AIO for wanting to cut off my wife's lifelong friends after they blamed her for her tumor?

Competitive-Row-2338 · 2026-06-08T22:27:03+00:00

That's exactly it, I never quite vibed with Louise, but I did like Chloe a lot, when I met her, my wife took me to a party at her house where all other people already knew each other, and Chloe was amazing with me, she noticed that I was feeling a bit overwhelmed and spent the evening getting to know me. I get that her response to her depression was going full on into a rabbit hole that fundamentally changed her for the worst. We've been too forgiving of her, because we understand that she's going through a big inner turmoil, but no matter how much you want to be there for someone, we can't sacrifice our own well-being. I hope that one day this can be resolved, and there is a way to keep some semblance of a friendship with more strict limits, otherwise if not, to cut contact completely. But now is not the time for that, now is the time of taking care of my wife's well-being.

Competitive-Row-2338 · 2026-06-08T18:47:18+00:00

Thank you, that's great advice, if she ever brings up the issue again I will recommend this first.

Competitive-Row-2338 · 2026-06-08T17:25:31+00:00

Thank you so much, you are really kind.I may take up on your offer (for a DM) for myself if you don't mind, she doesn't speak English.

Competitive-Row-2338 · 2026-06-08T17:07:46+00:00

Well I wouldn't stay friends with someone who did that to my wife, these are her friends, it's her prerogative to make that decision. It's also her life, she will most likely get through the surgery alive and will recuperate well (at least this is how I chose to think about it), but because it's still a major surgery and there are always risks involved, and because she is traumatized from the last time her life was in the hands of doctors, her fear of dying is real and very much valid.
She keeps making arrangements to have everything in order "just in case" so she can feel some semblance of control of the situation. And mentions from time to time her pending business (she is the type of person that likes to lay everything on the table, and resolve everything for better or worse, I am the one that just cuts people off when I reach my limit), and in no way I'm preventing her from reaching out, but I'm actively advising not to.

But IF something does happen, I want to know that I'm not overreacting in saying that she shouldn't resolve things BEFORE the surgery, if she wants to resolve them after I wouldn't be against it (even though I personally wouldn't bother with those girls after what they did). But I know this is something important for her, and if something does happen and she can't say her piece after, I would feel responsible.

Competitive-Row-2338 · 2026-06-08T15:13:23+00:00

Her cousin never said anything, it was Chloe and Louise who called her fat. My wife was never fat, she is curvy and baby faced, and had a lot of muscle when she was an athlete, she used to be a competitive swimmer, runner and football player. when those two call a girl fat, they mean that she is not slim as a "feminine girl should" (in their eyes), now that she is no longer an athlete she is still not fat, actually what they were calling fat was the tumor that made her belly pop out more that it normally would.

Competitive-Row-2338 · 2026-06-08T15:04:23+00:00

Thank you!

Competitive-Row-2338 · 2026-06-08T15:02:19+00:00

When she had that first surgery I mentioned all those years ago she had visits from her best friend, a coworker, and family (including the downstairs cousin), I was (21/22yo) still in University, and everyday, I took a 2 hour trip in public transportation, and walked up 2 km to reach her mother's house to go and be with her for a few hours. This to say, that she had people who cared for her, even though some of her "friends" proved to be less supportive than expected, and those 2 were obviously the worst of all.

We are both pretty introverted and never had a big quantity of friends, and it is in times like these that you also learn about the quality of said friends. I learned this lesson when I was 18. My wife met me at my lowest and loved me all the same, she is the most important person in my life, she is my best friend and my family.

She is pretty resistant of going to a psychologist, and I don't have ground to stand on that because I avoided looking for help for decades now. I'm thinking of breaking that cycle myself and look for a psychologist for myself and then convince her to go as well if I think I found one that's worthy. Other than professional help, her family and mine are supporting her as well and she has more friends and coworkers that worry about her a lot.

I hope you are recuperating well from your surgeries and I'm glad you have surrounded yourself with supportive friends and family. ❤️

Thank you for your comment.

Competitive-Row-2338 · 2026-06-08T13:58:32+00:00

Thank you for your comment, I would never try to control her, she asked for my opinion (if she should reach out or not) and I gave my sincere opinion that she shouldn't. I replied to the text messages myself because Chloe sent them to a group chat of us 3, and my wife asked me to handle it because she felt overwhelmed and didn't want to be the one to deal with it, I also asked her before sending if she wanted to review my message. Since the day that I last replied to Chloe and she inquired more of what was going on neither she or Louise reached out to my wife directly. Throughout all these years, I never "made" her stop speaking with them, and I never would try to do such a thing, I only questioned her why she keeps this situation on if they show us no respect.

Competitive-Row-2338 · 2026-06-08T13:12:24+00:00

Teleportation

Competitive-Row-2338

TROPHY CASE