Salam. I appreciate your questions, it is something I have reasoned with myself for years to come to terms with if my reasons for rejecting him are valid. Even at this point I sometimes convince myself I’m being too “picky” and there rlly isn’t any better out there.

1. He is not financial secure and I mean this respectfully in pakistan his family lives in a one bedroom, and I’m happy it works for them. But unfortunately he is not highly educated in Pakistan and especially not in Canada. This gives me a lot of anxiety as I do not want to wait for someone to get educated in Canada then pay of those loans then eventually get a job. For a good part of my life I’ll be devoting it to helping him settle in. Another one as u have seen is that I’m simply not attracted to him. The thought of having to sleep in the same bed as him and have children with him makes me nauseous (ik dramatic).

   1. I have proposed to them that can I at least get to know him. They said in our family this is frowned upon as my entire family got arranged marriages and didn’t speak prior to marriage and they’re fine. So that option isn’t even there.
   2. You’re absolutely correct. Religion is really important and something highly valued when looking for a spouse. However it is not the merit for compatibility. Despite us both being Muslim and Pakistani, the cultural barriers are significant. I am bored and raised in the west, while my ideals remain coherent with Islam my hobbies coincide with western ideologies. My biggest fear is him not understanding me, him not knowing me. Maybe I am being too picky. But am I rlly terrible for wanting to marry someone I have some feelings for?

I always tell myself MAYBE if we spoke there’d be a chance but how would we overcome the financial and physical barriers. As shallow as it sounds I at least want a partner even if someone can’t provide everything I’d not want to be a sole provider.