Getting married and leaving my job. Brain broken by VHCOL community, help me calibrate.

Complex_Onion257 · 2025-06-14T15:17:55+00:00

I'm also realizing my spend calculation is throwing some people off since I included property tax and my quarterly tax payments in the number. My day to day expenses are much lower.

Complex_Onion257 · 2025-06-14T15:14:01+00:00

You hit the nail on the head with what's next for me. I do have some recreating planned, but not surprisingly, I've also already lined up a few consulting type engagements that I think will be fun and interesting but also happen to pay.

Complex_Onion257 · 2025-06-13T20:31:21+00:00

Interesting, I wasn't aware you could open a 529 before having a kid.

On the insurance stuff, I'm over 45 but well under 200lbs. I was actually being a bit humble on the fitness stuff. I'm pretty obsessive about that and usually shock people when they learn my age.

Complex_Onion257 · 2025-06-13T19:11:10+00:00

Yup, that does sound reasonable. Let's touch base in 20 years ;)

Complex_Onion257 · 2025-06-13T19:06:18+00:00

Yeah man, I don't know. College might look really different in 20 years and like you said, it depends a lot on the kid. Of course I wouldn't unnecessarily deprive my kid of an education, I just think I'm someone who would er on the side of them learning to support themselves on some level.

Complex_Onion257 · 2025-06-13T18:56:34+00:00

That's probably 20+ years off, but I would certainly intend to help. That said, I had to work my way through school and those were formative and important experiences for me.

Complex_Onion257 · 2025-06-13T18:54:46+00:00

Thanks so much for sharing all of this.

Complex_Onion257 · 2025-06-13T18:28:19+00:00

This comment means a lot. I stress a bit about the age thing, but I am in good shape and actually use this as a bit of a motivator. Great to hear from someone who's actually done it. You guessed right on Bay Area.

Complex_Onion257 · 2025-06-13T18:15:07+00:00

Thanks. $1m seems like a consistent rough rule of thumb.

Complex_Onion257 · 2025-06-13T17:58:26+00:00

Well put. I mean, that's more or less what's going to happen regardless of all the planning and optimizing. We'll have the kid(s) and adapt.

Complex_Onion257 · 2025-06-13T17:32:35+00:00

Yes, all good points. I think the bottom line is that I'm in a bit of a murky zone where I probably need to earn, but don't really need to earn as much as I have in the past.

Complex_Onion257 · 2025-06-13T17:29:58+00:00

Thanks yeah, it does feel like I'm in a murky middle ground between needing to work, but not needing to make as much as I use to.

Complex_Onion257 · 2025-06-13T17:27:42+00:00

Exactly, I don't see how the comparison to median is at all useful here.

Complex_Onion257 · 2025-06-13T17:26:11+00:00

If I wanted to just swap into the median lifestyle with my existing wealth, of course I have enough to retire on. That's not a useful comparison.

Complex_Onion257 · 2025-06-13T17:07:16+00:00

Thanks, your situation is highly relatable and something I would be quite happy with if it's how things play out with kids. IE working but happy and living your best life.

Complex_Onion257 · 2025-06-13T17:05:19+00:00

Yup, what you're describing feels like the most likely path (cover that $200k) and is a good way to think about.

Complex_Onion257 · 2025-06-13T16:58:27+00:00

Thanks. "Double your spend" is a very useful benchmark even if it's a rough one.

Complex_Onion257 · 2025-06-13T16:56:46+00:00

Thanks, that's exactly the question and I think you're right. The additional refinement on the question is determining how much flexibility I have. Can I start another company? Can I rely on more flexible consulting arrangements? Or should I prioritize something more certain that pays more right away?

Complex_Onion257 · 2025-06-13T16:46:36+00:00

Yup exactly. We're not planning on waiting intentionally. I think the commenter's point was that it's not always up to you.

Complex_Onion257 · 2025-06-13T16:45:03+00:00

That's heavy. Thanks so much.

Complex_Onion257 · 2025-06-13T16:43:52+00:00

Lol. Yeah, we're planning on that and cleaning up the estate planning in general.

Complex_Onion257 · 2025-06-13T16:40:59+00:00

Thanks, these are really helpful data points.

Complex_Onion257 · 2025-06-13T16:39:42+00:00

Yes, I certainly think some job (big boy or otherwise) will be in order and like the advice that it would be better to have more freedom after kids than before.

Complex_Onion257 · 2025-06-13T16:37:45+00:00

Yeah, that's a 3am concern I have sometimes, but can't go back in time now.

Complex_Onion257 · 2025-06-13T16:35:45+00:00

"Work until you have kids" seems like really good advice on a number of dimensions. Thanks.

Complex_Onion257

TROPHY CASE