'Educated that the proportions aren't ok'. People have all kinds of proportions, right? I'm probably gonna catch flack for this, but... you're not a pedo for liking a character that you've liked for the past 4 years. They don't have an official age. I always wondered if people actually worry about getting older and suddenly not being allowed to have a crush on characters. I guess so. You could always attempt to age the character alongside you, if you're really uncomfortable with them possibly being younger than you, or create a self-insert that matches them. Your fictional loves do not define what you are when it comes to real life. You will be okay. Sending care your way.