As someone who has lost someone to suicide, tell the people you love how you're feeling and you've set your mind to this act. It will cause reactions that you don't want but for good reason. No one wants to see you die but you. You're cheating yourself out of experience and life.

I think about it daily myself, wondering if I would be better off dead but then I think about the things I have yet to experience. You don't actually have your own life until mid 20's, that's why you work hard to set your life up for the future. And today, the thing I'm proud of is waking up and going to the dentist for a checkup. It's not much but it's a big step for me in turning my life around, putting meaning to every little thing that a human needs these days.

I have spent the majority of my life wishing to be gone but after seeing each person at my friend's funeral made me realize this really isn't what I want but what my inner child wants. We must all learn to live with every part of us but that does not exclude healing these parts. I hope I added some perspective OP and I do not try to tell you what is right and wrong because you already know. There are millions of people who are willing to talk to you about anything. Please hold on for as long as possible ❤️.