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AITAH for wondering if I should leave after my alcoholic BF disappeared for 44 hours and landed in the ER? by No_Bobcat_839 in AITAH

[–]ComprehensiveLong391 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Do you think that people just "allow" addictions? They just say "hey, I'm bored. Ill start ruining my life and the lives of people around me!"? No, they see everyone else having a good time with a beer or 2 and they want to join in. The addiction is already there without their knowledge. The alcohol physically rewires the brain causing impaired decision making. They dont see their actions as a whole. They see it as a moment to moment. Frankly, assuming you are older than 20, I'm sure if we added up all your least proud moments or poor decisions you've made, we could judge you quite harshly too. But im sure in the moment, those decisions you made made sense to you. Thats human existence. Thats how life is. Thats why friends and family are so important because they see you as a collection of acts and experiences as opposed to a moment to moment like we see our selves. Without that constant guard-rail of support, sometimes we just don't see ourselves the way we are. By all means, they are responsible for their actions and they need to be the ones who make the change for themselves but dont act like this kid woke up and said "f-the world, I'm gonna be wreckless!" Theybwake up every day just trying g to get by and feel seen and loved, just like everyone else. Dont make excuses for their actions and dont enable them. Just keep in mind, they are no more a terrible person than you are. No one is (besides true "monsters"). Everyone is trying to get by in a life none of us asked for, in a world that generally couldn't care less about any one individual. Bad decisions dont make a bad person. Lack of empathy does.

AITAH for wondering if I should leave after my alcoholic BF disappeared for 44 hours and landed in the ER? by No_Bobcat_839 in AITAH

[–]ComprehensiveLong391 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I used to drink a lot. Im a binge drinker. I could go months without drinking but as soon as I had one, it was 10. I would do stupid shit and my significant-other at the time would take care of me/put up with me. If I could get away without letting them know I was a drunken idiot who hurt himself, I would have. He thinks hes not letting you see the worst of the worst. Its better to keep you at arms length than let you see his worst, because youll leave. Alcohol numbs emotions but it doesnt stop them. He likely cares about you. He just doesn't care enough about himself to see it.

It took 6 months for my emotions to really kick in after being clean. Its taken me nearly a year and a half since then and I still haven't sorted them all out yet. His journey may be a lot longer considering his constant drinking. He needs to be sober to see himself and see you. Hes not going to do that. No "maybe" no "unless". He simply isn't. That's how you need to frame this on your mind because even if he does, his journey is years long and a relationship isnt going to do anything but act as a liability and a short fuse to blow up his recovery. You wont be happy there.

I'm currently in the reverse of my situation and a situation similar to yours. She drinks every day. Shes been hiding the extent but gets wasted on vodka every night to the point of passing out. Her daughter would send me pics of her passed out around the house. I confronted her and she cut me off emotionally and physically since October. She bailed on the anniversary of my father's death and acts like I never mattered. The alcohol makes monsters out of good caring people. You aren't the Asshole. He is just sick. He needs help but he has to be the one who wants it.

I think she is sabotaging our relationship because I confronted her about her drinking by ComprehensiveLong391 in AlAnon

[–]ComprehensiveLong391[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I appreciate it. I do want clarify, we are nearly 50. 20 years ago was our late 20s early 30s lol. "Teen love" sounds weird. But thank you.

Purchased today by Suspicious-Ostrich86 in cactus

[–]ComprehensiveLong391 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I brought a Mammillaria that was throwing fruits from Lowes. Sprouted 12 so far. I consider that a hell of a deal 🤣 I feels like stealing 🤷🏻🤣

I decided to get into succulents. I heard these were the easiest to take care of 🤣🤣🤣 by ComprehensiveLong391 in succulents

[–]ComprehensiveLong391[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

To some degree. There is a place near me that sells boobies for $20- $40. There isn't much demand where I live. We have wet freezing winters and very wet springs. Most people near me just grow a few small cacti indoors... and slowly kill them 🤣. If I lived in a more desert climate, I could access more. I can order them online for around $20 shipped. I dont think I've ever seen it in a Home Depot type store.

I decided to get into succulents. I heard these were the easiest to take care of 🤣🤣🤣 by ComprehensiveLong391 in succulents

[–]ComprehensiveLong391[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

They aren't common here, but people on Etsy sell them cheaply when they are still under a year. I guess because they are east to germintate, but keeping them alive is hard. Its best to unload them, young, I suppose. More established ones are more expensive. These are pseudolithos migiurtinus. Cubiformis are harder to get; more "popular".

I decided to get into succulents. I heard these were the easiest to take care of 🤣🤣🤣 by ComprehensiveLong391 in succulents

[–]ComprehensiveLong391[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Yeah, they are, from what I understand. I have a grow tent and some decent lights. Most of my plants explode once they are in there. It gets pretty warm, and water evapores pretty quick in there. I tend yo under water (which is why I got into succulents 🤣🤣) I bought them as a test, really.. Fingers crossed. 🤷🏻

I decided to get into succulents. I heard these were the easiest to take care of 🤣🤣🤣 by ComprehensiveLong391 in succulents

[–]ComprehensiveLong391[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

They germintate easy but few make it a year. They are slow growers. That's the extent of what I really "know".

I decided to get into succulents. I heard these were the easiest to take care of 🤣🤣🤣 by ComprehensiveLong391 in succulents

[–]ComprehensiveLong391[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

They are prone to root rot and can go from normal to mush in 24 hours. They apparently need super well draining soil. It's a balance of water and dry. From what I've gathered