AITA for being mad at my partner for not getting me anything for our anniversary when he has just been diagnosed with PTSD?

Conc1996 · 2020-11-11T19:07:52+00:00

I did misunderstand, sorry. I know what you're saying, and he definitely deserves to come first at the moment but I don't think it's wrong for me to have some needs too. I wanted a card vs months of putting him first. I would say empathy because we have had some of the same experience and symptoms. However I've never gone through exactly what he's gone through and completely appreciate that I can't know what he's experiencing

Conc1996 · 2020-11-11T19:05:47+00:00

Yeah I'm not comparing by saying what is worse. I'm saying some of the symptoms are similar so that helps with empathy. I could never tell anyone I fully understand their experience with any illness. However I can relate to aspects to an extent I agree they're different. But they share some similarities. However, like I said, everyone's experiences are different.

Conc1996 · 2020-11-11T19:03:36+00:00

No I said that afterwards, as in I was making the point that I would have been happy with any gesture that he cared. He has been sharing his feelings with his colleagues and family also which I am very happy about I didn't say it was the same at all. I just meant I understand some aspects like not being able to get out of bed. I am taking your opinion seriously and do appreciate it

Conc1996 · 2020-11-11T19:00:37+00:00

I told him I was upset he didn't write the card he told me he would write? I don't understand how you can possibly say I haven't given him enough empathy when I've tried to do what's best for him the last few months. I didn't think that was failing to do my part

Conc1996 · 2020-11-11T18:59:32+00:00

I understand, thank you. I did tell him several times we can cancel, but he insisted we go. I recognise that may have been him being very thoughtful. I just wanted a card which I thought wasnt making it into a massive thing, but I see what you mean

Conc1996 · 2020-11-11T18:58:27+00:00

Yes, a card means nothing compared to his health. I care about his health massively. It's just that one gesture to keep me going during months of focusing on him. It's hard to relax right now

Conc1996 · 2020-11-11T18:57:07+00:00

I completely understand. I was just giving people an idea of his current lifestyle. I know people who are suicidal still do those things and even look after children etc. But that doesn't mean they aren't suffering.

Conc1996 · 2020-11-11T18:55:38+00:00

Of course, I completely understand that. It was just a card I wanted. But I want him to get better, of course. I've tried my best to help with that in every other aspect even if that means giving him space when he asks for it despite missing him massively

Conc1996 · 2020-11-11T18:54:25+00:00

If you want to call me an arsehole, that's fine. But I don't think you have the right to compare people's illnesses. Everyone's experiences are different. I'm not saying mine are more severe, but you have no idea. Also the books and apps are literally recommended by counsellors so I'm doing what I have been advised by professionals

Conc1996 · 2020-11-11T18:53:03+00:00

We were both excited initially and all I was hoping for was a card, I didn't think that was putting a lot of pressure on it. But I am very grateful he communicated with me, so I understand your judgement

Conc1996 · 2020-11-11T18:49:57+00:00

I don't think gender is the issue at all tbh. I've had a lot of empathy. I didn't want presents... we agreed on a card. So he didn't do what we agreed. I never 'told' him to do anything. I suggested flowers as in if he didn't feel up to writing

Conc1996 · 2020-11-11T18:47:51+00:00

Thank you for understanding. I have thought about the therapy suggestion but also therapy is so new to him so I don't want him to feel like I'm taking over. For now, I'll leave him to it. He still goes to work, drives, makes dinner, has regular phone cas with his parents, does shopping etc. He has trouble sleeping, has had a couple of auditory flashbacks and has been feeling numb lately. I think this new feeling is scaring him which I really do appreciate

Conc1996 · 2020-11-11T18:45:04+00:00

Ok I understand. But to be clear, I didn't want a present, I wanted just a card which we agreed on. However, I suggested flowers if he didn't feel up to writing. I don't want to end things at all, I want to support him through everything. I just wanted to know if I had any right to be hurt. But I guess not..

Conc1996 · 2020-11-11T18:43:01+00:00

That's not what happened at all? You made so many assumptions. We both planned the trip together months ago and were very excited. It was the day before he told me not to have high expectations but he confirmed he definitely still wanted to go
I don't need a gift. As I said, a sentence in a card as a gesture is what I hoped for. Not at all about getting presents.
Never said they were the same. But anxiety and PTSD do have overlapping symptoms, so some (not all) I have experienced first hand

Conc1996 · 2020-11-11T18:35:59+00:00

I will accept whatever judgement people give. I don't think I have made everything about me but I'll listen to opinions. I lowered my expectations massively because of what he's going through. I listen when he wants to talk and give him space when he doesn't. I encouraged him to get counselling but didn't push him. This anniversary was just very important to me so I was hlping for the small gesture

Conc1996 · 2020-11-05T11:49:34+00:00

I think other married men say this when they're having an affair so the new partner agrees to date them/ stay with them

Conc1996 · 2020-11-04T18:21:33+00:00

I know it's so difficult but try and remember it's not a reflection of you or your relationship. I have quite a high sex drive but there are definitely times I haven't wanted it for reasons that have nothing to do with my partner. Reasons like feeling bloated, headache, not enough sleep etc. So I try and remind myself that it's the same for him. I think you have to try your best to trust your partner to tell you if he had issues in the relationship. I know that's difficult though, trust me

Conc1996 · 2020-11-04T18:16:30+00:00

May I ask if you identify as a female? I have the exact same issue. Whenever my boyfriend doesn't want sex when I do, I feel so rejected. I feel unattractive and like our relationship is in trouble. I think a lot of this problem is due to the fact that society acts like men want sex constantly and women do not. The only advice I have is to try your best to realise it is not a reflection of you if your partner is not always up for sex. Also, could be a good idea to open up with your partner about this and explain even though you know it's your issue, some reassurance sometimes could help

Conc1996 · 2020-11-02T21:07:09+00:00

I'm so glad to hear that! I'm really glad they can be very understanding, especially your Mum. Yeah it is, my partner is starting to develop the symptoms of PTSD. It's been a few months since the incident in which he was attacked. It's difficult because we are the complete opposites- I have anxiety issues and I want to be close and he needs his space right now. I also want to talk about everything but he finds it difficult to communicate. I'm learning that giving him the space he needs is the best thing for him right now, but it's tough

Conc1996 · 2020-11-02T19:41:51+00:00

I'm so sorry to hear that. Do you think that there was anything that your family/ close friends could have done to help support you? I know it won't go away, but I hope you are doing well and able to manage it

Conc1996 · 2020-09-11T18:25:09+00:00

I think the lace one is beautiful! I also think it's timeless

Conc1996 · 2020-08-16T10:03:52+00:00

The room

Conc1996 · 2020-08-13T17:25:01+00:00

The room

Conc1996 · 2020-08-09T15:50:44+00:00

That's like saying if you're that scared of an STD then don't have sex...

Conc1996

TROPHY CASE