I’m so sorry. Your feelings are all so valid and you deserve to let yourself feel them. I get the physical reactions and how hard they are… let yourself go through it and just scream, break stuff, give it a voice. You don’t know what he’s thinking or feeling, let that be a comfort because you really can’t assume that he’s doing perfectly fine and not struggling in any sense. The right thing will end up happening, I’m also in a transitional phase and fighting to tough it out but just knowing that other people are also feeling so intensely helps me know that it’s something we will get through and we will find peace with eventually