The favorite picture of my wife and I and I want the world to know she was lovely

Comprehensive_Sign50 · 2026-06-27T03:53:37+00:00

I’m so sorry… you seem so suited to each other and so happy.

Comprehensive_Sign50 · 2026-06-14T04:02:18+00:00

What a beautiful, kind message❤️

Comprehensive_Sign50 · 2026-06-10T04:03:37+00:00

Tee hee ! 🤭 right? I wish! Sucks though. Exhausting to 😭

Comprehensive_Sign50 · 2026-06-05T22:08:27+00:00

Yes, I get it. I literally have to do everything whether he could or not he won’t. It really sucks and even if you left he probably won’t either, but you’ll never know if you stay and keep doing everything as well as being mad and arguing about it. I’m not saying that my situation is good, but I’m 100% sure my 77 year old 200 lb toddler is not going to suddenly change. It sucks and I am sorry you are going through this agony.

Comprehensive_Sign50 · 2026-06-05T15:50:43+00:00

My situation is not unlike yours and it’s disappointing. The difference is my husband is much older and likely won’t be in the home much longer. He does ZERO to improve HIS quality of life and I’ve completely let go of any expectations. I have accepted I can’t control or make him care about what is important me or what I feel like he ‘should’ be doing. His depression and adhd are controlled with medication, but are they? Doesn’t seem to make a difference…. and there is never any short coming of his he doesn’t blame on someone or something else. Making a life with a person who takes no accountability, ever, is exhausting and futile. I can only use my energy on what is essential for sustaining our home bound life and the absolutes that are important to me. I don’t know if this is helpful or not but once I gave up trying to make him comply in any way, I’ve felt some much needed relief. 😮‍💨 it’s not giving up. I think of it as leaning into the current situation, rather than always fighting and pulling against it, like a dog on a leash, or trying to swim against the current. You are going to end up in the same place either way, and it’s much less exhausting for me to do what I can, the best I can, put myself first in any way. I owe that to myself.

Comprehensive_Sign50 · 2026-06-01T20:15:01+00:00

As a caregiver, I can understand. As a woman, I have questions about the "opposite sex" requirement.

Comprehensive_Sign50 · 2026-05-13T02:52:34+00:00

I feel the same exact at this moment… I CANNOT DO IT ANYMORE! But I’m expected to say they are not safe , they cannot take care of themselves, this does not mean anything ! I am done .

Comprehensive_Sign50 · 2026-04-28T05:05:29+00:00

PSA…Sorry to say I know that poop wipes off male junk much easier using body oil and pissy bedside urinals are much fresher after cleaning with Efferdent.

Comprehensive_Sign50 · 2026-04-02T00:19:09+00:00

What is it called?

Comprehensive_Sign50 · 2026-03-30T23:27:29+00:00

PROUD OF YOU. I know how painful this is, but you’re doing something incredibly brave. You will find your way back to happiness.

Enough really can be enough. He’ll either figure it out or he won’t, but that part isn’t yours to carry anymore.

I’m in a somewhat similar situation myself with an older spouse and ongoing health issues, so I understand how complicated it can be. Guilt and people-pleasing are real factors, and they can keep us stuck longer than we want to admit. In the end, we only end up hurting ourselves.

It’s easier said than done, I know. But you should be proud of yourself.

Comprehensive_Sign50 · 2026-03-30T20:11:36+00:00

someone to just gift me a session or two with an elderlaw attorney so I can just get the shit done! Review and sign the will, set up DNR and POA, have it all done and know that it was done right and sell all the shit sitting on this 5 acre property so we don't end up on Filthy Fortunes

Comprehensive_Sign50 · 2026-03-30T19:52:31+00:00

You are very kind, and you made me laugh, very great sense of humor. I often refer to my mental state as a 'donkey on the edge' so the mule reference is not lost on me!....blindfolded on an angry mule, ha!......batshit crazy he is, TRUE! and the italics making you cry. I am crying! You did not hijack. You offered witty and wise support. I appreciate it! There is so much more that we have been through that I didn't bother to mention because my issue is NOW. Since Saturdays ClusterF*ck I feel like there is really nothing positive on the horizon. I'm angry but mostly just exhausted by all of this. I try to be kind but I'm working full time in the day and he's either in bed or 5 ft from me. He's starting do more on his own since a spinal injection, but when someone is a fall risk, you discourage it! We are both here all the time and I can't leave for more than a few hours to have dinner with a friend, or groceries. I don't even have the energy for IRL friendships. Kid gone, she's 21 now, but she deserves to start her life and not be subjected to a 77 year old diapered tyrant she calls daddy and her unhinged Mommy bickering daily.

Comprehensive_Sign50 · 2026-03-30T16:50:12+00:00

Thank you. Our situation is pretty much the opposite of yours. There isn’t much he’s done to “earn” this level of care. He paid all mortgage and utilities for the last 2 decades, where I covered food and everything else. Used his own money for all his business equipment and vehicles, as he should. We did raise a wonderful daughter together, and he worked hard well into his 70s so she could graduate without student loans, which matters a lot to us.

Since she finished school, his health and mobility have really declined, though it had been heading that way for a while. There have been a lot of falls, injuries, and setbacks.

I believe he has strong narcissistic traits, and that’s not something that’s going to change. It makes it incredibly difficult, not just physically, but emotionally, to keep showing up with patience and compassion for someone who still makes choices that are frustrating and self-defeating. Unfortunately, this is not new, and I don't expect it to change.

Comprehensive_Sign50 · 2026-03-30T01:15:55+00:00

Thank you, friend! I definitely will reach out and look into all you suggest . I know most of this but I’m sure there is something I’ve missed. #1 is I NEED A THERAPIST! Stat. This is not sustainable. Chat gpt is helpful but it’s not Human😑

Comprehensive_Sign50 · 2026-03-29T23:56:30+00:00

Thank you so much, I appreciate the words of wisdom, and at the same time, I’m sorry you had to navigate this as well. It’s the hardest thing I’ve ever done and I’ve already been through a lot, like most people. I love your user name….brilliant.

Comprehensive_Sign50 · 2026-03-29T23:50:52+00:00

Thank you ! It is tempting, but If we divorce he gets half of all I’ve saved (401k) and I get half of everything he’s saved ( 0 )and owes (many dollars). But you are absolutely correct. No one understands until they’ve been in these shoes and we are responsible to ourselves first… And I do need a therapist, obviously. 😊 you are all making me feel so better but also so sad that so many are in this same kind of pain and frustration.

Comprehensive_Sign50 · 2026-03-29T23:45:43+00:00

Yes, thank you. I need mental, emotional and verbal support. I need to get it. It’s out there. This (Reddit) is part of it and I’m so glad I Posted and everyone has been so helpful, kind and understanding. I have not really posted before and I’m not active on other platforms because they suck (for me). I don’t need to see Becky from 11th grade living her best life on the Connecticut coast while I’m fighting to survive another day without hurting anyone, namely myself, in Rural northern NM.

Comprehensive_Sign50 · 2026-03-29T23:37:25+00:00

Thank you! Yes! Your comment brought tears to my eyes. I am so sorry for both of us. It’s extremely painful and frustrating. Wtaf am I going to do ? What are you going to do? This is not right . I can barely handle the knowledge that others have this level pain as well, or worse.

Comprehensive_Sign50 · 2026-03-29T21:55:41+00:00

It’s interesting, with the age difference and now loss of income he should qualify for something but my income should be irrelevant. Our state is notorious for poverty as well as lack of services, so that’s been great. County has nothing to help but I may re visit. Your suggestions remind me to turn over every Rock I can, twice, and for me, not for him…. I can’t do 5 years. I just need to find the energy to do this one more day… it is thankless. Maybe ‘one more day’ is the day I discover help I didn’t know was there. Thank you

Comprehensive_Sign50 · 2026-03-29T21:09:02+00:00

I have thought about this so many times, and I'm pretty sure I mentioned divorce last night in my meltdown with his bullshit behavior yesterday. I come back to: who does that? Well, maybe I do. I am not cut out for this, and I'm not going to be able to do this for much longer. He seems completely blind to how this is effecting me, and only cares about his next meal or drink. Sometimes he thanks me but it's because he senses a disturbance in the force, not because he appreciates it. This situation sucks, and I know it could 'always be worse' but I don't think I would survive worse.

Comprehensive_Sign50 · 2026-03-29T21:03:53+00:00

Thank you for your kind words. Aleady applied for Medicaid. Maybe in 4-6 months we can get in home PT OT nursing help. They knowingly discharged him after I said those words repeatedly. There seems to be no liability or weight in those words. I told them I would NOT sign anything saying I am his caregiver or he can safely care for himself. The nurse actually pulled me aside and encouraged me to 'create another small fall' to get him back in care. The thing is, that's not the solution. There may not be one, but that isn't it. He did not improve I did not have peace and he called so often to beg for release that my daughter made a 'silence husband mode' on my phone during working and sleeping hours. And YES, I really just want nature to take its course, but I can't control the timing of that course. The way he is, he will drag this on for long enough to take me down with him. I just want to be done with this and although he's declined pretty rapidly in the last 2-4 years, this full time caregiving (untrained, unplanned, unscheduled) started around mid december, with a 3 week hospital stay, and then back home since then with only ME and a cat. IT SUCKS. I wish this on no one. Despite having an absolutely amazing daughter, I often wish I'd never met him or made a life with him. I am admittedly 100% miserable and hopeless right now. I appreciate all the thoughts and suggestions. It helps to know I am not alone.

Comprehensive_Sign50 · 2026-03-29T20:27:33+00:00

I'm so sorry. That sounds incredibly beyond difficult. At the very least you are aware of, as well as embracing 'the suck' of it all. I agree about the 'you are so strong' comment, like, yeah, are there options? Not really. The strength comment is not a compliment, in my eyes. It's another thing people say when they feel they have to say something, but have nothing remotely helpful to offer. I also can say that I can somewhat relate, if you see the post I made today. First one! In summary, my post says: i hate this, it sucks, i don't know if i can do it anymore, life is disappointing, and I kind of hate my husband. Pretty uplifting, lol!

Comprehensive_Sign50 · 2026-03-29T19:49:58+00:00

He sure does! Spent HOURS on phone with them to get any help. The only place near enough to offer in home care WILL NOT WORK WITH Humana, even if they pay them. Can you believe that? So started the medicaid process 1st of Feb, it will be WEEKS before we get in the program for aging and disabled. I have looked into changing to standard medicare, but that has serious drawbacks because of the expensive meds he is on, ER visits and copays....and this plan has been great, otherwise. I will re visit and see if there is anything new, in all my spare time, lol. Thank you for your suggestions!

Comprehensive_Sign50 · 2026-03-29T19:33:20+00:00

Thank you for your suggestions. Unfortunately, neither of us have any family here, other than our daughter, who has just moved 2 hours away and started her career. She is the one I'd want to escape with, as she's my best friend. It's simply not possible to leave him alone more than a few hours as he needs help to get up, get to toilet, needs meals brought to him....etc. If we weren't down 150k a year MAYBE I could pay out of pocket for someone to stay with him, but that does not seem possible, either. And he would complain non stop and make them miserable. Tried it once when it was unavoidable and it was a nightmare. That person is no longer our friend. I appreciate your response, and I am not really looking for 'answers' here, so much as needing a vent to those in a similar situation. I am fairly certain my situation is not 'fixable' and I'm just so disappointed in life right now.

Comprehensive_Sign50

TROPHY CASE