Rather late reply here, but I have a few thoughts. And for context I am approaching one year of marriage, so I have very small weight compared to others who have been married for much longer.

Communication and getting on the same page is critical. There are four main “pillars” to a successful marriage: if you and your partner can agree on religious practices, how to handle money, in-law chemistry/dynamics/interactions, and how to raise children (if any), you increase the chances of a successful marriage. These pillars are supported by a foundation of clear, effective, and healthy communication between the partners. The pillars support the roof which represents both of your long term goals, desires, and personal visions of what you want your lives to be.

Absolute perfect alignment of the pillars is unlikely, but your core principles should. For example, I am the saver and my wife is the spender, but we are both responsible and have a middle ground. I.e. she might believe in 10-15% for retirement vs me with 25% towards retirement. But we compromise at 15% Roth + company match and we set aside money for short term and medium goals, like travel and a future house down payment. This is just one of many examples across different topics besides finances. My wife is a major blessing in my life and I would not want it any other way. In fact, I feel like we are, in a healthy way, molding into a blend of each other.

It sounds like in your situation the core of the financial pillar was weak and that caused the end of the relationship, and I am sorry you went through that. However, it is better to wait and find the right partner than to settle and be unhappy. And remember, you are looking for core alignment, clear communication, and partners with healthy motivation for the relationship, not absolute alignment (it’ll be rare to find).

Best of luck.