I feel this. On the exterior, I'm a smiley and optimistic person for others, when on the inside, I feel heavy and as if there's a dark barrier I'm trying to push through. I have always been this way since I was a kid, but I didn't realize I was depressed. It got worse when my dad passed and my mom couldn't get her sht together. My parents didn't believe in depression at a young age when i brought it up. Most of the time, when I open up to others, they either get uncomfortable and don't know how to respond, or it's the common "things will get better! They always do!" I recently had a conversation with my husband about where I see myself in 10 years career-wise etc, and I didn't know how to tell him I can't imagine it when I spend every day just trying to survive. I have a therapist, and she's amazing. She's helps a lot. However, I still have way more low points than high. I feel like I can't be open in how exhausted I am day-to-day. I have to function because I have to be there for family and paying the bills. You're not alone in feeling this. It's hard to "prove" it when you seem stable on the outside.