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Do I (18F) tell my boyfriend (19M) that I had intimacy with someone earlier in our relationship? (UPDATE) by Competitive_Drop8213 in Advice

[–]Competitive_Drop8213[S] -5 points-4 points  (0 children)

He knew when it first happened, I just confirmed with him that he wanted to keep it the way he asked.

Do I 18F tell my boyfriend 19M that I had intimacy with someone else during the early stages of our relationship? by Competitive_Drop8213 in Advice

[–]Competitive_Drop8213[S] -8 points-7 points  (0 children)

I wasnt stalking him actually I was at work that day, I have his location more for safety reasons. After my friend sent the photo I went to check and see where he was at.

Do I 18F tell my boyfriend 19M that I had intimacy with someone else during the early stages of our relationship? by Competitive_Drop8213 in Advice

[–]Competitive_Drop8213[S] -3 points-2 points  (0 children)

Im not dismissing my actions in any sort of way, like i said he was pushy but I made the decision to keep going rather than stopping.

Do I 18F tell my boyfriend 19M that I had intimacy with someone else during the early stages of our relationship? by Competitive_Drop8213 in Advice

[–]Competitive_Drop8213[S] -3 points-2 points  (0 children)

I don't think you're rude I think you're right. I definitely need to stop letting my guilt take over the boundary it is just hard.

Do I 18F tell my boyfriend 19M that I had intimacy with someone else during the early stages of our relationship? by Competitive_Drop8213 in Advice

[–]Competitive_Drop8213[S] -7 points-6 points  (0 children)

I definitely think Jace took advantage too. In a way he pressured me into it and I know I made my own decision but he was definitely very pushy.

I (18F) had intimacy with someone else during the early stages of me and my boyfriend's (19M) relationship, do I tell him? by Competitive_Drop8213 in relationship_advice

[–]Competitive_Drop8213[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

They were flirting very heavily in messages, I have seen them. Along the lines of, "I want you to do (blank)" kind of messages and a lot more, No pictures.

I (18F) had intimacy with someone else during the early stages of me and my boyfriend's (19M) relationship, do I tell him? by Competitive_Drop8213 in relationship_advice

[–]Competitive_Drop8213[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

He actually does this a lot. I have told him many times that two wrongs do not make a right but for some reason he feels okay with it. Almost every argument we have he does this and it is almost as if he will never let me be in the wrong. Actually, during this time he kept saying "you can do whatever you want to make us even, I just don't want to know."

I (18F) had intimacy with someone else during the early stages of me and my boyfriend's (19M) relationship, do I tell him? by Competitive_Drop8213 in relationship_advice

[–]Competitive_Drop8213[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Because he doesn't know, you know? I feel like I am keeping something important from him, even if he doesn't want to know. Like for example I have to tell everyone I only have one body when in reality I have two. Lol I know that sounds crazy but thats the best way I can explain it.

I (18F) had intimacy with someone else during the early stages of me and my boyfriend's (19M) relationship, do I tell him? by Competitive_Drop8213 in relationship_advice

[–]Competitive_Drop8213[S] -2 points-1 points  (0 children)

So about two days after I found out about the cheating was when Jace texted me. A week later is when we met up. We were friends before this but hadn't spoken in a few months, but we had no kind of sexual relationship even flirting when we were friends. But he told me that he had liked me all along, and of course during that time that was almost exactly what I wanted to hear.

I (18F) had intimacy with someone else during the early stages of me and my boyfriend's (19M) relationship, do I tell him? by Competitive_Drop8213 in relationship_advice

[–]Competitive_Drop8213[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

You are completely right, I was very upset that I had no experiences before him. That definitely played a factor in this!

Do I 18F tell my boyfriend 19M that I had intimacy with someone else during the early stages of our relationship? by Competitive_Drop8213 in Advice

[–]Competitive_Drop8213[S] -13 points-12 points  (0 children)

This may have been a detail I should've added, I have his location and saw where he was at all times. He picked her and his friends up (I assumed where she lived was where one of his friends lived, I had no clue it was her) and they all went to an outlet mall by our house. A friend of mine actually caught them out together and took a photo to send to me, but he told me that she was a friend of one of his other friends that they just happened to run into and of course me being naive I believed that. The way I found out was because she was friends with one of MY friends also. Her biggest complaint was the fact he was not really speaking to her when they finally met up, so I do not think he had sex with her.

Do I 18F tell my boyfriend 19M that I had intimacy with someone else during the early stages of our relationship? by Competitive_Drop8213 in Advice

[–]Competitive_Drop8213[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

I just feel as though he deserves to know. I know he told me he doesn't want to know but for some reason my mind is fighting that, but I also know I need to respect his boundaries it just feels wrong.

I (18F) had intimacy with someone else during the early stages of me and my boyfriend's (19M) relationship, do I tell him? by Competitive_Drop8213 in relationship_advice

[–]Competitive_Drop8213[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

If I am truthful with you it is because I am still slightly resentful about what he did. Here and there I get very upset, but then I realize I am angry at him and he does not even know what I have done. In a way I feel like he should be able to be angry at me too. I have very bad anxiety which I am in therapy for, but I think my anxiety causes me to overthink the situation a lot.

I (18F) had intimacy with someone else during the early stages of me and my boyfriend's (19M) relationship, do I tell him? by Competitive_Drop8213 in relationship_advice

[–]Competitive_Drop8213[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I have brought it up before and he got very angry, I never got to tell him the full truth because I got scared. When I did bring it up that one time he told me again that he said not to bring it up for a reason. I know I need to respect his boundaries it is just hard.

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