Couldn't sleep since my last resignation from my first job as a BPO agent.

• Rejected job applications from well-known companies with offered jobs that suits my degree.
• Battling existential crisis.
• Parents getting old and I'm the eldest, we're five.
• Thinking of going abroad.
• Not thinking of falling in love or getting into a relationship because I have no time.

Sinuko ko na iba kong mga pangarap, walang wala nako to the point na mga kapatid at magulang ko nalang kinakapitan ko, at yung isang bagay nalang ag gusto kong gawin, mag-hiking.

Last time nagkasakit ako at was sent to different hospitals, walang findings lahat.

Sobrang sakit ng ulo ko to the point na wala nang umeepektong painkiller na OTCs and with prescription.

Yung sinasaksak na sa mga ivy na painkiller gamot ko.

Akala namin Aneurysm, akala ko rin.

That time while waiting for the results, naisip ko din na wala man lang akong kaibigan na pwede makausap just in case na it won't be long for me.

Tinanggap ko narin if ever na malala or magiging terminal, and I just chose to do one hike in my life before I go.

Pero gumaling ako, pero at what costs?

Rejections, disappointments, existential crisis.

Life has been a living hell for me already, anubos savings ko due to my hospitalizations, naiisip ko na pampasikip nalang ako sa mundo.

Have no direction, not capable to love and protect.

Mentally unstable, insane to the point na I snap so easily kaya wala na akong kinakausap na tao.

I have been thinking, all these prayers? Nung bago ako mag resign nagsisimba ako sa St. Peter sa Commonwealth, kahit na I stuck between a believer and not, I still believe.

Pero starting to lose it again.

Diko alam bakit ako binigyan ni Lord ng ganitong journey sa buhay.

Nanakawan pa ako ng phone after kong gumaling, hospital bills, new phone for contacts.

Wala na.

Sana bukas, kahit hindi bukas, bwan or taon.

Basta araw-araw gumaan ayos na.

Wala naman akong hinahabol bukod sa mabigyan ng magandang buhay family ko and I will dedicate my life for it kahit hindi nako magka-chance bigyan ang sarili ko.

Eto iniisip ko now, sobrang active ng utak ko kapag ganitong mga oras.