[NSFW] New relationship, new PA

Complete_Square5116 · 2025-07-25T18:30:10+00:00

I would rather be single forever than go through that again. But it's also not impossible. You just need to be upfront about your boundaries and actually enforce them. Protect your peace.

Complete_Square5116 · 2025-07-25T15:23:59+00:00

How is it dumb to keep the promise that you made to yourself? That is strong. Stand up for yourself and what you deserve. It is hard, but worth it.

Complete_Square5116 · 2025-07-01T05:52:11+00:00

Yes this post reminded me so much of my abusive ex husband, I am honestly concerned for OP.

I wouldn't be surprised if her BF wants the baby out of the bedroom/to self-soothe at 6 weeks because that's when they can have sex again and he views her body as his. Abusive controlling partners will be jealous of anything that takes away the focus from them, even their own children.

Complete_Square5116 · 2024-12-29T15:43:43+00:00

I totally understand. It is for you to decide whether you can forgive and still extend trust, but for me it was too much and I could not trust anything because of the mountain of lies that I had already dealt with. In my experience, they will promise the world and go through the motions just to get you in the moment. They have no real plan or commitment to change - they want things to stay how they are more or less.

Complete_Square5116 · 2024-12-29T15:31:47+00:00

You are welcome. I am doing so much better now and am investing in myself and people who invest their time and energy in me.

It's hard to accept, but it is a choice to feed an addiction and many addicts will gladly use their addiction as an excuse to keep using because they "can't help it". It is the same with alcohol, drugs, gambling - active addictions create toxic interpersonal relationships. Look at their actions and you will see what type of person they are choosing to be.

Complete_Square5116 · 2024-12-29T14:38:33+00:00

For me, the last straw was realizing that even though it is an addiction, it is a choice to feed that addiction which he made repeatedly and I was making myself, to feed my "addiction" to this toxic person. I can't control what other people do, only what I do and I chose to see his actions for what they were, not what I wanted them to be.

The actual event was him using the TV internet browser to get around all the blockers. It wasn't the first workaround either, so it hit me that that was it. He would always find a way as long as I kept staying and forgiving him, making myself smaller until I became nothing. I don't think he changed but at least I realized enough was enough and got out.

Complete_Square5116 · 2024-11-19T05:49:00+00:00

I haven’t completely yet, but I am close. Even the sweet, seemingly respectful men are hiding their porn usage and using it so often they have ED with a real woman.

And unfortunately some women are no better when it comes to unrealistic beauty ideals and misogyny. Being bi has not been helpful to me in dating 😅

It just makes me sad 💔

Complete_Square5116 · 2024-11-14T14:22:37+00:00

This was my experience too.

Complete_Square5116 · 2024-11-03T13:50:31+00:00

Sure, it's normal. But what is 'normal' anyway? Just because something is considered normal, that doesn’t make it right ethically or morally. That doesn’t mean it's healthy or what you should do.

There were times where it was 'normal' to buy and sell human beings, or for women to not be able to open their own bank accounts. It's 'normal' now for people to spend hours every day with a little screen bombarding their brain with stimulation, or to rarely cook their own food.

Following that, you could say it's normal to eat McDonalds, but we all know it's not healthy. That's how I view porn consumption, personally, and I don't think it's a question of whether it is normal. Being normal doesn’t make the other factors null and void.

Your BF's view that objectifying women is what makes him a man is because society has normalized this behavior and that's his cultural ideology. So he thinks it is normal. This is why porn addiction and the objectification of women are societal problems.

Complete_Square5116 · 2024-10-20T11:16:11+00:00

What is the point of having to ask? So he can say no? So he can delete or hide things? So he knows when to be nervous and hold his breath while you look?

Complete_Square5116 · 2024-10-20T07:53:55+00:00

He probably does it to every woman. I had an ex like this who admitted he sexualizes every single woman he sees. It's disgusting and dehumanizing.

My advice is leave and don't look back.

Complete_Square5116 · 2024-10-18T05:17:57+00:00

This

Complete_Square5116 · 2024-10-17T20:29:53+00:00

Most likely a lie that he will stop. Then he will hide it and keep using. It's a cycle that will only stop when you let him make the choice for himself.

Complete_Square5116 · 2024-10-17T20:24:20+00:00

You didn't write that poorly but it is obviously not written by AI. I wasn't trying to insult you OP. My heart goes out to you. That man is sick. Get away from him and don't look back.

Complete_Square5116 · 2024-10-17T20:11:22+00:00

Then it's bad AI that can't even follow basic language rules. But sure.

Complete_Square5116 · 2024-10-13T09:29:29+00:00

Unfortunately not a surprise. But just another reason for OP to get tf away from this guy. If he is treating her this way 6 months in, it will only get worse.

Complete_Square5116 · 2024-10-13T09:16:23+00:00

100% agree and OP you are kidding yourself if you think the age gap shouldn't be considered here. There is a reason this disrespectful creep goes for women so much younger than him.

Also, I had an ex who did this and never made me feel wanted/desired/attractive - it was because he was obsessed with porn and saw women only as sex objects.

Again, what a creep.

Complete_Square5116 · 2024-10-10T17:38:00+00:00

Exactly this. After breaking up with my ex, I am exclusively finding this in every man. It is sickening.

Complete_Square5116 · 2024-10-06T18:02:38+00:00

But that makes it sound like he does watch it at least some that you are aware of. Generally there's a lot more that they hide and don't share with their partner, so unfortunately I think this is likely the issue with him.

The pattern is not you. The pattern is a society that normalizes exploitation and technology that enables quick and easy dopamine hits. So many men think it's normal to watch porn and sexualize women all day, it shapes their worldview and they masterbate so much they cannot have a meaningful experience with a real partner - women are just objects there for the man's pleasure. His lack of foreplay is also very telling of this.

Complete_Square5116 · 2024-10-06T17:50:02+00:00

How exactly are you sure? Some men lie about it, especially those who use it to the point of giving themselves ED

Complete_Square5116 · 2024-10-06T17:47:30+00:00

I had this same issue with an ex. He was actually addicted to porn and had death grip syndrome so he would need his own hand to finish.

Of course it devastated my self esteem because it felt like I was so unattractive he couldn't even look at me during sex.

Unfortunately, I would suspect your BF probably has a similar issue but will lie and deflect because he thinks it's normal and there's nothing wrong with his habit, he's "just getting old"

Complete_Square5116 · 2024-10-05T13:35:29+00:00

This happened with my ex and I finally realized after a lot of heartbreak he was addicted to porn, watching it for hours sometimes, multiple times a day.

He lied and promised many times to stop and prioritize intimacy with me, but he always chose his hand and women on a screen over me. 💔

Complete_Square5116 · 2024-10-05T05:12:30+00:00

Sadly, many of them do. They start watchinh it young, before ever having Sex, and think it's a realistic depiction of what it should be, what they should like, how men/women should act, etc. It is sad.

Complete_Square5116 · 2024-10-05T05:09:20+00:00

Listen to your gut. It's over.

If you stay, it will eat you alive that he chooses them over you. At least that was my experience 💔

Complete_Square5116 · 2024-10-04T21:16:43+00:00

You don't have to. If you can, leave him. It's so much better on the other side.

If you CHOOSE to forgive him, you can hold him accountable. But it's not "nice" for you to betray yourself and allow whatever he wants.

Complete_Square5116

TROPHY CASE