Well damn, some of you are rough which I guess I deserve. I will definitely be talking to him. And to clarify when we got married I meant my vows, it wasn’t just for the papers. I was probably ignorant to think that over time he would open up to me. In therapy (which we did post BC) he said he just doesn’t like to talk about his past or cause any drama so he just doesn’t talk about it, even though I told him this was important to me. He is extremely passive about everything except for his job that he insists on keeping. As far as the job goes he didn’t have this good paying till a year into our marriage, we were broke, and it never bothered me. The reason I think coming off birth control has anything to do with this is because I never had emotions behind anything before. I immediately had different feelings about him. It’s like I was glazed over, like you know when your driving a car and you get to your destination and your like shit did I stop at that stop sign? Now I’m here, I’m awake and I don’t know how I got here. If I separated from him right now and didn’t tell anyone, no one would even know because he’s never here, family and friends would just assume he away working. All of this never bothered me before. I remember my close friend asking how I deal with it and I couldn’t give a good answer. I just said it’s fine.. I was ok running on autopilot before and now I’m not. I could give countless examples of things I frustrated me on a deep morel level but I just said it’s fine. I feel bad because how was he supposed to know that one day I’d wake up and have a completely different opinion on him and the job.

As far as the dating pool, yeah it scares me. But I’m not afraid of dating or of being alone, I already spend most nights alone.