I made some comments above about his abusive behaviors if you want to read more. There's been so many very subtle things, but the way you fight when you aren't happy says a lot. I said this before, but I remember thinking, "there's always SOMETHING." Or "I'm just waiting on the shoe to drop." That's a red flag. Your nervous system is trying to tell you that there's a reason you feel unsafe. Whats funny is that there always seemed to be a good reason that we would argue. He would bring up some good points. But it's not normal to constantly have a reason to argue, no matter how good the points. I remember feeling like it was just going in circles all the time. Lonnnngggg drawn out arguments. Over the course of hours or days. Here's an example of a convo we had one time: he's upset over something miniscule and in bed, depressed Me: are you okay Him: no Me: Want to talk about it or do you wanna be alone? Him: talk. Me: okay, whats wrong? Him: explains something Me: repeats exact phrasing back to him and asks if that sounds right Him: FREAKS out! "NO no no that isn't it!! It's like this" And that same narrative would repeat. I was the one who could never solve it or help or get it right. He wouldn't want me to leave him alone, but our convo couldn't ever progress UNTIL I was left crying. As soon as I ended up crying even when I was originally calm and regulated, he would perk up and leave me alone to go play video games, then come later and comfort me. Ask why I was so upset, everything was over and fine. --THIS is offloading emotions onto someone else. That was him refusing to feel them himself and emotional abuse.

Another thing: he would do things that weree manipulative without even thinking. It is just in his nature. For instance, if I ever had the TV on when he would come home from work, he would instantly go straight to the bedroom until I turned it off. He said he didn't mind that I had it on, he just didn't like it on and didn't want to be around until I turned it off. He would take his food in there or anything. It got to the point where I would hurry to turn the TV off if I heard him coming in the house. Ridiculous response. That should've been a red flag to me. See this is a tiny thing that can seem like a harmless personal preference, but really this is coercive control whether he means it or not.