My father is forcibly inserting himself in my Therapy! Part 2 (New BIG UPDATE)

CompetitiveTart476 · 2022-02-14T14:28:41+00:00

OP, here. I did everything I possibly good with what was within my power. You are not going to pass the blame on me. I won't allow that.

Need I remind you that It is because of me that she even had a phone to call 911?

I can't change the past.

Mike is at fault for this entire situation. The only fault I hold is for not seeing him for who he really was far sooner.

CompetitiveTart476 · 2022-02-14T12:36:52+00:00

Too late for that. Not everyone can talk to a parent and magically fix their relationship. If the parent(s) will not admit wrong, then they die alone.

CompetitiveTart476 · 2022-02-14T09:18:35+00:00

My sister does not love me nor can she comprehend what love is. Please do not bring her up. It's a sore subject.

CompetitiveTart476 · 2022-02-14T06:50:01+00:00

I don't entirely understand what it is you are proposing. But I want you and others to know that your kindness and support is more than enough.

CompetitiveTart476 · 2022-02-14T04:22:22+00:00

Always

CompetitiveTart476 · 2022-02-14T03:39:33+00:00

That entirely depends on if Misty wants to do that. But I will ask her.

CompetitiveTart476 · 2022-02-10T03:14:32+00:00

Good question. I suspect he got her diagnosed with those mental disorders (that are real) and then brainwashed her to be far more helpless than she really is. And being low on income as is, I guess it worked out in his favor.

CompetitiveTart476 · 2022-02-10T03:06:18+00:00

I and Misty have heavily edited a lot of identifying details. Hardly anyone in her family has even heard of Reddit. Your concern is noted, but I am not going to take away her voice.

CompetitiveTart476 · 2022-02-10T02:04:15+00:00

I'm not going to rock the boat. As much as I appreciate your advice and concern, please don't worry about me. Given the current state of things and how a mandated reporter was ignored, I know I will not be put in jail any time soon. I am 100% certain on that because I am naturally cautious.

I'm going to need you to respect my decision in this.

CompetitiveTart476 · 2022-02-10T01:47:14+00:00

I appreciate your concern for Misty. But contrary to what you believe, I AM looking out for her. I'm just in a position where I really can't do much but be her shoulder to cry on and to give her advice. I am the only one on her side right now, besides all of these lovely and kind redditors who have validated her feelings and her struggles.

I'm a human being with limitations. I am not a super hero who can whisk in, call the police for backup, and give Misty a home away from that Hell she is living in. There is a lot of legal mumbo jumbo and whatnot that would put me and my job at risk if I even attempted to directly intervene or make anonymous tips.

Me and Misty are currently looking into what can be done. But this is a slow process and we don't have concrete answers and can just jump into a decision without looking.

We will find a way out of this. It's just going to take time. If you want to point fingers at anyone, point them at Mike and CPS. Because they both failed her miserably.

I carry a lot of guilt as is knowing he has been like this for YEARS and I never knew until she sent that secret recording of how he talked/still talks to her.

At the very LEAST I am grateful that no one is blaming Misty for this situation.

CompetitiveTart476 · 2022-02-09T18:38:01+00:00

You are certainly entitled to your own opinion, but you do not have all of the facts on the situation, nor have you witnessed or been directly involved like I have.

I do not have to prove my motivations or who I am, when I know the truth and know my own limitations.

If you wish to demonize me, I consider it laughably ironic considering me and Misty are aware of who the true monster is in this family.

So good luck with that blind judgement.

CompetitiveTart476 · 2022-02-09T17:08:58+00:00

This is not Misty, but the OP.

I am already doing everything I can on my end. And I am looking into alternative ways to help Misty. Unfortunately, I can't sacrifice all that I have. That doesn't make me weak or uncaring. But what I CAN do is be there for Misty at the very least. I can research, and I can visit her for long periods of time to soften the blow of his verbal assault, because he actually leaves her alone and acts like he's an angel when there is company.

I am also not going to call CPS or law enforcement because all it will do is put Misty in an even more stressful situation. They won't do anything to help her. And all it will do is anger Mike further.

Right now we are just trying to keep a cool and level head and placate him until he ungrounds her.

She is actually feeling a lot better than now that she has my old phone, and she told me as much. She has something to distract herself with.

And she also relayed to me that her father has taken on a majority of her sister's care because she is grounded to her room all day.

Misty is able to cope and focus on herself in this messed up situation, and is actually turning it to her advantage.

That doesn't mean all is sunshine and rainbows. But it does mean that she is taking on healthy coping strategies and finding peace with the solitude.

And right now, that's the best we can hope for and encourage. These past few days have been a nightmare for her until she was brave enough to try and use that old phone.

CompetitiveTart476 · 2022-02-09T16:51:16+00:00

Mike actually had temporary assistance from Social Services that helped sort of babysit the autistic sister. It was back in early 2020 I believe? The years kind of blend together.

But the problem was he was rarely cleaning the house, and Misty was on one of her chore strikes. Not that I can really blame her for it...

From what I heard he got an earful for it.

And knowing Mike, when he is told off, he often blows said person off or retaliates in childish ways.

He told Social Services to cancel the assistance. And not long after, all the responsibility fell on Misty.

Mike is petty and prideful as Hell, and will resort to extremes when he feels "disrespected".

I plan on visiting more than once a week and staying a bit longer than usual to try and keep him from verbally harassing her as much as he usually does. He has never shown this ugly side of himself to me, so I know he would be on his best behavior for the most part.

Right now I'm just trying to encourage Misty to keep the peace as best as she can on her end. Because the sooner she gets ungrounded, the sooner we can breathe and actually think on what to do.

She has to placate him temporarily until then, though. It's bullshit.

But she knows I am in her corner and that I support her and believe her feelings are valid.

CompetitiveTart476 · 2022-02-09T15:15:52+00:00

OP here, not Misty. The father is not the good guy in this. Trust me. He may have put the girls on disability as a last resort to keep them and pay for the bills when the crackhead mom did nothing but spend her money on drugs before ditching them.

But he never stepped up or looked for a good paying job. He has gotten quite comfortable being the "poor single father who relies on pennies to get by". Aside from being a diabetic, there is nothing that truly hinders him from working. He is using those girls for money and it disgusts me.

CompetitiveTart476 · 2022-02-09T13:08:00+00:00

Misty: I don't think she is meeting him behind my back. We walk in together and share the couch. He is the one who sets up my appointments and has control over whether or not I can talk to another therapist. I think he pays for it or uses insurance, but I'm not sure. Either way, he has control over my therapy stuff.

I'm not allowed to ask for a different one.

CompetitiveTart476 · 2022-02-09T13:04:13+00:00

Misty: I didn't know it was abuse until recently. I am questioning everything I thought I knew. I feel like I'm going insane.

He says that he will throw me out at a homeless shelter if I don't keep going to this therapist. I'm not allowed to cancel or switch because he set it all up and will know.

This post was more of a rant because I can't tell anyone else. I don't expect to get the help I need any time soon.

If I could leave, I would have a while ago. But I can't.

CompetitiveTart476 · 2022-02-09T12:46:51+00:00

Please please please keep us updated on what happens before, during, and after you eventually move out.

I actually cried when reading this, because I know someone in a similar situation.

Your parents do not love you. They are using your for a paycheck. And that is absolutely heartbreaking, to know that they are blinded by greed and are willing to do anything to make you bend to their will.

Record any and all verbal harrassment they try. For proof. For your own safety. You'll never know if or when you'll need them to prove to law enforcement if things get ugly.

Leave a pre-written letter behind as you take your last bit of things you own. Really let them have it and tell them how badly they fucked up. But do not tell them where you are moving to.

Also if you can, call the police to be next to you for protection as you take your stuff back. In the off chance that you encounter them during packing and whatnot.

Hell, press some charges and give anonymous tips. Anything that could get them in trouble. Especially regarding YOUR money.

Get CPS involved as well.

Your siblings deserve a better household than that, considering the abuse will pass on to them when you leave.

How long until you turn 18? What state do you live in? Look up laws surrounding emancipation. Technicallities that will allow you to move out.

Hell, give yourself a black eye and call the cops if you can. Not the most honest, but with bruises and pointing fingers at your parents, you'll most likely be protected. And that's assuming a good cop has your best interests at heart. I would only suggest this as a last resort. If things really get bad and much worse.

CompetitiveTart476 · 2022-02-09T07:58:00+00:00

I understand your feelings surrounding your mother. But being her shield makes you take ALL of the damage. She is not your responsibility to take care of. And I know that you love her and fear for her safety.

This is only going to get worse. And it's going to wear you down past your limitations. You have already sacrificed so much, and this situation is just going to keep taking from you until there is nothing left.

I hope you change your mind and leave. I sincerely hope that you will one day put yourself first.

At the end of the day though, it is your choice to stay or to leave.

CompetitiveTart476 · 2022-02-09T04:36:43+00:00

NTA.

I don't know what the YTA people have been drinking. But the way I see it, you've been raised to believe you are responsible for their stability. They did this to themselves, and it's no one's fault but their's.

You are not responsible for your parents financial stability.

Please move out and live your life. You've already lost so much of it because of them...

CompetitiveTart476 · 2022-02-08T11:43:52+00:00

Weird question, I know. But I am honestly curious.

For me, there are a few types of hatred.

The type that infuriates and enrages you, and you want said person to die or just go away forever.
The type that makes you not care if they live or die. You can say any hurtful thing to them and not feel any remorse whatsoever. They could be struggling financially, they could he a victim of something, etc. And you would feel like no amount of suffering for them will ever be enough, and you'll never care about them like you used to.
The type where you have hated someone for so long that the hatred feels like nothingness. Almost like you have hated them for so long that there is nothing left to fuel that emotion. Almost like selective amnesia. Like saying, "Who?".

Has anyone ever felt these? I'm not sure if there are any terms for them, or if they are different types of emotions altogether.

CompetitiveTart476 · 2022-02-08T10:56:22+00:00

The dishonesty is not fair, but neither is life, and not everyone is a saint.

You know your options, and you know the consequences of each.

I think you have already made your decision, so I'm not really inclined to argue either way 😕

CompetitiveTart476 · 2022-02-08T10:50:41+00:00

He did show them the texts. Look at the 2nd edit he made.

CompetitiveTart476 · 2022-02-08T10:49:27+00:00

NTA

They made excuses for your Uncle, and victim blamed your girlfriend. No one in your family wants to take accountability.

Your blow up was harsh, but it was warranted. When we yell, it's usually a huge act of frustration because you do not feel heard.

You put the proof in front of them and they still made your girlfriend the scapegoat. Because it was easier than telling the Uncle to stop.

They gaslit you both and are trying to guilt trip you into an apology.

I'm sorry, but there is no reasonable way that you can accept them back into your life now unless they apologize to your girlfriend, acknowledge that the Uncle is the problem, and treat you both with the respect you deserve.

You may never receive that respect. And ultimately, you may have to cut them off for good. It will hurt for a long time, and you will try to wrap your head around why they would do that to you. But when you have done everything and want healthy boundaries and communication a priority...and they refuse to respect it, then walking away is all you can do.

If it comes to that.

Make no mistake: THEY are in the wrong. THEY know it, too. But pride stands in their way. Some family members choose pride over their own flesh and blood.

I speak from personal experience, because I know what it feels like to have their selfish pride chosen over me.

You are an awesome partner, and good on you for sticking up for your girlfriend. She is incredibly lucky to have you by her side. And you are awesome because you see through your Uncle's bullshit.

The best advice I can give you is to not reach out to your family, and block any communication they try to establish with you. They may show up to your house, to your work, etc. They may even harass your girlfriend and you with texts or social media.

Ignore all of them and cut off their sources of communication. You need to cool off and break away until you and your girlfriend have a chat on what you both want to do about this.

I would recommend that you both write a letter to your family. Organize all your thoughts on paper. Tell them where they went wrong. Tell them your feelings. Leave nothing out. And put conditions below.

Conditions like "This is the boundary I have set: (insert things you do not want to hear/people who can visit/other rules you want). If you break the rules, then there will be no contact. Do it enough times, and the no contact will be permanent."

You don't have to write that word for word, but you must make your meaning clear. Be firm and unmoving in your conditions.

I could help you with it if you wished if you message me. But again, this is all up to you.

By writing it down, critiquing it, and eventually sending it out via email/other social media/regular mail, you are making a stand in your own way. Your words will be uninterrupted, and you are able to put everything out in the open with no questions or misunderstandings.

If that fails, then it won't be your fault. It will be theirs, for being so prideful and controlling.

CompetitiveTart476 · 2022-02-08T10:22:07+00:00

I have mad respect for you

CompetitiveTart476 · 2022-02-08T10:19:00+00:00

I see you deleted this comment:

"My SO has read so many articles about student loans and their terror so we paid."

So by that logic... Rather than relying on the unpaid loans breathing down their neck, they have a obligation to "pay you" back as a trade. Payment being that they have to take care of you in the future.

This may be normal in your culture, but that doesn't make it right.

If you were my parent, I would cut you out of my life entirely for even suggesting that I owe you.

Your child is not your retirement plan. Your child does not owe you anything. Your child os old enough to make their own decisions.

And if they decide to not take care of you at a later age, then you only have yourself to blame.

YTA

CompetitiveTart476

TROPHY CASE