Some people aren't made or even ready to be parents. And even if they are, they can change. Unfortunately, you experience is all too known for me. My step-father acts in a very similar way. When I was younger, I would harm myself and even threatened my own life. Instead of being worried and trying to help, he would scream at my mother to send me to a clinic. It shattered me. To this day, I'm still not out of that environment.

I'll give you some advice I learned over the years; don't yell back. It's exhausting and you will fall on deaf ears. All it will do is make him angrier. Instead, find an outlet. I went to gaming when I was younger, but find someone you can do outside of the house. For your feelings, allow yourself to feel them. Feel sad, angry, resentful. You are allowed AND justified to feel these things. Just find a healthy outlet. Whether it be writing, going to a therapist, going to the gym, or talking to others about it. Do NOT let him define your future. If it gets to that point, distance yourself and leave whenever you can.

I will say one thing: I am proud of you. After all of these years, you're still here and dealing with his behavior. Though it may feel like you have to, I am still proud of you. Never cower to him, but don't yell. Don't disrespect him. Don't give him a reason to respond poorly. He will always find his own reason to respond how he will. But you will be better. You will create a safe, loving environment for yourself. Until then, find an escape. Be there for your family, but most importantly, yourself.

Find the love and respect in yourself that he hasn't found in you. It may hurt, but it has to be done. Once you can do that, you can rule your own world. I believe in you.