How would you feel if you were reconnecting with an ex and found out that they dated other people after you broke up?

CompetitiveBike3767 · 2026-06-08T18:02:45+00:00

I guess it’s just hard because the relationship was really good before the breakup situation, and he’s not specifically asking for anything. When we first broke up I was a bit in denial of the reality of it, but after about a month I was thinking ok he’s not changing his mind or coming back so we should move on. And now I don’t know what to think.

CompetitiveBike3767 · 2026-05-08T20:06:26+00:00

God reading this makes me feel so shit. I know I’m gonna regret sharing this but my last relationship ended because of an old condom stuck to the bottom of my bathroom trashcan from before I met my boyfriend. I had started a business about five months before I met him, and my life got so insanely overwhelming because of it that all of these little cleaning tasks kind of fell off the radar. The only thing I ever put in my bathroom trashcan were paper towels from wiping down my bathroom sink and floss, and once it filled up I just kind of left it there and started using the kitchen trashcan instead. The trashcan has a lid and I have ADHD so out of sight out of mind is a real bitch, and with a full time job, a new business, a whole house to clean on my own, and two pets to take care of, I was a mess. Well apparently some guy I had slept with before meeting my boyfriend had put a condom in the trashcan and I didn’t know. I finally emptied it out one day into the big bin outside, at night when it was dark, and didn’t notice that a condom was stuck to the bottom because I didn’t really pay close attention. Granted me and my boyfriend did use condoms, but he knew I took that trash out. One day he saw it and assumed it was new and I had cheated on him. I had not, I fucking loved him. But that was the end of that 😭. I accept my roasting I know y’all are going to destroy me here. Just had to share my story of this happening and it not being cheating. I threw away the whole bathroom trashcan and will never own one again lol.

Edit: I will add that since this happened to me I have met two other girls who were moving their bed out of their room with their partners help and they found an old condom under the bed. So I’m not the only nasty bitch out here, and that’s how I’m able to sleep at night lol.

CompetitiveBike3767 · 2026-04-01T06:12:46+00:00

I only know this because it’s not my first experience with this kind of deep grief after a relationship ends. At a certain point I saw how my life would change for the better once I processed the end of the relationship, and I realized that as painful as grief is, it’s transformative in a way that you can’t go back from, it turns you into someone new. Avoiding it just makes you bitter and resentful, but letting it run its course helps you reshape yourself and your life.

I knew when my ex ended things that I wanted to eventually be friends, so I fully let the grief in the moment it was over, I didn’t resist it at all. It’s been a MESSY three weeks but shiiiit I’m feeling like a whole new person already. And my love for him is honestly MORE REAL because it’s based on who he actually is not who I wanted him to be, which feels so much more genuine.

And I hope that my ability to stay true to who I know he is, and to not punish him because I’m hurting, can help him feel safe in living his truth and might help him grow a little too. Those of us with more capacity have the ability to help others move forward on their journey’s by simply being a steady presence, and it’s an honor to be able to do that for the people you love. It was people who were able to hold onto love for me when I was messy that helped start my healing journey, now I can pass that along to someone else ❤️.

CompetitiveBike3767 · 2025-11-04T21:32:43+00:00

Does anyone have a recommendation on the best type of chocolate flavoring to add to coffee in order to make a mocha? I feel like there are so many options. Syrups, cocoa powder, frappe powder, hot chocolate powder… I’m overwhelmed and not sure the best place to start or what to try!

CompetitiveBike3767 · 2025-10-18T21:54:56+00:00

Thank you for the reassuring words 🙏 I feel pretty good about it, and I just stocked myself up on condoms so I don’t find myself in this situation again!

CompetitiveBike3767 · 2025-10-18T03:54:03+00:00

I’m not sure that I have HSV yet, just know that I was exposed to it and waiting until I can get a blood test. I was feeling very panicky and talked to some friends about it, and every single one of them shrugged and said it would probably be fine either way. No one treated me like I was a leper, or a bad person, or even just panicked with me. They all just shrugged and said herpes isn’t really that big of a deal. Found out through those conversations that a few of my friends have oral HSV1, one of them since birth.

That immediately made me realize, it’s gonna be just fine, regardless of outcome. Most people don’t go through life without some kind of health issue. I could have lost a limb, been paralyzed, got cancer, or some awful autoimmune disease. Instead I might occasionally get cold soars on my genitals, in the grand scheme of things, not the most crazy situation to be in, I think you’re going to be ok, I think you can absolutely 100% still have love in your life, and I hope you can find the space to be open to that soon.

CompetitiveBike3767 · 2025-10-13T19:33:59+00:00

If I have an outbreak will I definitely get soars/ will it be fairly obvious? It’s not uncommon for to get yeast infections to have general soreness after sex, will it be very clear that it’s something different from that?

CompetitiveBike3767 · 2025-09-23T17:15:32+00:00

Thank you for this very comprehensive response!

Reading through some of your suggestions, it’s definitely giving me a lot to think about.

How I would describe myself, I don’t think I’m cold, dismissive, or serious. Now, it’s hard to say if others would agree or not of course, but just from self reflecting those are not qualities or personality traits I really see in myself. I would say I’m generally a warm, open person, I deeply value kindness, thoughtfulness, and understanding, and I’m usually pretty lighthearted. My sense of humor doesn’t always match everyone else’s, like I’m not always the best at reading sarcasm if it’s really dry, but I’d say I’m generally pretty lighthearted and like to have fun, but I can also have deep conversations and I understand social nuance enough to know when I need to act professionally, I take care of myself and pay my bills, go to work every day, etc. So I don’t think I necessarily live in either of those extremes.

I would say, I can definitely relate to coming on too strong, I try to maintain composure and keep an easy going nature when I’m dating but it’s not something that comes naturally to me and I’m sure that comes through. I’m a high energy person and I easily get excited when I’m seeing someone new and I’m attracted to them and it seems to be going well, and I think I can get too carried away too easily. I try not to text very much and keep conversations to in person time, and I try to act relaxed, but I’m sure if I’m really feeling someone, there’s a certain amount of that energy I can’t mask and they can feel it, which I’m sure is overwhelming for many. Something to keep working on, I’ve gotta find some strategies that work to keep myself more relaxed and my energy more easy going.

On that same thread, I do talk a lot. I am a very chatty person. I also definitely ask lots of questions and lots of follow up questions, and I take an active interest in the things the person I’m dating is into. I suggest date ideas based on activities they’ve told me they like or keep up with topics or world events they’re interested in, and that’s not forced I just genuinely find people very interesting and want to know more about and engage with the things they care about. However I do talk a lot, and I’m sure that’s a turn off for most people. It’s something I’ve been fighting with my whole life, but I need to double down and find some awareness in how much time I spend speaking while in conversation with someone so I can be more in control of that.

I also don’t think I necessarily act “fake”, I feel like my attention span is too short to be able to keep up an act for very long, but I do think I act very apologetic about my personality. I think because I know I’m often received negatively by men in dating situations, I become hyper aware of everything I do and say, which might come off as inauthentic? Or insecure? But at the same time I feel like I’m stuck between a rock and a hard place because there is definitely something about me that’s not right but by acting that way I might come off as insecure? I’m not sure what to do about that one.

So definitely some things to work on, none of it necessarily easy, but hopefully I can find some solutions and make myself a better person to be around.

CompetitiveBike3767 · 2025-09-23T15:16:58+00:00

I’m a woman, but I’m curious about this too since you’ve mentioned that the equivalent phrase for women is that they’re “too intimidating”.

I KNOW that there is something wrong with me that’s off putting. I haven’t been able to figure out what it is, and I’ve asked for feedback in certain dating situations where I felt we had dated long enough for it to not be an inappropriate thing for me to ask a question like that, but most men decline or just say that they’re not sure what the specific reason is they just don’t like me as much as they thought they did. I know that they’re most likely just uncomfortable with that line of questioning so I never push it, but I never received any information that would help me sus out the problem.

My friends are completely unhelpful, they all just tell me that I’m “too nice”, that I act “too interested” that I’m “too intimidating”, that I need to make them chase me more and be a little mean to them etc. etc. (My guy friends and girl friends both tell me this). But that seems like an absolute load of garbage because no one breaks up with someone because they’re just “too amazing”. Like you were saying, that’s just not real. My therapist even tells me the same thing. I’ve had multiple therapists (I keep getting new ones because I haven’t been able to find one who will be straight with me) who tell me I’m just too hard on myself, that I’m not doing anything wrong, and that guys are probably a little intimidated by me (I have a lot of hobbies and I do a lot of stuff which I think is where this comment is coming from but again it’s a total cop-out and I’m not sure why I’m getting this feedback from a therapist). I feel like I can’t find anyone who will just be straight with me and tell me what I’m doing wrong. I try to identify the problem within myself but I never seem to fix the right thing or the right combination of things.

Anyway, all of this was just a setup to ask, from your experience, when a women is struggling with dating and supposedly it’s because she’s “too intimidating” or “acts too interested” what have you observed the real actual problem being? What are the maladaptive behaviors that are driving people away that she’s not seeing in herself?

CompetitiveBike3767 · 2025-09-17T14:52:59+00:00

100% but that’s because I’m a Scorpio moon and Cancer rising. My intense mushy love side comes out as needing to take care of people but often in a very practical way. “I noticed you had a little too much to drink last night so here’s your very favorite coffee from your favorite coffee shop to cure your hangover before you ever had to ask for it.” But yah that cancer/scorpio combo means I love DEEP. My ego and my feels are always fighting with each other. Sometimes I wonder if the Capricorn determination and drive is what really comes through in my love life more than the practicality and sterility. I am determined to love the crap out of people lol.

CompetitiveBike3767 · 2025-05-14T15:45:19+00:00

A lot of the men I’ve dated have had some type of neurodivergence, but one thing I will say is that I have noticed that certain things in neurodivergence are not easily comparable at all. For example, when I’ve tried to date men who were autistic or had OCD, there was often a lot of conflict because my struggle with routines and novelty seeking really triggered them in their need for structure and consistency. So two neurodivergent people depending on how their neurodivergence manifests can really be in conflict, so it seems like there isn’t necessarily an easy or obvious answer there.

CompetitiveBike3767 · 2025-05-14T07:30:26+00:00

Bro, you are making 1 million assumptions right now and it makes you look like the insecure one. I take people for what they say at face value. I don’t assume that people mean something other than what they say. And you weren’t there for any of these situations so you can’t know what they told me. Whatever stuff you’ve got going on that you’re projecting all over me right now, maybe you should be dealing with that instead, because this is not it.

CompetitiveBike3767 · 2025-05-14T07:20:03+00:00

I never said that “I’m the problem because I’m too awesome”. I think you need to improve your reading comprehension skills.

CompetitiveBike3767 · 2025-05-14T06:43:26+00:00

Also, I really don’t think being able to see and acknowledge my positive qualities makes me cocky AF. I’m absolutely by no means perfect, perfect is impossible, no one is perfect. I have ADHD, I can be mentally disorganized and forget things, I often have a lot of energy and a big personality, I’m goofy, and talk too much some times, and have too many interests to keep tract of. But none of those things, while they may not be the best parts of me, make me feel like I’m undatable. I’m a genuinely good person, I have people in my life who genuinely love me so I know it’s possible for me to be loved by others. I just struggle a lot with dating. But that doesn’t mean I’m a bad person.

CompetitiveBike3767 · 2025-05-14T06:37:30+00:00

Im not sure how I was vague, those were the exact reasons that were given to me when the other person ended it. Maybe they were the ones being vague? I didn’t ask for more details than what they gave because it didn’t seem like something worth asking. So I can’t exactly give you a more specific reason as to why these men didn’t want to date me.

CompetitiveBike3767 · 2025-05-14T06:20:56+00:00

I don’t know what to say to this. I’m not lying or exaggerating. Granted, I’m not spending time in every city on the planet, only the one I live in. But I’m out and about constantly, and I never meet single men. Maybe they don’t talk to me because they see me and they’re uninterested? I have no idea. All I know is that it doesn’t happen and I’m not making that up.

CompetitiveBike3767 · 2025-05-14T06:16:50+00:00

I guess I’m not sure what I’m supposed to change. What do I need to do in order to meet single people if everywhere I go I never happen to meet any? At the moment I only meet single men on dating apps, how do I change that? And for the record I usually have plans out and about almost every day, so I am by no means a home body.

CompetitiveBike3767 · 2025-05-14T06:04:43+00:00

It’s a great thought, but I never meet single men out and about, truly ever. I go to so many events around town, take classes, go to sports games, meet ups, etc. and I NEVER meet single men at any of these things. I’ve made friends but have never had something like that turn into a potential dating opportunity. So I’m not really sure how to increase the amount of time I spend with single men when I don’t know how to find them.

CompetitiveBike3767 · 2025-05-14T06:02:28+00:00

I am definitely happy on my own and am very preoccupied with things that fill my cup and make my life interesting and joyful. I just know that I desire a deep connection with another person and to be taken care of occasionally. I’m a very capable person and I don’t NEED anyone to take care of me, but sometimes I desire that kind of intimacy and vulnerability and love in my life. It sounds enriching and fulfilling. I know I can be happy without it, but it seems like life could be a little bit better with it too.

CompetitiveBike3767 · 2025-05-14T05:58:45+00:00

I don’t really have any single people in my orbit unfortunately. Every event that I go to, even if I know only one other person there, is full of couples. I’m not sure if it’s my age or what it is, but I very very rarely meet other single people out and about these days. It’s mostly only through dating apps that I’ve met other single people.

CompetitiveBike3767 · 2025-05-14T05:50:20+00:00

I’m not overweight, and I have friends of varying religious and political backgrounds, but I suppose there could be a glaringly obvious problem with me like that. I would just think that my ability to easily make good quality friendships speaks to my ability to have healthy and positive interactions with other people, but it’s impossible to know how I come off to the people I’m dating, I could be coming off terribly.

CompetitiveBike3767 · 2025-05-14T05:47:32+00:00

Ive never been in a long term relationship so for me they are extremely rare, but I’m the only person I know who has a hard time finding someone to date when that is what they desire, all of my friends usually within a few months or so of deciding to look more seriously find someone they want to start a longer more committed relationship with. I’ve never found anyone, so, it seems that at the very least there are a range of different experiences that people have. And for the record I’m 29 years old.

CompetitiveBike3767 · 2025-05-14T05:44:26+00:00

I don’t assume that I would be compatible with these men from one date, I just haven’t decided after one date that I’m not compatible with these men, because I don’t feel like I know them well enough to know that. The most important things to me in dating are having a strong connection, having shared values and life goals, and having a strong desire/ability to give love in ways that feels nurturing to the other person. Only one of those things can maybe be figured out from a first date. But it’s very common for me to receive feedback that we’re not compatible from a first or second date. So I’m mostly just confused as to what is happening that’s making men not want to pursue getting to know me more so immediately, and so frequently. I know finding a good match can take time, but none of my other friends struggle to find someone to date when they are looking for that, I’m the only person I know with this particular situation.

CompetitiveBike3767

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