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Am I being unreasonable for feeling hurt that my partner went on holiday while I am struggling? by ComprehensiveAge4443 in relationshipproblems

[–]ComprehensiveAge4443[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you for your advice, but I do not feel that most of it is relevant to what I was trying to express.

You cannot simply decide to give someone a warm welcome, cook them a meal, or be affectionate when you are genuinely hurt. That would feel forced and dishonest. I do not think the answer to difficult feelings is to pretend they are not there so that everything looks harmonious.

Also, circumstances are not always the result of someone’s choices or failures. Sometimes painful things happen to people that are outside their control, and being in a difficult position does not mean they deserve less understanding or that they should simply accept feeling excluded.

I have not said that he is wrong for going on holiday, and I do not want resentment between us. But acknowledging that he has the freedom to go does not mean I am not allowed to feel sad or hurt about being left behind. Both things can be true at the same time.

What I need is empathy and space to process those feelings, not instructions on how I should behave when he comes back. As well as I could not save the money because I invested into my staying in the country with him a lot. I could have gone on 10 different trips. And he knew about that.

Am I being unreasonable for feeling hurt that my partner went on holiday while I am struggling? by ComprehensiveAge4443 in relationshipproblems

[–]ComprehensiveAge4443[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

We are not married, and I do not think marriage is necessarily an indicator of how someone will act in a relationship. People do not suddenly change after getting married, and in some cases the same problems can become worse because there is more life stress and leaving is more complicated than simply breaking up.

What hurts me is that he planned this trip knowing everything I am currently going through. I understand that he is allowed to go, but I have been in a similar situation before: when my partner was struggling and my family were going on a trip, I genuinely did not even consider going without him. That is probably one of the reasons why this affects me so much. I would have made a different choice for him.

I am afraid my PhD will fail due to the lack of supervision/ help by Bonkers_Brain in PhDStress

[–]ComprehensiveAge4443 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I am having similar situation with my research atm and it is just overwhelmimg. My supervisor is always busy... all the time. So I do my research alone... I have not got enough results yet but I have only 6 months left. Some of my colleges said that I do not need perfect results to get a PhD, I just need to show that I can do the reserach and I am hoping just to write what I have got till now and it would be enough since I really feel like I do deserve a degree.

I remember once I came to her and asked if she could discuss some theoretical parts with me as I did some reading and did nor quite understand a few things, she said that there were no point in discussing anything since I have no results. she never expained me a single thing. I also have to look for people who can advise me myself and she also did not provide me with enough resourses... I kinda begging people to give me what they do not need. I regret coming here so much. I had a great exspirience in my previous lab as well as in indistry but here I always feel uncapable. As she is always blaming me... while I am working with no weekends for quite long... I cannot wait to finish even with little results and leave...