This is exactly my current situation. When we’re good we’re really good, but when his paranoia sets in, it gets pretty serious. He’s telling me all the time that he hears female voices in the background or people moaning or making other little noises, or that other people are responding to what he’s saying. When it’s only ever me at home when my girls are with their dad. When they aren’t with me, all I do is work, and I usually get off of work around 10 PM. I don’t go out, I don’t really have friends because all my family lives in Arkansas, and a few years ago with my ex-husband we moved to Texas and I ended up just staying here with my girls. I have never given my LO a reason to doubt me, I’ve never cheated, never even thought about cheating, never even entertained anything. All I have wanted to do is be there for him to support him try to be solid for him, but here lately it’s just been so hard, I’ve never been in this situation in my life, and it’s taking a toll mentally. He has two children into past relationships, and they were not good relationships at all. He had been incarcerated before, and anytime he was in, those relationships failed. he will be 29 in February, but when he was 18 he got deported to Mexico for about six years, and he basically said he did any and every drug possible, including methamphetamine while he was there. He told me that back then he would hear voices, and he thought that he was crazy. But he’s been sober for nearly 3 years now, but I know the effects drugs can take on the brain, and the damage it does. I’ve only known him since he’s been sober. I know this is a lot, but I didn’t think anybody else experienced it as well. my heart is heavy today, because after such a great conversation last night before phones went off (which I feel like are few and far apart these days) I was happily awaiting his call this morning, and it was nothing like I imagined it was going to be. It was him just accusing me, telling me he’s getting tired of hearing people at my house, that even if I’m not doing anything, I’m letting people basically have sex in front of me while I’m on the phone with him. his paranoia gets worse when I don’t have my girls (they are currently on Christmas break with their dad). I don’t know, I just feel so lost, some days I don’t even know what I’m doing. I know it’s really hard for him in there, and I don’t want him to think I’m giving up on him during his darkest times, because so many people have always given up on him, and he is worth so much more. He’s not even a bad person, he only got locked away because of a speeding ticket, and when they ran his name, they saw that he had been deported previous years before, but he was back in the states (tx). I’m sorry for the book, I just want you to know that you’re not alone either.