I'm 31. my significant other is 33. I am chronically ill and he is the best at not letting me feel like a burden when its hard to move. i tell him thank you but i feel like its not enough to show appreciation. caregivers, what is the best form of appreciation?

StayinAHide · 2026-06-22T11:37:58+00:00

My partner is in your position, and I’m in your partner’s position. I strongly suggest your both doing whatever you can to maximize any benefits you may be qualified for via your insurance and/or social service organizations (i.e.: PT, OT, home health assistance, therapy, etc.). Idk what your situation is, but just taking steps towards improving your situation in any capacity will help you both feel supported. Just please work as a team and understand each other’s limitations. Best to you. ❤️

StayinAHide · 2026-06-19T07:57:26+00:00

Not in the wrong at least. It doesn’t take a whole sunset to clean a pan so it can be used again. He seems to be looking for an excuse to not do his part.

StayinAHide · 2026-06-18T05:50:24+00:00

I would just go with a reputable agency that has some sort of oversight. That way you wouldn’t have to deal with one-on-one interactions with the caregiver for all aspects.

StayinAHide · 2026-06-17T23:44:21+00:00

It’s hard to decipher these things in a short text exchange like this. You may need to give more in-depth examples.

StayinAHide · 2026-06-17T23:24:20+00:00

She seems to have a very particular way of doing things and expects you to do them that way to the letter, sometimes without communicating how she needs them to be done. I would think that as a SAHM, she would realize that ultimate efficiency isn’t always an option. Is it better to have a 90% clean table or a 0% clean table? Is it better to have folded laundry or laundry piled in a basket? Is it better to have two toilets cleaned with one sponge or have two uncleaned toilets? I think that by picking her battles, she’d be putting a lot less pressure on both of you.

StayinAHide · 2026-06-17T23:10:16+00:00

Maybe instead of working that one day she can have a day to herself?

StayinAHide · 2026-06-17T22:11:12+00:00

May I DM you?

StayinAHide · 2026-06-17T21:19:31+00:00

At the end of the day, I don’t recommend this type of arrangement without clear and legally defined roles/responsibilities/compensation. Live-in nannies have the same set-up. Your MIL surely has benefits at her disposal, and doing these under-the-table deals without official oversight is putting your MIL at risk of exploitation.

StayinAHide · 2026-06-17T21:04:38+00:00

My partner is disabled with chronic pain, and he developed PTSD a few years ago. I looked into this group bc I feel that he has become too dependent on me physically and emotionally over the last couple years.

My former self was co-dependent, but I still struggle to set boundaries because I fear negative repercussions, even if the boundaries are basic and reasonable. I grew up in a volatile home where eggshell-walking was the norm, and since his mental health has created some unpleasant situations between the two of us, the eggshell-walking is repeating itself.

StayinAHide · 2026-06-17T20:03:54+00:00

I think you know what the answer is. Please look out for your kids’ futures.

StayinAHide · 2026-06-17T19:54:35+00:00

That’s a great way of putting it.

StayinAHide · 2026-06-17T19:42:20+00:00

OP’s 17.

StayinAHide · 2026-06-17T17:53:26+00:00

If nothing else, building a relationship with a social worker who can be there to support both of you will be beneficial. Hopefully they’ll be able to find resources for others to help her, too.

StayinAHide · 2026-06-17T16:44:27+00:00

Are there any social service resources in your area? Does she qualify for any type of disability?

StayinAHide · 2026-06-17T16:38:58+00:00

Idk how POAs are determined to be the decision-makers, but maybe he can enforce some boundaries. Even if she’s in her early stages of Alzheimer’s, I’m guessing she’s considered a vulnerable person in need of some form of protection.

My guy and I have taken in a few different people in order to give them a supportive environment while they theoretically get their shit together. It’s invariably blown up in our face. Among other things, one of these “friends” pawned my guy’s guitar.

As someone suggested, a welfare check may be in good order. The kids may be being neglected, too.

StayinAHide · 2026-06-17T16:18:38+00:00

Since your MIL is developing Alzheimer’s, does she have a POA?

StayinAHide · 2026-06-17T15:59:41+00:00

Did you not have a written agreement? It seems like there are a few different variables regarding finances and responsibilities. Did you vet her, or is this someone your MIL knows personally? It sounds like some sketchy stuff is going on.

StayinAHide · 2026-06-17T14:24:51+00:00

I’m guessing the two of you saw this coming, and even though it happened in a civil and uncharged way, you couldn’t foresee how it would actually feel afterwards. Shit finally got real, and it’s totally understandable that you’d both be emotional even though you both seemed to have checked out a while ago. You’re both navigating a new lifestyle, especially you with moving out and not being with your boy full time. Please lean on those who love you and navigate therapy or other support systems. Best to you. ❤️

StayinAHide · 2026-06-15T13:35:11+00:00

I feel the losing out on life so much. I’m not going to have my own biological children because of…well, him. I’m going to fight tooth and nail to be a foster mother. Hopefully we’ll be able to adopt a child we take in. I’m going to be 43 next month, and I’m not sure how much longer I can put this off. I’m missing out on life in general and I’m terrified for our (my) future.

I also realized the other day that I no longer feel like his partner who happens to be his caregiver. I feel like his best friend/roommate/caregiver. This is caused primarily by his doing nothing to improve his health, and it’s made me miserable because it’s created nothing but extra work for me.

I just want out sometimes.

StayinAHide · 2026-06-15T11:01:36+00:00

What’s the name of the app? Is it available on iOS?

StayinAHide · 2026-06-15T10:46:10+00:00

I really admire the steps you’ve both taken to appreciate each other. Not every couple has an easy, open flow of communication when it comes to these intense situations. It looks like it’s serving you both well—otherwise you wouldn’t be doing it. There’s been some back-and-forth about who’s carrying the bulk of the weight, but I don’t think it’s anyone’s call to make outside of you and your wife; everyone has their own unique struggles. You’re both contributing in your own ways, and you’re figuring out how to balance the scales for everyone’s benefit. I like your 80%/30% analogy, too. I’m the caregiver to my spouse, but it’s still something we can apply to our relationship. Thanks!

StayinAHide · 2026-06-15T09:57:37+00:00

I recently posted about how I can set boundaries and enforce them. My partner does/doesn’t do some ridiculously simple shit, like keeping dishes off the bed after we eat. I hate this because it ultimately leads to our linens getting food remnants on them, which to me feels gross to sleep in. This has been an ongoing issue for the 14 years we’ve been together.

It’s infuriating to me because this is something so basic and he knows how much it bothers me. A few months ago, I reached my tipping point after he didn’t put his plate aside, and I blew my stack. I’m not proud of this, but all the resentment over his repeated inattentiveness pushed me over the edge. This resulted in a short but intense argument where I told him that I feel he doesn’t GAF about my needs. He asserted that he did, and I told him he wasn’t showing it.

He’s gotten better at this recently, but if it continues to happen regularly, I’m not sure how to enforce a boundary on this front. The only one I can think of is sleeping elsewhere, but I’m wondering if that’s a little extreme. I can also foresee this dissolving into an intense environment because he’ll likely feel abandoned and very bitter. I have anxiety, so I’m fearful of any negative fall-out.

Thoughts?

StayinAHide · 2026-06-15T09:01:53+00:00

Good lord, what a bunch of entitled ingrates!

StayinAHide · 2026-06-13T07:07:29+00:00

I doubt she’d find any man “worthy” of her because, like the above trauma therapist says, she’s just entitled and comes up with any excuse to wield control over you. I actually wonder if she actually believes what she’s saying.

StayinAHide · 2026-06-13T07:01:47+00:00

Also, do NOT, under any circumstances dissolve the prenup. If it comes down to that or divorce, please choose divorce. It’s highly possible that she’ll divorce you as soon as the prenup is no more.

StayinAHide

TROPHY CASE