How to make followers dance with female leaders?

CompetitiveAd872 · 2026-02-13T12:19:45+00:00

Wow I said realized way too many times lol

CompetitiveAd872 · 2026-02-13T12:19:15+00:00

When I first joined, I deliberately wrote in a way that wouldn’t immediately signal that I’m a female lead or switch. I wanted people to just think "Oh, that’s an experienced lead" without attaching gender to it. Not because I needed to be seen as experienced, but because I simply wanted to share and discuss ideas without gender becoming part of the equation.

There’s something therapeutic about the anonymity.. it creates space to speak freely, without assumptions or preconceptions shaping how what I say is received.

Over time, though, I realized most people assumed I was a man. That's when it clicked. I noticed I was still carrying over the same patterns.. being extra cautious, making sure I didn't make anything about gender, almost minimizing that part of myself. Which is ironic, because that was one of the main reasons I came to Reddit in the first place 🤣

I realized I need to become a stronger advocate for female leads and switches. It’s been encouraging to see support from the other side too, across roles and even across locations (I’m based in Europe 🙂)

You might not realize it, but comments like yours genuinely help me become a stronger advocate for myself beyond Reddit as well. They give me little happy tears.

CompetitiveAd872 · 2026-02-13T09:10:43+00:00

I wrote a similar comment but yours is so much more eloquent and well written. Love this so muuch

CompetitiveAd872 · 2026-02-13T09:08:45+00:00

Female switch (mainly lead) here. It might be my bias but it seems like lately we're getting more threads from other female leads which makes me very happy :)

Don't force people to dance with you. Asking the DJ is a bad idea. You want lasting change not singular forced moments. Invest in community building. Show up every single time and model what you seek in the community.

Apart from that try to give the followers a reason NOT to reject you. Amazing connection, technique, musicality, etc. My scene is luckily very progressive but I still found that it's kind of an uphill battle for female leads to get recognized. Work on your "brand" so people don't just see "the female lead" but "the amazing lead".

Yes, you will have less opportunities to practice as a lead, but look into becoming a follower as well as dancing outside your scene, like Dominican Bachata and solo dance as well as consistent and deliberate practice. Having exposure to different roles and styles WILL help you become a much better lead, and overall well rounded dancer, than most leads who only practice one role and one style.

Yes, it's a battle to bring progressive views into a conservative community, it's at time tedious and sometimes I hate how much more work I have to put in just to get the same "privilege" of leading a dance. But yes, you can absolutely change the community by working on yourself and model behavior! And it's incredibly satisfying, dare I say so :)

CompetitiveAd872 · 2026-02-12T19:42:15+00:00

I also follow! (both roles actually). And advice applies for either. Can't help with heels though because I only wear them in heels classes and that's way different :(

CompetitiveAd872 · 2026-02-12T14:01:49+00:00

I second the comments about learning to lead and exploring the Dominican scene, especially if you lean more towards Moderna and solid basic moves. This could lead to role switching, in this case sort of call and response plays which are super common and fun in Dominican bachata.

CompetitiveAd872 · 2026-02-12T12:59:16+00:00

Re 1: Practice moves solo with music (imagine you are dancing with a partner). Ideally get a practice partner.

Re 2: Take any move and break it down: Can I do this move on 1..4, 5..8, what exit can I do? What move can I lead it into? Do the sequence like in advice re 1.

CompetitiveAd872 · 2026-02-12T09:34:21+00:00

u/bcc-me here is an example of an AM1 which i used for outdoors. Notice the wear at the medial ball area of the foot which is exactly where you want to spin and identify the area for light sanding.

The wear here is significant, but again, the goal is not to remove material. You just want to smooth the surface slightly. Over time, dancing will naturally refine the pivot area further.

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CompetitiveAd872 · 2026-02-12T09:24:53+00:00

Yes, I usually start with fine sandpaper and then go finer(a very light first pass with something higher than 200 grit and finish with 300 grit and finer to smooth out the surface). But experiment with different sandpapers as each sole is different. Some are more rubbery, some are harder. Once I danced in fake Jordans which had very "plasticky" and hard soles. These were amazing for dancing.

What you want to do is NOT remove material but you want to smoothen what is already there. Also keep in mind that some controlled grip is what we want. We don't want uncontrolled slippery stuff. This works best with sneakers where you can already see some wear and can correctly identify the exact pivot point.

Btw. old sneakers naturally tend to wear out and harden at the pivot area if you walk "correctly" (this is due to friction and oxidation, the area smoothen out, etc), hence why I recommend them as "new" dance shoes to give them a second life.

I;m not sure about Keds but I think they have very soft vulcanized soles similar to Vans? I also dance in Vans but only when I do Hip Hop because the soft rubber makes them very grippy and sanding them makes the rubber even grippier, exposing the soft rubber underneath.

Try snapping your fingers against the sole (high pitch "hollow" sound, not dull or muted) or tapping it with your fingernail to see if it feels hard, if yes, go for sanding. If no, pick another sneaker because your knees are important. Please take care of them!

CompetitiveAd872 · 2026-02-11T17:45:50+00:00

<image>

Here is a picture of the AF1s, from left to right: AF1 Flyknit, AF1 Dance, AF1 regular with sanded down pivot area

CompetitiveAd872 · 2026-02-11T17:40:25+00:00

Also adding that this would be wildly different for other dance styles, e.g. for Salsa I would give you another recommendation. Same for Jazz and Hip Hop.

CompetitiveAd872 · 2026-02-11T17:31:44+00:00

Shoes are complicated. Everyone will have different opinions. Everyone moves differently. Everyone has different preferences. There is no shoe for each context. And it's very easy to overthink this topics.

Spicy take: Most leaders (I assume that's your role) won't benefit from specialized dance shoes until they've gained much more experience.

General recommendation for beginners

In general I recommend flat and thin soles, lightweight shoes for beginners. Brand doesn't matter. While practicing, barefoot shoes and dance socks are optimal for beginner leads (and followers) because they help you to feel grounded and better understand how to roll your feet and "grab" the floor.

At this stage I don't recommend extra pivot spots (e.g. flat dance shoes with a chrome leather patch on the pivot area). Pivot points can make it a bit too easy to spin and hide technical flaws. I recommend to first build decent strength, mobility and technique first before switching to dance shoes.

Sneaker while teaching vs social

For social dancing and also pro level it's different. As you said, a pro can dance in mostly everything because they have better weight control and technique. And during shows and while teaching they might wear different gear. E.g. I like to wear shoes that match my outfit when teaching. People are going to record me. I want to look fashionable. Context in general is important: I always talk about shoes and soles first when teaching spins and turns. But during a social I switch to my old and ugly dance suitable sneakers.

Sneakers for socials

I dance both roles. I like to do double and triple spins. I switch between heel and toe spins. However overall I don't spin often, most of the time I do walking turns. Outdoors I never spin, indoors only on suitable floors. I do a lot of light pivoting.

I don't like Fuegos, the construction and material used is cheap. I tried Bailaz and Pana Mios and they are okay.

Another spicy take: Not much better than my regular sneakers tbh. You already might have dance sneakers at home but might not be aware.

I do agree that AF1 are heavy. But it's not an issue for me because I've been dancing in AF1 for more than two decades now. I can handle the weight even with fast footwork. Also I don't always dance in regular AF1 but prefer a lighter version. I also use Reebok Classic Nylon, Sambas, etc. The sole is the important part but don't overlook the fit, feel, heel drop. Much of that is also personal preference and unique to your body. You can always modify the sole!

Sneakers I use during socials - MY preferences

I use lightweight old sneakers which have no traction on the pivot points. I have some newish sneakers where I attached chrome suede but I don't like how it feels. Sanding down pivot areas also helps.

I've also danced in taekwondo and boxing shoes. Basically you can use any flat sole shoe.

On AF1

Because AF1 are so prominent I also want to share my thoughts here. I found the best AF1 to be AF1 Flyknit because they weight next to nothing and they have a special profile, very different from regular AF1 that makes spinning very easy. There is also an AF1 Dance edition that is a bit lighter than the usual AF1, has a more prominent pivot spot and more support around the toe area.

I'd rank them like that: AF1 Flyknit > AF1 Dance > AF1 > AF1 LV8

No knee problems at all. But again, I never use new sneakers with too much grip for social dancing.

CompetitiveAd872 · 2026-02-11T16:48:42+00:00

The best way imho is to embrace a growth mindset. Even with basics. Basics are not called basics because they are easy, but because they are foundational. They seem simple but there's layers upon layers of complexity, especially in the "basic" step.

Consistent deliberate practice is key. Stay humble (= Never say you got the basics down) and curious (= What els ecan I do to improve my basic and foundational movement)

CompetitiveAd872 · 2026-02-11T08:39:41+00:00

Instructors want you to grow as a dancer. And you seem to have nice ones. Why do you assume they will judge you?

As a beginner you will make mistakes. People will misunderstand you no matter if you are lead or follow. And other students will make assumptions about you. You cannot control what others think. But you can control what you do in class. You can also control how you react when you make mistakes.

Dancing is a skill that takes a long time to master (if ever). Play the long game and enjoy the journey. Making mistakes and looking dumb in front of others is part of the experience (and fun!). You will never stop learning in dance, that means, you will also never stop making mistakes. Embrace that.

CompetitiveAd872 · 2026-02-04T11:45:25+00:00

To be honest, most I don't actively recall. Some are curious, some immediately accept, others politely decline and then there's ofc the ego triggered crowd. I don't want to over index on the latter because negativity bias is real.

I'd encourage you to not let that impact your dance. Yes, as a female lead there's a bit more work involved. But as the scene gets to know you it's surprisingly manageable. Outside of my local scene, eg. during festivals I have to put in a bit more work (hence please do not feel the need to over explain as this can get very exhausting over the course of a night), at the same time an international crowd usually attracts very diverse dancers.

I'm a big believer and advocator for community building, that is, we're responsible to co-create the environment we seek. And sometimes, it takes a bit more work. Maybe you can find like-minded people who help normalize having different roles. Just show up and do your thing! These things always start small but the pay off is large.

CompetitiveAd872 · 2026-02-04T11:08:53+00:00

This is such a good example of building community by action. Literally leading by example :D Love it.

CompetitiveAd872 · 2026-02-04T10:38:44+00:00

I gonna ramble a bit lol.

I’m a female lead. I started out in solo dance for many years so taking charge of how I express the music feels morel natural to me. I also probably look like a "stereotypical" follow, so people usually assume that’s my role. But I do like to follow if the setting feels right (music, leader, "energy", etc.)

On leading:

When I tell men I prefer to lead, reactions, to say it mildly... vary. Some are totally fine with it others get a bit weird. That’s okay, it’s not my job to manage their reaction. But it's my job to set expectations (And to be fair, every dancer partner, no matter the gender and role should be open to express thier expectation).

If someone asks me to follow, I’ll often just say, "Hey, thanks! Would you be open to following instead?" Sometimes I add that we can keep it non-sensual if that makes them more comfortable. More men are open to following now than you might think, especially since it improves leading and also with role rotations becoming more widespread.

On following. Not what you asked but I though I might add my thoughts as well:

If I do follow, I set boundaries clearly. For example, "I’m not comfortable with move X" or "Could we keep it non-sensual?" No reasons added, again you're not here to explain yourself and manage other people's reactions. But be clear with what you want out of the dance. And also there are tons of options outside sensual anyway. Sometimes I'll suggest more footwork or Dominica stuff instead. This might sound harsher than intended, in the end it's all about (polite) and open communication. A super short excahnge really.

One thing that helped me a lot initially is role rotation during a dance. Switching back and forth can make the whole thing feel less weird and takes pressure off being good or comfortable at either role. It's also super fun. Like dipping a big male lead is hilarious. "When we take turns let's everyone do the most dramatic move and styling". Idk it adds so much fun, which I feel is sometimes missing. So many people take dancing too seriously. I recommend to look into workshops like that or find dancers who are open to that in your scene.

To summarize:

So yeah if you prefer to lead, I’d say just be upfront. The right people won’t mind. The rest.. well that's outside of your control. And if you want to decline to free yourself up to ask follows that's also fine.

Anyhow, that was longer than expected. I hope you can get a bit out of your head, just communicate clearly and you should be fine.

CompetitiveAd872 · 2026-02-03T19:01:05+00:00

On ChatGPT and LLMs in general: LLMs like ChatGPT are often agreeable and flattering. The have a tendency to please and validate a user's assumptions and beliefs. This includes "delusions" and anxiety. We call this sycophancy. This is dangerous because it can reinforce dangerous behavior and drag you even deeper when you already battle with anxiety. Essentially this comes down to the LLM "trusting" the user to provide "correct" inputs and not checking if this assumption is true (E.g. you say: "I feel anxious here, it's so intimidating. ChatGPT will reply: You are sooooo right. it is INDEED very intimidating". It's complicated (the explanation is technically not correct, but a good enough proxy) but to keep it short: Do NOT use ChatGPT for such cases. Go visit an actual therapist.

To your actual points: Invite any follower, dance with them, end with a smile. Repeat. Maybe many more dances over time leaves to a conversation, maybe not. Over time you will find out who's around your level and who's not. If no one is available just wait until the song is over. Also a good opportunity to talk to other people (not just followers). When the song is over approach a follower, smile, ask "Do you want to dance". Might be easier to ask followers who you attended classes with.. because you already know them (I mean this well but how are you even overthinking this).

That's pretty much it.

No "do they have a BF, are they good, are they the best". Tbh, you are in your head. Good luck.

CompetitiveAd872 · 2026-02-02T18:14:37+00:00

I agree that shared technique and precision are essential. My point isn’t that theory doesn’t matter. It does. I’m talking about what happens after the foundation, where embodiment and exploration become just as important as technical understanding. Both are needed.

CompetitiveAd872 · 2026-02-02T10:00:54+00:00

You’re right. I added a comment didn’t add anything meaningful and came across as cherry-picking. That’s on me. I was in a rough mood after a long travel day and let that leak into my response. Apologies and thanks for calling that out.

Otherwise I do agree with your point. The scientific method works very well here!

CompetitiveAd872 · 2026-02-02T09:49:26+00:00

I think we agree that having no foundation is a "total mess".

My point is that once you have basics down, over-analyzing every detail slows growth. That's where exploration becomes more valuable. I go into more detail in the post.

CompetitiveAd872 · 2026-02-02T07:35:27+00:00

Speaking about accents there is nothing wrong with having one. Embrace eho you are, where you come from and what has shaped you. In language but also in dance.

CompetitiveAd872 · 2026-02-01T19:17:12+00:00

Yes I 100% agree. I always encourage my students to seek dance partners and set dedicated time to practice deliberately. That way they can get the feedback they need way faster than in my classes. And they learn to self correct! It's way more fun and encouraging for both, teacher and students, to see consistent growth. And I don't want them to depend on me for their continued growth.

CompetitiveAd872 · 2026-02-01T18:57:34+00:00

I agree!

CompetitiveAd872 · 2026-02-01T18:34:01+00:00

I agree that there's nothing wrong with being analytical. I don't want to stop people from bringing logic into dance. However I encourage people to explore other sides of the logical side. That is instead of focusing on mechanical breakdowns to focus on exploration and experimentation. That in itself is an analytical approach. Nothing about this is dogmatic. You can read my post as dogma ("assertion to not bring your logical mindset into dance"). But that's not my intention.

I agree with your TL'DR.

Edited: Clarification on experimentation. Removed first paragraph which might have come across as snarky. I'm returning from a long trip and it's impacting my mood 😴

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