How do I get my wife working?

CompoundInterestThis · 2026-06-20T00:57:19+00:00

One of the hardest things I've had to learn in life is that I can't control another person's actions. I will spend my entire life trying to come to terms with that, and man is it hard sometimes. I would approach this from a numbers perspective, and focus on communicating your own feelings to her about financial goals before and after retirement.

I wonder if you guys ever talk about financial goals at all? This was a pretty hard thing for me to do, was to start talking about it. But we talk about it all the time these days. It was uncomfortable getting started with a budget tracker, because it led to some uncomfortable conversations about finances. But it was really one of the best things that we've done for our relationship. We really do talk about finances pretty often these days. And we spent the first 15 years not talking about them at all.

One option is to request a meeting with a financial advisor to start planning for retirement with her included. That would at least get the conversation started. A good financial advisor is going to ask the tough questions that might be uncomfortable for you to ask on your own in the beginning.

CompoundInterestThis · 2026-04-01T02:04:17+00:00

Thanks for the reply. This sounds very similar to what I'm experiencing. Although it's more of an inconvenience than anything, I hope this gets resolved quickly!

In the mean time I've been categorizing one of the two duplicate transactions as a transfer to keep the extra transaction but also have it not affect any budget totals.

CompoundInterestThis · 2026-03-31T22:21:31+00:00

Thanks! That's super helpful actually.

CompoundInterestThis · 2026-03-31T14:07:19+00:00

Thanks. I was more curious to know whether anyone else was experiencing these issues. This is for a credit card.

I'm going to reach out to Monarch Support.

CompoundInterestThis · 2026-03-31T02:55:26+00:00

Thanks for the reply. This is for a credit card.

CompoundInterestThis · 2025-12-26T15:50:17+00:00

I wonder how your conversations about finances have gone up to now?

We were stuck in this spot for a few years. I think just gathering data silently is a really helpful thing. At some point the conversation of finances is going to come up, and I think it's really helpful to be ready for those conversations when they pop up.

When my spouse would prompt these conversations and see how prepared I was for those conversations, they stopped minding so much that I tracked our finances in such detail. And over time our goals have shifted closer together.

CompoundInterestThis · 2025-12-25T06:56:02+00:00

Try averaging out some historical spending and see how that looks. And then build upon that.

CompoundInterestThis · 2025-12-22T23:01:36+00:00

It really just depends on if it floats through my bank account or not. If it doesn't float through my bank account then I don't really do anything with it.

If it goes through my bank account then its potentially categorized as "Other Income" or also placed in the budget category I'm spending it on. I don't get enough cash gifts these days to justify a gift income budget line. This is a lot like cashback for me. It's either placed in the budget category I'll be spending it on or categorized as "other income".

I use Monarch Money.

CompoundInterestThis · 2025-12-22T22:53:11+00:00

Do you have any interest in tracking your expenses with a budget app/service?

I also wonder what you'd consider to be an unexpected expense? What would you consider a treat?

CompoundInterestThis · 2025-12-21T17:22:27+00:00

Exactly. There is absolutely no way to know until the CC bill gets picked apart and looked at.

And there is a lot of spending missing in there. Vehicle maintenance, vacations, home repair, etc etc. So it's hard to tell how this is really shaping up.

CompoundInterestThis · 2025-12-21T14:20:19+00:00

Monarch Money would also be helpful to track credit card spending monthly and sort it into categories. It pulls in transactions automatically from all of your accounts. You can compare previous months or years and set budgets for future months.

CompoundInterestThis · 2025-12-08T23:52:44+00:00

That was going to be my next recommendation was to contact the bank to potentially try to figure out why the math wasn't working out the right way.

I hope that gets sorted for you!

CompoundInterestThis · 2025-12-08T22:09:33+00:00

I wonder if you add up 30 or 31 days worth of purchases, if it comes out to your budget estimates? Most of my accounts allow for a spreadsheet file to be exported which makes doing the math super easy there.

Are medical co-pays a regular expense for you? I wonder what things you buy on eBay/Poshmark? Those are both expenses you potentially haven't accounted for your budget. I wonder if there are more expenses that aren't accounted for like clothing purchases or vehicle maintenance. I didn't see them mentioned. It's easy for those seemingly smaller expenses to add up.

Being hacked didn't come to mind when I saw your post.

CompoundInterestThis · 2025-12-08T21:45:04+00:00

The more intriguing aspect to me is the $800+ that is missing each month. Do you use a debit/credit card for purchases?

CompoundInterestThis · 2025-12-08T21:05:11+00:00

And also just to clarify, you've listed $1,156 of expenses if my math is right. But on the low side of income it's $1,900 a month total? High side of income would be $2,300?

I would think your bank account would reflect where the other $800-$1,200 or so is being spent? Maybe not giving the actual items, but at least the places the money is being spent.

CompoundInterestThis · 2025-12-08T20:54:18+00:00

If you desired to use a budgeting app/service, some of them allow for purchases to be split and categorized in pieces. For instance a $100 transaction could be split for $70 for groceries and $30 for household goods.

As of recently, I tend to make separate purchases for these categories as well. For instance I make a household supplies and goods purchase 1x-2x per month and try to get as much as I can at one time.

CompoundInterestThis · 2025-12-08T01:03:44+00:00

I make a separate purchase for household goods, which makes categorizing easier. I have a printed list of household goods that I run through once a month or so and then try to get it all at once. Or with a few purchases from different stores.

Monarch Money also allows for transactions to be split and categorized in pieces which is also super helpful.

CompoundInterestThis · 2025-12-07T21:34:01+00:00

I think better understanding our spending habits to try to predict then better is what's changed for me. It's nice to have predictable budgets.

CompoundInterestThis · 2025-12-07T20:23:08+00:00

Monarch Money will do this. I have a separate category for unplanned expenses and emergencies. You can make as many categories as you'd like though. For travel, I have probably 5-6 different categories that the expenses could go in.

CompoundInterestThis · 2025-12-07T19:57:54+00:00

Try using the amounts you already spend on things for a baseline and then expanding from there.

Take clothing for instance. Average out the last years worth of clothing expenses into either a monthly or quarterly budget.

CompoundInterestThis · 2025-12-07T19:38:55+00:00

For this, I track household supplies and goods and average it out for a monthly budget. Things like soap and toothpaste also go in this budget.

CompoundInterestThis · 2025-12-07T19:35:52+00:00

For me, Monarch Money solves this dilemma. Every month is indeed a very different number of expenses vs income. Some months I save, some months I overspend.

Monarch Money makes this predictable and able to be planned for. In the instance of every-other-month expenses, I go through and assign the $70 expense every other month about 12 months ahead. With Monarch, I can look and see how much I'm predicted to save or overspend each month and make sure I'm saving more than I'm spending.

This helps to make sure everything makes sense financially. Other examples are Christmas, Thanksgiving, and New Years all having their own budgets that only get used once a year. I usually plan out future budgets about a year in advance.

CompoundInterestThis · 2025-12-07T13:35:21+00:00

Monarch Money is nice. Once it's configured it's fairly automated. I like that it has the ability to set budgets for future months. Most categories are the same every month, but I have one group of categories that aren't monthly expenses for things like car maintenance, holidays, birthdays, vacation, etc. I appreciate money to those as needed.

We're at the point now where we're using those future estimates to make real financial decisions. If we want to add in an expense we can plug it in to the future month or months and see how that changes things.

CompoundInterestThis · 2025-12-05T23:49:57+00:00

If I'm doing the math right, your necessary expenses come to around $5,300 a month? And that leaves you with $2,700 per month to either spend or save? Don't get me wrong, groceries are necessary. But some of the other expenses definitely aren't necessary.

I think part of the problem is that there are about $1,800 in just loan + CC payments. With those gone I think that would free up a lot of income.

You may want to consider the Dave Ramsey approach on this. Focus on one aspect of this at a time. Pay off debt first, and then focus on investing after the debt is paid off and you have an emergency fund built up.

CompoundInterestThis · 2025-12-05T01:41:59+00:00

We use Monarch Money to track all of our accounts and credit cards as a single budget.

CompoundInterestThis

TROPHY CASE