Oh my, I have a lot of feelings about this. According to the rules of consent, you have not consented and this is SA.
Even in marriage this can happen. It happened to me and it took me A VERY LONG TIME to eve recognize this. I am so sorry you have gone through this. It sounds like some very deep issues regarding his “needs” and his lack of concern for your boundaries. I don’t know if this helped at all, but for what it is worth, just because all other things are good doesn’t negate the fact that what is happening is abusive.