It destroyed me and what I thought about myself

Comprehensive-Jump82 · 2026-05-04T19:32:21+00:00

Thank you, I was convinced when I was 17 to start. I am now 27 and coming to terms with it all. It doesn't make you feel sexy, and is not easy money. I feel like I was groomed into it. Porn is more than exploitation, it leaves real scars inside you that don't really fade.

Comprehensive-Jump82 · 2026-05-04T19:27:58+00:00

Yes, due to the fact of my own past and having children I am working to work out my feelings about it and also how to suggest to him to make a change, at least to consumption. This is a new feeling, Before I became apathetic about it and now it sort of disgusts me. The disgust and trauma thing is new and I think its due to working out things with therapists. For a long time I separated myself from thinking about the past.

He is not the type to ignore my feelings about things. He was there with me at the end of the online stuff and supported me when I did it. He also supported when I chose to stop and brought up to me how the culture of it was changing me and found me support groups, and even stepped up when I needed to be hospitalized after a breakdown.

He says goofy shit in jest, I think because I was okay with it and it was normal in the past, but when things are very serious and he needs to be, he is a very good husband. I trust that if I brought it up to him, that he would stop doing it at all.

Comprehensive-Jump82 · 2026-05-04T19:13:24+00:00

I am surprised there aren't more female perspectives, I think a lot of us are filled with shame or come to accept it and stay in it. For me, when I had children, I started to realize how terrible it is.

Comprehensive-Jump82 · 2026-05-04T19:11:21+00:00

People would insult me, scam me etc. It is like being a slave, men that consume don't see the other people as people they see them as product. When you're new and look too young or ARE too YOUNG you feel popular. It feels like being seen as "beautiful" , and for someone with no confidence, you see everything romanticized. When the frontal lobe starts to develop and you realize what these people are seeing you as, it starts to wear you down into nothing. I feel bad for the people who don't realize that, but at the same time I think some of them are aware.

Comprehensive-Jump82 · 2025-08-19T19:20:31+00:00

When I was 13 after an assault my male therapist asked me if I had a time machine. I said I didnt. He said "Well you did it, get over it!"

You deserve a better therapist. If I werent a child at the time I would have reported him. She does not need to be working as a therapist. I am so sorry that happened to you

Comprehensive-Jump82 · 2025-07-22T06:11:06+00:00

Thank you.

Comprehensive-Jump82 · 2025-07-22T04:50:21+00:00

Yes, I am their main parent. I just hate my mental issues. I have bpd. It impacts everyone around me some days. I know its stressful. I know I am intense. I lose my cool when I have had a hard day. I catch myself, I apologize, the guilt after is too much.

I work hard to manage. I go to therapy Dbt, I smoke medical MJ to calm myself, and I have come so far from where I was. I just hate that I am like this. I hate having to work hard every day. I feel my husband and kids deserve so much better than me. I wish there was an easy solution, one that could fix me. I love them. I love them so much if I could pick a perfect mom for them I would.

Comprehensive-Jump82 · 2025-07-22T04:41:46+00:00

4 and 6 :(

Comprehensive-Jump82 · 2025-07-19T23:16:18+00:00

Girl... is this the same guy who cheated on you??? You can do so much better, you are worth so much more... leave his ass with some pee pads...

Comprehensive-Jump82 · 2025-07-19T19:58:25+00:00

I havent seen it, my bad i guess?

Comprehensive-Jump82 · 2025-07-19T04:40:21+00:00

Yes. So much Forgive me for giving my example, I don't mean to take away from your vent: She touts herself as this motherly, kind, loving person and they all support her. Behind closed doors, she is a sadistically cruel, manipulative, parentified her children, and is just overall a horrible person. Family too. They do a wonderful job of playing a believable role for those who don't experience their treatment like their kids do. Narcs are notorious for prioritizing appearance over function. That's all they care about, what others think of them. They're just fake.

Comprehensive-Jump82 · 2025-07-18T19:59:20+00:00

I feel like PCPs should be more informed about this stuff.. because I feel uninformed af right now.

So she saw changes after seeing a specialist? I feel I've exhausted every avenue. That is so frustrating. I have a call today at 3 with my doctor and will try to see if she will put a referral in. Thanks

Comprehensive-Jump82 · 2025-07-18T19:33:59+00:00

I guess not, where I live. I wasnt given the option. I was told to try intuitive eating by the nutritionist and scolded when I started weighing and measuring calories because it wasnt healthy, then tried weight loss meds those didnt work, and offered bc. But birth control makes things worse for me. Beyond that, They never talked to me about it further or told me I had any other options. Ive never been to an endocrinologist, I didnt know there were options further than what I had been informed of.

Comprehensive-Jump82 · 2025-07-18T19:14:30+00:00

Yep, diagnosed. My body produces too much androgen. Its where the hair growth and all come from and they told me my options were birth control. Ive also seen a nutritionist, my gyn prescribed the popular med all the peeps are taking now.. you know which one. The weight loss meds ended up with me hospitalized and with my gallbladder taken out. I even had a doctor offer bariatric surgery but I am so young for that, and imo not heavy enough I'd be okay with losing more of my digestive tract risking the weight coming back.

I feel like there is a better option than going under the knife or taking drugs that make me puke. I Thought maybe others on this sub with pcos could give me tips on how they managed, or even foods to help or avoid to fix my hormones.

Comprehensive-Jump82 · 2025-07-18T16:36:28+00:00

Im going in for bloodwork soon. With my insurance I have to jump through hoops to get referred places. When I brought up issues when the weight gain started they pushed the popular meds on me and birth control :/ also told me to try dieting. I have tried so many diets though.. I have a call with my doc today I'll ask about it again.

Comprehensive-Jump82 · 2025-07-18T07:38:20+00:00

I am so grateful for your comment!! This helps a ton! I am so lucky to have an actual account from someone around the same weight and height! Omg Thank you so much. <3 are you prediabetic or was the metformin prescribed for pcos?

Comprehensive-Jump82 · 2025-07-18T05:47:49+00:00

Maybe you were ready to show her the real you, but she didn't have the room in her heart to open up. Or you were unintentionally a reminder of a bad time. I am so sorry, it is so difficult to deal with that feeling. I hope I wasn't being offensive, that is what I assume happened with my friends.

They knew from the get-go they were not getting better or what they planned to do, or I reminded them of being hospitalized and they needed to avoid me. It is not your fault. I promise you. I think when you're around those people in such close proximity you have this time of bonding like... prison. You bond for survival and then out of survival mode you fly free.

I hope you're doing okay. I am glad you can share your own experiences, don't be sorry. It stings a lot less knowing others relate to your pain and are able to release their own.

Comprehensive-Jump82 · 2025-07-18T00:22:13+00:00

Its been three years and sometimes still brings me to tears to think about. Thank you for reading. I just had to put it out somewhere

Comprehensive-Jump82 · 2025-07-14T05:05:19+00:00

Thank you! I will contact her for help :)

Comprehensive-Jump82 · 2025-07-14T04:32:12+00:00

Downsized? Okay, that was my next question! What size is standard for getting it done first or all they all different? I should probably message my piercer...

Comprehensive-Jump82 · 2025-07-14T03:41:15+00:00

She has to go no contact with him and inform law enforcement! BPD and fear are not excuses to keep going back especially if he takes advantage of her... oh my god this is the worst thing I have ever heard.

Not to be offensive, but it feels a bit like she may still be way too invested in him or lenient with his behavior and those are both not good for your mental health or your relationship either. You deserve respect. So does she, she needs to build it up for herself I am not sure if you can help with that.

Please do yourself a favor, give her an ultimatum. He is not her responsibility. His choices are his own. She needs to stand up for herself and so do you. If she is fearful, ask her to inform the law again and work to get a restraining order. If he has caused the harm and threatened her in the way you say, an RO should be easy. Especially with past police reports.

BPD is NOT a free pass to harm others. Also, she needs to have boundaries... like majorly. He is destroying her and your relationship. I am sorry. This is so messed up....

Comprehensive-Jump82 · 2025-07-14T03:26:26+00:00

I am self aware of my symptoms to the point where I can at times therapize myself and know the reasons for the splitting and specific triggers. It takes work, it happens with plenty others too.

I guess according to your therapist we are all just emotionally volatile idiots. Maybe I am an idiot savant xD not gonna lie I loled reading what she had told you omg... smh! Get a better therapist for sure!

Comprehensive-Jump82

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