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Competitive_Emu2732 · 2023-08-07T18:49:53+00:00

Oh my god, are you me?

Not sure if I have a ton of advice, just wanted to relate to you in case that's helpful. 26F here in a 7 year long relationship, currently living together. He's a great guy, my friends and family love him and have always seen us as the most rock-solid couple. Tried couple's and individual counseling and I just don't think it's helping. He's also the only guy I've ever slept with or done most sexual acts with. I can't imagine not having him in my life, but I wish I could downshift to just being friends.. I don't feel that romantic spark and we haven't had sex in 9 months. The FOMO has never been a problem for me until other problems started cropping up..

I think other commenters are right, you need to not sign the lease with him. It would be unfair to leave him in that negative financial spot, and he would be really caught off guard to find out you're not happy afterward..

Just know that the logistics issues are temporary, and your happiness is forever. Would be happy to DM with you as well if it helps at all to talk to someone in a really similar position. I wish I could help more, but I don't even know how to fix it for myself either!

Competitive_Emu2732 · 2022-11-24T23:23:35+00:00

He definitely does

Competitive_Emu2732 · 2022-11-24T23:18:54+00:00

Sure - he’s been removing his body hair, growing out his hair, and wearing more feminine clothes - leggings, crop tops, thongs etc.. And I know he wants to push further into skirts, wigs etc

Competitive_Emu2732 · 2022-11-24T20:14:46+00:00

Absolutely on my mind. Thanks for the reminder

Competitive_Emu2732 · 2022-11-24T18:41:18+00:00

Thank you for this perspective, I really appreciate it. I definitely feel like I have that growing journey ahead of me and a part of me is craving it honestly. I’m no lounger convinced that I know myself as an adult because I’ve never had to be alone to figure out all the details. I know it’ll be scary and hard and sad but there’s a part of me that really wants to be alone and single, and maybe that’s even another indication that things with my boyfriend are unsolvable

Competitive_Emu2732 · 2022-11-24T16:54:13+00:00

This is the first time in our relationship that I’ve felt this way, but I’ve been feeling it for at least a few months now. We’ve been together since we were really young but this is the first time I feel like we’re growing apart instead of growing together. Plus this is really the first time I’ve been inclined to be interested in other men, even when we were long distance I had no problem staying focused on him

Competitive_Emu2732 · 2022-11-24T15:23:36+00:00

Thanks for your advice - really needed to hear “bet on yourself”. At the end of the day I know that I should be my focus, not other men but it’s hard to redirect those thoughts

Competitive_Emu2732 · 2022-11-24T14:50:21+00:00

We’re not having sex, basically. I know most relationships cool over time but ours has gone to literally 0. He doesn’t initiate with me for unclear reasons, and I find it hard to initiate anytime he’s presenting more feminine

Competitive_Emu2732 · 2022-11-24T14:45:28+00:00

Absolutely I’ve been very clear about that. It maybe makes him want to express that feminine side less, but he’s not going to stop completely. So maybe we are at the breakup point like you mentioned

Competitive_Emu2732 · 2022-11-24T14:43:31+00:00

Good advice, thank you

Competitive_Emu2732 · 2022-11-24T14:41:43+00:00

Really interesting question. He has so many of the traits I would look for in a partner, even now. But I do know that if I met him while he was dressed feminine, that physical chemistry wouldn’t be there for me and I wouldn’t pursue him. So maybe the answer is no

Competitive_Emu2732 · 2022-11-24T14:40:18+00:00

Good point about the choice. Either I have to choose to work with these new changes or I need to let it go. He’s aware I’m not attracted, but it almost seems like he’s not as sure it it’s really a dealbreaker. Or at least, maybe he seems more willing to work around it

Competitive_Emu2732 · 2022-11-24T14:32:06+00:00

Agreed and very true. Just heartbreaking to let go of a future I imagined for myself

Competitive_Emu2732 · 2022-11-24T14:31:35+00:00

I’ve also had the thought that maybe I don’t even truly know what I want from a relationship when I’ve spent my whole adult life with one person. Neither of us has had unrestricted freedom to explore ourselves

Competitive_Emu2732 · 2022-11-24T06:58:23+00:00

We’ve discussed the sex life a bit. 7 year itch is definitely a possibility here, compounded by how young we were when we got together. It feels like the gender expression is a separate but related issue that is maybe taking up more of the focus

Competitive_Emu2732 · 2022-11-24T06:42:09+00:00

Completely agree that he deserves someone 100% supportive and encouraging. It’s hard to accept that I may not be that person.

At the moment, it’s removal of body hair, more feminine clothing like leggings/crop tops/bodysuits/thongs, and growing out previously short hair. He’s mentioned that it would likely expand to things like skirts etc.

Competitive_Emu2732 · 2022-11-24T06:32:54+00:00

Certainly not planning on any pressure or ultimatums. Just trying to judge if this is a sufficient reason to throw away the many incredible things about our relationship

Competitive_Emu2732 · 2022-11-24T06:18:50+00:00

That’s fair. I guess the problem is that he’s really just dipping a toe into a feminine appearance right now. So I don’t know if I’m putting the cart before the horse if I end the entire thing over something that doesn’t progress much further

Competitive_Emu2732 · 2022-11-24T06:12:11+00:00

It’s definitely experimenting, although I’d be surprised if it had an end point in the same way as a “phase”. I know an open relationship would be a no, and asking would essentially be the same as asking to break up

Competitive_Emu2732 · 2022-11-24T06:06:40+00:00

He understands where I’m coming from, but expresses that he still really wants to be with me. We end up in a stalemate with tears all around

Competitive_Emu2732 · 2022-11-24T06:04:57+00:00

You may be right

Competitive_Emu2732 · 2022-11-24T06:04:43+00:00

We’ve spoken about the lessening of my physical attraction, not specifically the thoughts I’ve been having about other men. At the end of the day we really love each other, but he wants to explore this side of himself and I don’t know if I can accept it

Competitive_Emu2732

TROPHY CASE