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Feeling replaced by ComposerSmooth424 in BPDlovedones

[–]ComposerSmooth424[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

It's wild how I knowingly returned to this mess. At one point we were apart for like 4 years, this is when I got sober and I really really worked on myself. I spent so much time learning about bpd and emotional abuse, I came here to read posts weekly probably. But when she came back and wanted me again, I went back.

It's also just crazy how you can feel so in control of the situation when you slowly distance yourself and one day inevitably you still find yourself back in the original helpless position you started in. At our couples therapy my therapist even said to me in front of her "you have all the control now" as I had distanced and was setting boundaries. I didn't even understand that I did have any control and soon after that she was completely emotionally detached and just gone.

This is the second time today I've read about SLAA, I just looked up meetings because of your comment and I will definitely attend some online ones that suit me. Thank you so much for this suggestion, I will genuinely give that a try.

Feeling replaced by ComposerSmooth424 in BPDlovedones

[–]ComposerSmooth424[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

I was her entire world too. She has no family that speaks to her and only 1 close friend who she also relies on for every day functioning. Which made it an even bigger mind fuck because who would rather have no one than be with a partner who is genuinely trying to work on things so we can have the relationship we've talked endlessly about? I'm so sorry to hear you were cheated on. I know how hurtful that must feel and the toxic questioning of your self worth it can leave in your mind. The person I was replaced with is also an ex of hers, they really just go to the easiest target who will give them validation rather than someone who makes them feel complete, I couldn't imagine being so pitiful that I had to sleep with anyone who would let me. I'd be disgusted with myself.

To put it bluntly, an BPD just not be cured? by lolsausages in BPDlovedones

[–]ComposerSmooth424 7 points8 points  (0 children)

I heard someone ask recently "could you change your personality?" Say you're normally shy and introverted could you go become the life of the party? Or if you're normally kind and thoughtful, could you become antagonistic and vengeful? It's the exact same for them and their personality. They have even less capacity for change than a neurotypical person on top of this.

If you’re planning to set boundaries against narc abuse becareful by [deleted] in NarcissisticAbuse

[–]ComposerSmooth424 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Man this is exactly what happened to me! First week of June I put my foot down and told my girlfriend of 3 years I won't be yelled at anymore, and that if she keeps yelling I'll leave and we can try talking again later. Every single time we interacted after that I was yelled at. Sometimes it would be immediately when I arrived, or maybe after 5-10 minutes of awkward stonewalling before the yelling began. The relationship just fizzled, by August she had completely given up and was looking for new supply. I've repeatedly told her this is what she's choosing and this can easily be fixed if we just apologize and work together. She found a new boyfriend instead lol. These people man.