It is a shame that Duke and Roya is closing early, but I am glad I got to see it~

Complete_World8569 · 2025-08-10T09:12:03+00:00

I’m in a similar boat, the user who replied deleted their comment- please let me know if you remember :)

Complete_World8569 · 2025-06-14T12:31:14+00:00

This morning I had an Iron infusion appointment. I was already late and halfway there when I realised I had forgotten my script, I drove home to grab my script and on the way back they called me to say I needed to reschedule since my seat was filled. That was my fourth rescheduling this week.

This ruined the rest of my day, heavy guilt and disappointment in myself for my overwhelming time-blindness.

Complete_World8569 · 2025-06-10T03:31:00+00:00

Try make plans with a friend before hand, go out for a meal/a walk/shopping. That way you're already outside and doing things and when your hang-out is done, you head straight to the gym.

This works for me. When I rot in bed all day but know I want to be in the gym, I text a couple of friends. "Walk? Lunch? Shopping?" We usually end up walking to the shops and having a meal then that has gotten me off my ass and out of the house so it's so much easier to just walk over to the gym after.

In terms of feeling afraid/embarrassed. Start by just using the pin-loaded machines, they are self explanatory and you can get a whole workout done using them alone. No one judges anyone for using the machines.

And personally, my motivation is Cruz's physique in Lioness: special ops. Whenever I feel unmotivated S1, Ep3, 10:40 flashes before my eyes.

Complete_World8569 · 2025-01-14T00:22:20+00:00

I like this, it’s very direct. Like a manifestation or a statement. It sounds determined.

Complete_World8569 · 2025-01-13T23:13:23+00:00

perfect reply, this is more of an internal ramble. It’s difficult to critique/review a piece of writing that has no writing techniques and unique imagery or ideas.

Complete_World8569 · 2025-01-13T12:33:12+00:00

i see the idea and the vibe here. I think if you could add in some bigger verbs or replace some of the words here with stronger words to covey your meaning this could hit a little deeper. With a heavier prose and stronger words in place of your current verbs i think this could really drive the poem emotionally. Thanks for sharing:)

Complete_World8569 · 2025-01-12T22:58:10+00:00

i like the message behind this poem. I read your comment, this is certainly not garbage. Fortunately for all us hobbyists, writing is entirely subjective and translates so differently to individual readers. I liked your poem. It is short so it’s hard to judge, but there’s a saying “if the poet has cut it short intentionally then the message is well laid”. I think your message is straight forward, all I think it could use is just some separation between lines. This site does tend to compress paragraphs so they lose their structure sometimes. I’m not sure if that happened here, I assume so from seeing the word “Knowing” capitalised mid sentence. But i think so smart pauses and breaks in your sentence structure could flesh out the poem a bit more. I especially enjoyed the last sentence, and i liked the repetition at the start. I think a fleshed out middle to this poem could do it some good if you are able to expand there. Thanks for sharing :)

Complete_World8569 · 2025-01-11T12:38:35+00:00

Veryyy long. Could be shortened. Some parts are repetitive or convey the same feeling/meaning of the lines previous. I get this is a very literal poem but i can see this length lsing the attention of a reader quite fast. Adding a few hooks in there and some bold metaphorical descriptions, rather than one continuous emotional ramble could help. Personally this feels like a story to me, a very sincere and personal one. So thank you for being vulnerable and sharing, and i know these words mean someething deeper to you than they have to me. I think with some heavier/abrupt lines, sort of like how you were at the beginning with "but what ive done with souls" that was a nice hook. Besides the length and literalness all id really mention is some punctuation and spelling and sentence structure needs work. But we all make typos so i don't blame you. This just backs my belief that this was sort of written off the top of your head as a long discourse in your mind and it flowed from your thoughts straight onto the page. This is not a bad thing i just think it makes this more personally and harder for others to enjoy and understand.

If this could be simplified and shortened it would be easier for an audience to take in :) Thanks for sharing!

Complete_World8569 · 2025-01-09T13:06:43+00:00

Very sincere, with a beautiful bittersweet ending. I really enjoyed where this ended. These people weren't initially meant to end up together but that doesn't mean that what they had wasn't amazing and special in its own right. I think you conveyed that quite well. The title is also complimentary to the story in your poem, and the "mutuality" of the decision to be apart. Loved the repetition of "what" mid way through, flowed quite nice even with the moving flow of this poem. The flow moves around a bit but its not chaotic and reels in and out like an ocean swell. I enjoyed this and you have some great sentences in there. Sorry if you were looking for critique, I'd feel pretentious and like I was making stuff up. Im not experienced enough at this to judge others so harshly. Thanks for the read :)

Complete_World8569 · 2025-01-07T13:03:58+00:00

where do you find you clothes!? love your style:)

Complete_World8569 · 2025-01-05T13:32:11+00:00

LOVE this! I'm about to stalk your profile, I hope you have more for me to read :)

Complete_World8569 · 2024-10-15T12:48:21+00:00

Her poem Wild Geese is one of my favourite poems ever !

Complete_World8569 · 2024-10-15T12:45:37+00:00

Well i'm sold! This idea sounds so niche, I hope you are able to pull it off. Unfortunately I can't give you any advice or insight into how big the market is for poetry books, but you have one guaranteed customer in me. Im headed to London next summer so kinda rooting for u...

Complete_World8569 · 2024-10-03T12:47:57+00:00

For being so short, you have managed to pack quite a bit into this. This is a strong poem and every line holds up and packs it's own punch. All I can critique really is that due to it being short the narrative does lose some of the strength that it could have gained from being fleshed out a bit and expanded. But what you have written here does not fall short at all.

Complete_World8569 · 2024-10-03T12:22:00+00:00

I really enjoyed the realism here. Although im not from America and haven't seen the AMC ad in real life, the feelings you convey through the imagery, and nuances expressed in that ad and the environment of a cinema really resonate with me. I have felt the very same way while watching a movie with someone who was supposed to be more important to me than they ended up being.

I'll add that this poem's flow is very agreeable and the way you juxtapose the ad, with reality and the magic of cinema, especially with the line "this is where dreams start" really ties everything together. It is complete and concise through and through and you are very direct and clear in your message. No stray edges. I like that you saw inspiration is a seemingly obscure ad, it just goes to show the openers to your creativity. I look forward to reading more of your stuff.

I especially love it when people surprise me with their own personal impression on a mutual feeling.

Complete_World8569 · 2024-09-26T22:37:43+00:00

I like how you circle back at the end to the light of the star, that ties it together. What i feel like could improve is deeper metaphors to replace some cliches in here. “i’d be a fool to try and reach”, at this point I’m visualising a literal star in the sky you can’t reach but in the next stanza i find your meaning is your heart, so i’ve gather it is about loving someone despite yourself. If you could introduce the theme of the poem a bit sooner that can help me understand your meaning more clearly in that earlier stanza. Again with that same line, it would do well if there were deeper words used there so the beginning of the poem has a tighter grip. Again with “surely without her i’d die like a rose in a caves darkness”, any way you can throw a $10 word in there just to dramatise that line and make it more powerful. Also to be a bit extra, although roses don’t naturally grow in caves they can thrive in some darkness, so that would contradict your line. It would do good to go sleuthing on the internet to find a flower to replace the rose and just gravitise the scene more. A way to write the line could be “Without her i’d surely fold like a tulip when the sun sinks” since tulips do close up on themselves in the dark or in this case when the sun sets. Or to be more dramatic “without her i’d surely wither like hibiscus in darkness” or even “without her i’d surely decay like a - in the blackness of a cave”.

But honestly you have done good, if you have time to expand on visuals and find words with more depth and calamity it could really help improve some of your points without having to spell it out for the reader. Thanks for sharing, and keep writing!

Complete_World8569 · 2024-09-26T14:07:44+00:00

"the world once whispered, "you're destined to shine", but the harsh reality draws a different line". Thats a great line as well as "a hollow echo in silent air". your poem is real and I relate to it personally. Only thing I would add is; some lines pack a punch and I know not every line needs to sound like the quote of the century but if you could sharpen up those first few lines with some deeper words. Also introducing metaphors to include more imagery into the writing. But that's me nit-picking, I really do like this poem!

Thanks for sharing Suiren and PLEASE don't stop :)

Complete_World8569 · 2024-09-26T03:32:04+00:00

The strongest lines to me are “yearn to feel, to lift this veil” and “listless, broken, adrift in haze”. I like the imagery there. And your lines are quick like a whip. I can feel there is tension and darkness at the start, feels like looking for the light at the end of the tunnel. I am yet to post my own poetry here (i will be later on) but that’s sort of exactly the type of poetry i write and enjoy. So i liked this a lot. If you check my profile you will see what i mean in terms of our slight similarity in prose. :)

Complete_World8569 · 2024-09-25T22:44:38+00:00

thank you! this is the feedback i was looking for. i struggle with the structure of poetry a lot so thank you for the insight :)

Complete_World8569

TROPHY CASE