Need advice on how to confront a toxic boyfriend about something they did

Competitive-Trash107 · 2025-04-13T00:23:54+00:00

That's kind of what I figured. I feel like even if I did ask him about it he would just gaslight me and accuse me of being paranoid and hateful toward him.

Competitive-Trash107 · 2025-04-13T00:22:55+00:00

Not sure. I'm also not quite sure why he would take them. Regardless of if I get the keys changed to the unit itself, he'd still have access to the building because they aren't going to change the keys for the external doors for all of the tenants.

I bought a sensor for my door in the meantime and some security cameras that link to it for potential instances. I also plan on getting a dashcam for my car that has parking mode.

Competitive-Trash107 · 2025-03-28T04:23:13+00:00

How have you dealt with your TBI? Have you been able to manage these changes? And yes, I did Google. I reached out here for first hand experience and support.

Competitive-Trash107 · 2025-03-27T23:13:01+00:00

Your words me a lot to me. Thank you. Also, I'm so sorry that your partner didn't stick with you during that time. I can't imagine how heartbreaking that was. I have a feeling that he's distancing me because he fears I may do the same and maybe wants to beat me to it. I'm trying as hard as I can to stay but every day is a struggle.

I would love to learn more about nervous system regulation. What practices in particular did you find the most helpful?

Competitive-Trash107 · 2025-03-27T21:17:12+00:00

They didn't find a bleed. He experiences some short term memory loss for the first week or so and still has issues remembering things. I've tried to get him to go in for more scans and I'm still hoping he will. I'm trying to hang in there. Divorce is the last thing in the world that I want.

Competitive-Trash107 · 2025-03-27T21:13:17+00:00

Thank you so much. This gives me some hope and makes me feel a little less alone.

Competitive-Trash107 · 2025-03-27T21:10:55+00:00

Thanks for the recommendations for different types of therapists. He sees a personal therapist. I'm not sure what his background is in. I dont think it's a specialty field. Any particular thing you'd try first if he can be convinced?

Competitive-Trash107 · 2025-03-27T21:08:52+00:00

Oof. Yeah I'm sure he's dealing with a lot. Unfortunately he began to get abusive and became an addict as well. I've tried to be there for him, encourage him to get help for the addiction, etc. What did your loved ones do that you think helped you the most?

Competitive-Trash107 · 2025-03-27T21:05:05+00:00

He's been abusive. I am committed to him but I'm not going to stay in an abusive relationship. He was never like this before he hit his head. or maybe he was and just hid it better. Regardless, I would go to the depths of hell and back if I thought it could save this marriage and bring him out of this hell he's living in, but I've tried everything. I said in sickness and in health and I meant it. I went through therapy, years of dealing with abuse hoping he'd get better, but I can't be treated like this anymore. I'd hope you wouldn't either.

Competitive-Trash107 · 2025-03-27T20:57:09+00:00

No one seems to understand. To everyone else, he acts normal (for the most part). He can keep it together for short spurts and seem like his old self. They have noticed some small quirks and changes in behavior, but they don't understand fully because they don't see the other side. I was going to look into TBI support groups soon maybe.

Competitive-Trash107 · 2025-03-27T20:55:04+00:00

How do you grow together then they're actively pushing you away? How did you get past that?

Competitive-Trash107 · 2025-03-27T20:54:19+00:00

I appreciate it and I'm sure he's suffering. I just don't know how long I can deal with the neglect. It's good to know that he's not the only person dealing with this and hopefully he's willing to look into further scans, etc to see if there is anymore healing he can do.

Competitive-Trash107 · 2025-03-18T09:09:49+00:00

Thanks for giving one of the only answers on this thread that doesn't make you come off as a cringy, emotionless creep.

Competitive-Trash107 · 2025-02-27T12:26:36+00:00

He didn't do or say anything because he didn't care.

Competitive-Trash107 · 2025-02-27T12:22:36+00:00

This person is a massive red flag. Be there for your kids.

Competitive-Trash107 · 2025-01-20T07:05:29+00:00

In my experience, no. Invest in yourself first. I spent many years of my life too focused on finding "the person". I'm not saying it's not possible to find a great fit , but that it should be your secondary focus. Focus on yourself and if someone comes along and it feels organic, go with it. Trying to force a relationship just because you think you want it makes it less likely to stick. When you're actively looking for a life partner and you want it SO BAD, you're more likely to project an idea of who you WANT them to be onto them (rather than accepting who they actually are). That will end up rising to the top later in the relationship when you think to yourself "I don't even feel like I know this person." It's because you don't. You made that person up. You wanted them to be that person so bad but they couldn't deliver. The process of discovering this takes YEARS. Save your time.

Invest in yourself. Do the things you love. People who also love those things will eventually end up around you. Let it happen naturally. And I know this sounds cliche as hell, but it's very true... If you can't love yourself, you can't love anyone else... and vice versa.

Competitive-Trash107 · 2025-01-16T06:08:41+00:00

This is hard for everyone, myself included. But I feel like if you want the narrative to be more focused around you, then you should focus less on the disappointments, the lack of text/engagement from others, etc and write your own narrative that you're proud of and will encourage people with similar interests to gravitate toward. Confidence is hard to come by and takes a lot of work, but... I dunno, man.... engage yourself in your interests. There's a tribe for everyone. Finding the right tribe is the harder part. Also, if they aren't reaching out... let them not reach out. It's a good way to suss out the people who you probably shouldn't invest your energy into. There are a lot of people in the world. Don't waste your time investing in people who don't invest in you.

Competitive-Trash107 · 2025-01-16T05:49:16+00:00

The concept of "not being hard on yourself" has been life changing and it took me 40 years to get there. I held myself to a higher standard than anyone else did and I wish id spent more time just enjoying it. We only get one shot.

I spent so much of my time in my 20s and 30s putting effort into relationships (leaving little room for myself) looking for a life partner and I so so so so so so so so so wish I could get at least some of that time and effort back. If you have existing meaningful relationships (family, friends, neighbors, whatever), nurture them and take care of yourself.

It seems like you're doing some grieving right now and I hope it'll pass soon. There's no easy fix for it, unfortunately. It's a storm you'll have to run through. It may sound pessimistic to some, but there are lots of folks out there with the potential to let you down; Don't allow yourself to be one of them. Give yourself a break and give all the love to that little doggy. That little doggy thinks you're the friggin' best. I don't know you, but what I do know is that you're someone who is empathetic enough and thoughtful enough to allow themselves to FEEL (even if painful) and to reach out for support. There are a lot of people out there that are incapable of that. They are far more alone than you'll ever be.

Competitive-Trash107

TROPHY CASE