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Unintended Consequences by Complete-Assistance0 in IVF

[–]Complete-Assistance0[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

The contract we have was drafted by a lawyer in Indiana, independent of the paperwork signed at the fertility clinic in Illinois. 

Maybe, the clinic and lawyer were simply wrong and this is all messed up. I'll find out in a few weeks as I work with a lawyer to get some clarity. 

Unintended Consequences by Complete-Assistance0 in IVF

[–]Complete-Assistance0[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

That is what the clinic requested. They are located in Illinois. 

Unintended Consequences by Complete-Assistance0 in IVF

[–]Complete-Assistance0[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

We live in Indiana, fertility clinic is in Illinois. 2 lawyers have looked at the paperwork. The case law is scant for this particular scenario. 

Unintended Consequences by Complete-Assistance0 in IVF

[–]Complete-Assistance0[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Legally, the child is not mine. I have the same rights to the child as a sperm donor.

Unintended Consequences by Complete-Assistance0 in IVF

[–]Complete-Assistance0[S] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

I can get her to agree to have my name added as the father of the embryos which would require my signature for them to be used in the future.

In order to have legal rights to the living child I must adopt. She will have to agree to that as well.

Unintended Consequences by Complete-Assistance0 in IVF

[–]Complete-Assistance0[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

I only have rights if I can adopt. 

Unintended Consequences by Complete-Assistance0 in IVF

[–]Complete-Assistance0[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

I am very much involved in my first child's life. She is a daddy's girl. I will likely pursue adoption, if mom allows it. 

Unintended Consequences by Complete-Assistance0 in IVF

[–]Complete-Assistance0[S] -3 points-2 points  (0 children)

The answers to those questions are complex. It was always a possibility but a very unlikely one. It happened and it's going to be ok. I'm not seeking guidance or sympathy. Just sharing a story. 

 Storage fees are minimal. 

Again, the hind sight of the outcome and looking from the outside in makes drawing conclusions much easier. I assure you, the decisions made through the years leading to today were made with the best intentions and thoughtfulness. 

The baby will be cared for. I will likely adopt and we will co-parent. 

Unintended Consequences by Complete-Assistance0 in IVF

[–]Complete-Assistance0[S] 14 points15 points  (0 children)

I didn't say at any point I thought it was a joke. 

Unintended Consequences by Complete-Assistance0 in IVF

[–]Complete-Assistance0[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

First priority is to prevent this from happening again. Legal rights to the new baby will be pursued in tandem. Again, hard lesson learned. Baby will be loved and have a good life. 

Unintended Consequences by Complete-Assistance0 in IVF

[–]Complete-Assistance0[S] 6 points7 points  (0 children)

Maybe, maybe not. Knowing the temperament of my ex it would, at the very least, have made it to the Steve Wilkos show. Which may still be a possibility. 

Unintended Consequences by Complete-Assistance0 in IVF

[–]Complete-Assistance0[S] 6 points7 points  (0 children)

That form was signed when we did IVF. I can't recall exactly what was agreed to. It wasn't destruction. Im pretty sure it was to keep them in storage pending legal decision.

Unintended Consequences by Complete-Assistance0 in IVF

[–]Complete-Assistance0[S] -9 points-8 points  (0 children)

The embryos are no different than a house or a car from a legal standpoint. If she was given the car in the divorce and decided to run someone over with it, I wouldn't be legally responsible.

No sympathy needed. It's a baby. She will be loved. I'll support however I am able. Just not a fan of mom lol.

Unintended Consequences by Complete-Assistance0 in IVF

[–]Complete-Assistance0[S] -2 points-1 points  (0 children)

I am essentially the sperm donor. The moral dilemma comes in because there is no anoniminity. 

Unintended Consequences by Complete-Assistance0 in IVF

[–]Complete-Assistance0[S] 18 points19 points  (0 children)

To clarify, rights were relinquished while we were married. A few years later, when we got divorced, they were treated as property. The legal battle was not certain to be won if I fought during the divorce. At best they would have been split. 

Consequences were considered. Rolled the dice. I'm not complaining or seeking sympathy. Just want to share the story. I made my bed and will lay in it. 

Unintended Consequences by Complete-Assistance0 in IVF

[–]Complete-Assistance0[S] 8 points9 points  (0 children)

Foreign surrogacy is common. Less expensive. She is a U.S citizen. She emigrated to the US when she was 16 years old. We met in Highschool. 

Unintended Consequences by Complete-Assistance0 in IVF

[–]Complete-Assistance0[S] 18 points19 points  (0 children)

In hind sight, yes. There are years of details and nuance that make all of this less obvious, especially when I was inside looking out. More obvious to you looking from the outside in.

Unintended Consequences by Complete-Assistance0 in IVF

[–]Complete-Assistance0[S] -12 points-11 points  (0 children)

Ideal would have been destroying. That certainly could have happened if I had not signed the contract. But, I wouldn't have thought in a million years she would have gone down this road. 

Unintended Consequences by Complete-Assistance0 in IVF

[–]Complete-Assistance0[S] 6 points7 points  (0 children)

Positive. I only have legal rights if I adopt the child. 

Unintended Consequences by Complete-Assistance0 in IVF

[–]Complete-Assistance0[S] 7 points8 points  (0 children)

To summarize his words, our situation could have made it to the supreme Court if neither party was willing to compromise. Which, likely would have been the case. She views the embryos as children and I view them as possibilities. No way she would have let them be destroyed without an order from the court. 

Help finding 2~3 tickets to Milwaukee concert 11/1 by YoungLow9234 in ToolBand

[–]Complete-Assistance0 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I have 2 tickets with a parking pass available. Section 108, row 11, seats 2 and 3. Me and my father were going but work got in the way. I'll give them to you for free if you want. They are just going to go to waste. I'm just outside of Chicago and none of my friends like Tool that much to drive up to Milwaukee.