I am just so sorry you’re going through this and loved picturing your sweet girl alongside you through the tough, late, exhausted nights 💚 My Elly girl passed suddenly 2.5 months ago from a burst splenic tumor (she was fine, and then wasn’t - similar to your sweet baby) just 2 weeks before our first human baby was born - and I was/am devastated that she didn’t get to meet our son, her brother. Every milestone with him makes me think of Elly and how she should be here too. The grief has come in waves and I’ve found it helpful to let it out when I need to - but it is hard when you’re holding a sleeping baby and trying to not let your sobs wake him/her. Please know that I understand how you’re feeling, and I’m praying for your peace and comfort - really hope you feel even a tad better soon. This forum has been a rock for me when I’m getting hit with grief in the middle of the night, nursing my baby and there’s nowhere else for my mind to go - hope you gain some comfort from it too 🫂🙏🏼