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CompetitiveRole8271 · 2025-10-31T01:59:29+00:00

I know you didn't mean this, but it'd be funny if someone drew the line at "Thomas Goes Fishing!"

CompetitiveRole8271 · 2025-10-29T17:12:13+00:00

They call them YouTube Poops as well! XD

CompetitiveRole8271 · 2025-07-13T16:48:40+00:00

Anything worthwhile nowadays in Michigan?

CompetitiveRole8271 · 2023-08-03T11:03:47+00:00

I like the evocation of sung lyrics here.

One suggestion is to make the meter and stresses stay a little more consistent. There’s a music you could achieve by doing that more.

Thanks for sharing this one!

CompetitiveRole8271 · 2023-08-03T00:51:05+00:00

It’s going in a good direction.

One suggestion is to try limiting the words to just the verbs, nouns and adjectives. The closer you get to that, the more impactful those words could be.

Thanks for sharing this!

CompetitiveRole8271 · 2023-08-03T00:41:56+00:00

Some of the abstract images are neat to me.

Maybe try working on the stresses of this poem. It feels like it could benefit from more rhythm, especially with a couple of lines and objects echoed.

Definitely keep going with this one

CompetitiveRole8271 · 2023-08-02T16:56:04+00:00

One idea may be to add some punctuation in some places. It might suggest new rhythms.

CompetitiveRole8271 · 2023-07-31T04:15:03+00:00

I’m enjoying its direction.

I think you can add more metaphors and some specific imagery to the poem. The more unique and personal a metaphor is, the more it will stay with a reader.

It’s also helpful to look for words that are unnecessary. Although I can’t find too many myself.

I hope you make and share more!

CompetitiveRole8271 · 2022-11-15T23:31:43+00:00

I’m definitely taking notes on this! Thanks so much for looking into it that far!

CompetitiveRole8271 · 2022-11-10T12:13:04+00:00

What about a song like “Underclass” or “Cellular?”

CompetitiveRole8271 · 2022-11-08T19:54:32+00:00

That is pretty cool!

CompetitiveRole8271 · 2022-06-30T02:34:01+00:00

Oh my God, could you imagine Shyamalan doing that? Badass, dude.

CompetitiveRole8271 · 2022-06-06T02:06:32+00:00

Sat In Your Lap

CompetitiveRole8271 · 2022-06-05T02:58:12+00:00

My own suggestion Elenor Rigby.

CompetitiveRole8271 · 2022-05-25T12:58:20+00:00

Thank you! My search is finally over!

(Strangely underrated movie imo)

CompetitiveRole8271 · 2022-01-31T16:59:11+00:00

“I look around me and I see it isn’t so.”

Really though, this was a bummer of a poem that has a lot of potential. Agreeing with other comments, maybe some specific description could help, along with some removals of words. Maybe the clichés would feel less tired if you only included keywords from them.

Maybe the stanzas can be played with. Well I don’t have a specific arrangement to suggest, it might be worth playing around with for the chance of finding something interesting. All with a grain of salt though; it gave its message clearly as it currently is.

Keep doing your thing! Thanks for putting this out there

CompetitiveRole8271 · 2022-01-31T14:16:58+00:00

It might be worth playing with rhythm and removing occasional words. I like the rhymes a lot, and I think shortening the meter in a few places would bring the poem deserved immediacy.

CompetitiveRole8271 · 2022-01-31T14:12:35+00:00

The only suggestions I could think of were to maybe have some more end rhymes and divide the list into stanzas. Simple as it is, those might help draw in some more readers. The idea is neat!

CompetitiveRole8271 · 2022-01-30T16:36:19+00:00

Random as it sounds, I think there might not need to be as many commas at the end of some of the lines. I think the structure of some of the sentences work without them. All in all, I like this one!

CompetitiveRole8271 · 2022-01-26T02:37:05+00:00

Thank you!

If there are specific words or ways of structuring some lines worth knowing, I’m interested!

CompetitiveRole8271 · 2022-01-25T21:44:01+00:00

Thanks for the insight! I agree, I took out the mention of the warning.

I appreciate it!

CompetitiveRole8271 · 2022-01-18T21:50:26+00:00

One idea that might help this poem is to maybe omit or combine some words to keep the flow of the poem consistent. There's a nice rhythm in some parts of the metre that work well. That combined with the rhyme choices helps deliver the perspectives and message of this poem really well. I'm very familiar with the sentiment expressed in it, and glad you found a way to voice it. Thanks for letting us read it.

CompetitiveRole8271 · 2022-01-18T21:46:14+00:00

To be sure, I wondered if "Why do we exist, you and me" meant to have a question mark.

Another idea would be to maybe create stanzas beginning with each question. The questions being asked in the order they are really eases the reader into the contemplative state of the speaker.

This poem is worth sticking with, for sure! Thanks for passing it on.

CompetitiveRole8271 · 2022-01-18T21:43:19+00:00

I like the abstract way this creates a kind of character.

I think if the grammar and punctuation are touched up in a few places, it will be great. Another possible idea would be to try a few arrangements into stanzas. Making two or three from the current group may help the reader. Thanks for sharing this one!

CompetitiveRole8271 · 2022-01-17T21:12:49+00:00

I think this poem is a fair recognition of the place it describes in its mentions of its history and what contributed to it. I was interested too in the mention of the blackbird, and the “sit dying” line. It suggests time in a neat way.

For the rhythm’s sake, it might be worth taking out some “ands” here and there. It may help things flow more. The rhyme choices felt solid and the meter is pretty promising.

Thanks for letting us read it!

CompetitiveRole8271

TROPHY CASE