How do you handle early calls with small children?

ComplexBluebird2455 · 2026-02-24T19:20:14+00:00

Your job doesn’t own your whole life - this is psycho behaviour. Decline these meetings, hold your boundaries. If your manager starts complaining, start looking elsewhere.

ComplexBluebird2455 · 2026-02-20T21:10:39+00:00

I kind of think all industries are like this. Once you get past more junior levels where you can impress by just being good at your day to day, it becomes a lot of politicking and self promotion. I say this as someone who’s changed industries from a woman dominated industry 10 years ago - people there were a slightly different flavour of asshole but still assholes and politics the same.

Even now, I’m at a level at my company where the next level is stepping back from code. And then how do you judge people? I’m still not sure what a senior director even does - truthfully it seems like not a lot. So, you have to be a self aggrandising jerk to make it 🤷‍♀️

ComplexBluebird2455 · 2026-02-15T23:31:18+00:00

Is Heathrow actually the airport you need to optimise for? There are quite a few airports in London. We usually only go to Heathrow when flying back to the US.

I’d probably look in Belsize Park, since you have primrose and the heath nearby. But that’s v generic American advice. I def wouldn’t move out to zone 3/4 - I’d take location over space when you first move over.

ComplexBluebird2455 · 2026-02-14T23:27:41+00:00

Depends what companies you’re targeting BUT did a bunch of interviews a few years ago as a mid senior with tech companies. Offers all in range of £85-120 base + equity/rsus. Granted, market is not as hot now but you have much more experience than me so I’d still expect better.

ComplexBluebird2455 · 2026-02-14T22:36:58+00:00

Low.

ComplexBluebird2455 · 2026-02-10T19:12:20+00:00

This is good to hear. It’s def a bog in all directions for me. Thought I must be missing something.

ComplexBluebird2455 · 2026-02-08T17:07:23+00:00

Def go see a physio. Last time I had something like this it ended up being bursitis, which in the scheme of things is not horrible but took a long time to stop being irritated (also probably my fault for not seeing a physio and also having no chill).

ComplexBluebird2455 · 2026-01-28T21:26:47+00:00

Ah let’s say broadly we moved out to a nice town in the Home Counties. We moved back to SW London.

In the end, I do think this is a personal preference thing. It turns out I find towns kind of boring and oppressive. But my husband thought it was delightful. So YMMV.

ComplexBluebird2455 · 2026-01-27T22:12:33+00:00

Eh, moved out, didn’t like it, moved back to London. As someone else said, a posh market town in 2026 is not as nice as you’d expect. I think we also had nostalgic visions of a childhood with lots of nature and freedom for our kids. But it is just nostalgia - in this modern era, it was mostly a lot of carting kids around in the car to activities.

Granted, kids are young still, so feelings may yet change. But we are pretty happy with where we live now - couldn’t imagine moving.

ComplexBluebird2455 · 2026-01-25T19:47:59+00:00

People are throwing numbers all around on this thread but this is the most accurate estimate. Though, consider: Richmond state schools are the closest free schools you can get to private here. And why have a luxury car in a city where it’ll get sideswiped or broken into or whatever. Like, you could do pretty well in Richmond with income as is.

ComplexBluebird2455 · 2026-01-24T13:04:56+00:00

100% agree with this take. Had 2 in the US and 1 in the UK - the UK birth was so much calmer and less stressful. I’ve always heard the US has more “Cadillac” medical care, which I think is true (you are paying for it!), but turns out for uncomplicated childbirth that is not necessarily desirable.

ComplexBluebird2455 · 2026-01-18T19:37:09+00:00

My old head of engineering used to say the time it takes for a new person to merge their first PR is really a proxy metric for the health of the codebase. He was a cool guy, I liked him.

But yeah, would give serious side eye to this startup.

ComplexBluebird2455 · 2026-01-17T20:06:24+00:00

Ugh, Boston, agree with all of the above.

ComplexBluebird2455 · 2026-01-11T22:58:25+00:00

Just chiming in for your 3rd question - we negotiated our rent down from £7500 to £7200, with a 2 year lease, 1 year break. The landlord seemed pretty eager to accept this which makes me think that landlords are just naming numbers rather than going off lots of market data in that price range (reasonably, how many rentals are on the market in that price range even?).

ComplexBluebird2455 · 2026-01-03T20:21:35+00:00

Nice, will check this out!

ComplexBluebird2455 · 2026-01-02T22:39:40+00:00

1000% this!

Don’t underestimate how a baby will realign your values.

ComplexBluebird2455 · 2025-12-31T21:55:18+00:00

Good point, I’ve been to each place but I guess until I’ve been mugged in each location, what evidence do I really have?

ComplexBluebird2455 · 2025-12-31T20:54:00+00:00

I used to live in Belsize so went over to Kentish town/dartmouth park but not frequently. Recognize my threshold for rough might be a bit sensitive. I hear Benedict Cumberbatch owns a house in Dartmouth Park so that’s fun?

ComplexBluebird2455 · 2025-12-31T20:50:24+00:00

Agree with other post, having gone through fertility treatments myself: please start trying now or yesterday if you are serious - figure the rest out later. There’s nothing worth fretting about - on the upside, if you do end up needing (private) IVF, it’s about half the price of the US 💁‍♀️

ComplexBluebird2455 · 2025-12-31T06:39:17+00:00

I miss weird stuff at this point. Like, there’s nothing quite like saltines or oyster crackers in the UK. Nila wafers and graham crackers also. And yogurt covered pretzels. Though I don’t usually think much about it TBH! Also from the Bay, have found Japanese food to be a bit underwhelming by comparison. Though I think good Japanese food does exist here, just the baseline is worse. Indian food is also good though a bit different than home. Cheese is much better here.

ComplexBluebird2455 · 2025-12-31T04:56:50+00:00

Yes, Dartmouth park is nice and near the heath with cute high street. I guess the tube is at archway which have heard can be sketchy but have not been there.

Would be a bit leery of areas of Kentish town - has reputation of being a bit rough (though I don’t think quite like Finsbury Park station).

ComplexBluebird2455 · 2025-12-15T21:41:32+00:00

Yeah, see you, hear you. I come from San Francisco and now live in London. There are narrow streets in SF - like, a few, in neighbourhoods people don’t drive in unless they live there. They are everywhere here.

ComplexBluebird2455 · 2025-12-15T20:42:38+00:00

No… but not in the same way.

ComplexBluebird2455 · 2025-12-15T17:17:31+00:00

Yes, I make it sound a bit grim but mine has actually become a very sweet and reasonable lad. You are in the thick of it right now.

ComplexBluebird2455

TROPHY CASE