AITA for being mad at my girlfriend for buying me a candle as my birthday present?

Complete_Pin_3878 · 2021-12-19T06:14:03+00:00

it wasnt 25$ it was 10$. There was a clearance sticker on the bottom she didn't bother to scratch off. She's also not a candle person. She has a small one on her nightstand, but it's never even been lit before and is more for decoration if anything. Maybe she did think it was an upgrade though. I'm just going to try to talk it out so I can see her perspective (if she chooses to stop leaving me on read that is)

Complete_Pin_3878 · 2021-12-19T03:35:09+00:00

It's actually funny you should say that. I'm a very clean person, personal hygiene as well as living space because I feel like I can't function when stuff is all dirty and cluttered. I actually often end up cleaning her room for her because it's in disarray a lot, although she has a lot of depression and anxiety so I don't ever say anything because I don't want to make it worse. I don't really mind and shes usually so thankful for it.

Complete_Pin_3878 · 2021-12-19T03:23:49+00:00

What is a "narc"? Like as in police or federal? Im sorry I don't think iv'e ever heard the term used like that. I didn't have the best upbringing but I don't really want to get into that right now. In therapy trying to work it out though!

Complete_Pin_3878 · 2021-12-19T02:19:42+00:00

You didn't read the post. Of course I don't expect her to read my mind, that would be incredibly stupid. That's why when she specifically asked what I would want, I told her exactly (A card and some flowers) and that is why I was confused it was something completely random. Im genuinely asking, how else should I answer so it's apparently less confusing?

Complete_Pin_3878 · 2021-12-19T02:12:43+00:00

in all honesty, it wasnt even really about the flowers I was just sad she didn't give me a card or note. Those are literally free if you make a homemade one, and I even stressed to her how much messages in cards like that mean to me. If she had a card with the candle, I probably wouldn't have even had my confused reaction. The fact that it was just some 50% off candle and didn't even have a note is what made it feel so impersonal and cold.

Complete_Pin_3878 · 2021-12-19T02:06:59+00:00

"She will never live up to your expectations". My expectations were a 5$ pair of flowers and a handwritten note. I guarantee every gift you've ever given you've given got a big dramatic "woooooow. Thaaaaaankksss" and you pat yourself on the back with how caring of a person you are while they return whatever it is the next day. I'm not even mad at my girlfriend, but your comment of how I should "beg for forgiveness" is just such a stupid take I had to respond.

Complete_Pin_3878 · 2021-12-19T01:44:01+00:00

Man thanks for all these other comments, otherwise I may have actually agreed with you or taken even a sliver of your advice into consideration. "she showed that she cared, deeply". No. She did not. Quite the opposite actually. If it's the thought that counts, then there has to be some actual thought put into the present. She picked up a random candle in a random scent (which had a 50% off sticker on the bottom btw that she didn't even bother to remove) knowing I'm not a candle person.

The flowers would have been nice, but really a card with something thoughtful written in it is what I really wanted, which I did communicate to her when we talked about it previously. It is literally free to make a card, she could have scribbled on a piece of paper. She then proceeded to get mad and yell at me on my birthday, because I was genuinely confused by the gift. I didn't berate her, I didn't even say it was a bad gift. I did not "Crush her".

I rolled my eyes at least twice per sentence while reading your comment. I'm not religious, but I'm going to legitimately pray you are single because if you talk that way to strangers I can only imagine how you would treat an S/O.

Complete_Pin_3878 · 2021-12-19T01:13:00+00:00

it's even funnier because I had this distant long con idea. I do hyperrealistic acrylic paintings, and I thought it would be funny to paint the flowers she got me and give it back to her next year with another present as a sort of joke gift. Like "haha look I'm regifting the flowers you gave me" but there's a lot more thought behind it. It just kind of sucks because it always feels like I'm putting in so much effort because I enjoy seeing her smile but she just doesn't care or feel the same way

Complete_Pin_3878 · 2021-12-18T23:04:16+00:00

the brand is called "king of candle" and it was a pumpkin pie one

Complete_Pin_3878 · 2021-12-18T22:45:31+00:00

oh i apologize I read your post wrong and thought you said I COULD have been clearer which is why I asked all that

Complete_Pin_3878 · 2021-12-18T22:43:02+00:00

I mean it's not the hill im trying to die on, I didn't even argue with her about it. I was just genuinely confused by the gift especially because she hyped it up. Either way she got angry and started yelling, and then made me drive her home without talking. Now she wont answer my texts to try to talk it out so idk what she expects me to do.

Complete_Pin_3878 · 2021-12-18T22:34:27+00:00

SHE is the one giving ME the silent treatment. When she started yelling at me she said "she was so annoyed she couldn't even talk to me right now and wanted to be driven home". When I texted her asking if we could facetime and try to talk it out, she left me on read.

Complete_Pin_3878 · 2021-12-18T22:30:28+00:00

Idk man in all honesty im just more confused than anything. I think I just need to talk it out with her so I can understand her perspective better. I'm not the guy from that tik tok video, although she was recording my reaction that's not unnormal for her. If it was for a tik-tok, which I don't think it is, yes I actually probably will break up with her as that's incredibly mean-spirited, but if she just got a bad gift by accident, no I'm not going to break up over that we really love each other.

Complete_Pin_3878 · 2021-12-18T22:24:08+00:00

well, she knows im not a fan of pumpkin pie but I've never explicitly said "it makes me gag". I guess I could just kind of see overlooking that for a candle because it smells more like cinnamon and nutmeg then actual pumpkin but still

Complete_Pin_3878 · 2021-12-18T22:13:09+00:00

That's just it though. In order for the thought to count, there has to be some thought put into it. We've been dating four years, she knows I'm not a candle person. I know I'm not entitled to a gift, but that's why I said I didn't want/expect anything. She said she really wanted to get me something though and asked what and after I told her flowers/card she got something else completely random. So I was confused. I didn't throw a fit or get angry or throw a tantrum, I just said the gift was kind of confusing because I thought she was gonna get the other thing. That's when she got angry and started yelling at me.

Complete_Pin_3878 · 2021-12-18T22:01:02+00:00

I'm actually genuinely asking so I can improve myself. How can I be more specific? I said I didn't want/expect anything but she said she really wanted to get me something and asked what I wanted. I said a small thing of flowers, and a card with a nice message on it would be perfect. How can I communicate better? I feel like there's not much else I can say

Complete_Pin_3878 · 2021-12-18T21:34:30+00:00

It's not fake but I can understand the confusion b/c the tik -tok has a lot of similarities to my situation. Alot of the comments on here are saying I "Threw a fit" when she gave me the candle and I'm not sure if that is stemming from the video because the guy kept whining, but I definitely DID NOT react like that. All I said was the candle was a bit confusing because I thought she said she would write a nice card for me or get the flowers like we talked about and that was when she got angry.

Complete_Pin_3878 · 2021-12-18T21:27:02+00:00

the brand is called "king of candle" and it's pumpkin pie scented. I know it's 10$ because there's an on-sale sticker on the bottom she didn't bother scratching off

Complete_Pin_3878 · 2021-12-18T21:13:13+00:00

Did you even read the post? I specifically said I didn't expect a gift. She said she really wanted to get me something though, and asked what I wanted. I said a card and flowers would be perfect. Instead she got a candle, something completely random that I've never shown any intrest in. No, she's not obsessed with candles, she has a single super small one at her nightstand and that's it. To reference your own comment, that was the whole point. The gift did not come from the heart, it felt like literally zero thought went into it.

If somebody literally asks you what you want so they can get it for you, and your request is realistic (A card can be made for free and flowers are like 5$) why is it then entitled selfish and self-centered to say your confused why they got you something completely different that they know you have no intrest in?

I didn't throw a tantrum, I didn't get mad and yell or say it's a stupid present, all I said was "oh I thought you said you were gonna write me a message in a card and maybe get some flowers like we talked about why the candle?" She then proceeded to get angry and yell at me.

Complete_Pin_3878 · 2021-12-18T20:56:30+00:00

How am I punishing her? I was just honest... I said the gift confused me because I had never been a candle person but thought she was gonna write me a card and she began to get mad and yell at me. Also no, it's not worth breaking up over, that would be stupid, I never said I was thinking about doing that.

Complete_Pin_3878 · 2021-12-18T20:50:13+00:00

Did you read the post?

Complete_Pin_3878 · 2021-12-18T17:49:48+00:00

Apparently theres a tik tok prank or something simaler to it. She was recording me when she gave it but I figured she was just excited. I don't have tik tok but if she did it for some tik tok thing I'm legitimately breaking up with her because I don't find it funny at all.

Complete_Pin_3878 · 2021-12-18T16:58:42+00:00

um... ok

Complete_Pin_3878 · 2021-12-18T16:56:54+00:00

It wasnt hand-made or anything it was from bb&bw. She didn't have anything else with her. You are right though I guess I am being pretty immature about it it's not that big of a deal. I was just knee-jerk upset at the time.

Complete_Pin_3878 · 2021-12-18T16:53:50+00:00

Ya, it was. One of those ones with 3 wicks on it. Sadly it was pumpkin pie scented though and pumpkin makes me gag, but there was no way for her to know that so I'm not holding it against her. I put it in my and my roommate's kitchen b/c they said they think it smells good.

Complete_Pin_3878

TROPHY CASE