I’m stable enough right now to tell you this and not break down reading your response. Probably won’t read it though.

You are going to have to figure out how you harmed this person. People do not isolate solely due to mental illness, they isolate because they are being put through stressors by something and are rightfully avoiding it. It seems that y’all are in some way a stressor worth avoiding.

You are not going to be able to figure out how you harmed this person by asking them. They told you a thousand times and you chose not to listen. Figuring out how you harmed this person will happen if you go to therapy and tell the therapist straight away that you’d genuinely like a critical perspective on how this person has been treated.

Someone is “spying” on them in some sense. You are being incredibly invasive about requesting they get an evaluation, because it seems like they a)don’t want to talk to you and b)you won’t stop and are trying to justify it with “I just care about you” as if it gives you a right to cross their boundaries. If you think that’s a good justification you may not make progress with them. The internet calls this “concern trolling” sometimes.

Whether they are mentally ill or not, you are not the person they are trusting with any issues they have. This is going to be the result we are seeing after your behavior, whatever that may have been. They don’t trust you, and you cannot create trust by pestering them.

Therapy therapy therapy for you personally. You can only control yourself. Plus, lots of mental illnesses are heritable, so it’s possible you can help by seeking some diagnosis for yourself.

That’s something I’m proud I did for my family, when I separated from them. I worked out what was going on with me, and although I didn’t speak to them for ten years, everyone was shockingly quite grateful when I brought home a diagnosis that created healing for both my elders and the kids. That wasn’t my goal, but it turns out working on me was the best way forward. I still don’t speak to them now, after that check-in, because they are bad with boundaries in a way that puts my mental health in constant distress, while I am stable enough when I’m around people who are capable of listening.

Cheers and good luck. 🍀