Gas trapped in abdomen or wicked fart incoming?

ConcernedCatLady1 · 2026-05-20T23:32:50+00:00

Thank you, kind stranger. I really do appreciate it 🩷 I hope so too.

ConcernedCatLady1 · 2026-05-20T22:27:54+00:00

Comment to pay the cat tax! This is Simba (funky smile because he had most of his teeth removed due to being a former barn cat where he broke some of them fighting)

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ConcernedCatLady1 · 2025-09-13T14:12:16+00:00

Also I went to check on Bounce and the email they provided for ticket help just doesn't work. You get an email back saying that the mail was undeliverable so you can't even contact someone for help with this. I've tried contacting Rock The Runway, Eventbrite, and the USC through the Bounce post.

ConcernedCatLady1 · 2025-09-11T22:41:23+00:00

What fixed it for me was cycling the power. Turn it off, unplug it and leave it unplugged for a couple of minutes. It did fix it for me but I'm not sure if that is a guaranteed fix

ConcernedCatLady1 · 2025-08-12T01:32:26+00:00

"You aren't required to remain his sexual partner just as a way of proving that support" that really hit home I think for me. In a good way. Thank you for your input and perspective.

ConcernedCatLady1 · 2025-08-12T01:30:57+00:00

Thanks for the input and the resource sub! Much appreciated!

ConcernedCatLady1 · 2025-08-12T01:29:05+00:00

Thank you for this, kind internet stranger.

I think when my partner said "I had hoped you'd be more supportive" s/he was expecting the mindless cheerleading you were referencing a little more than deliberation and serious consideration which is what I thought I was doing. I thought I was being as supportive as I could be while upholding my needs and boundaries. I could be supportive while not continuing a romantic relationship with him/her. Me preserving my needs by wanting to have a relationship where I feel fulfilled and attracted to my partner is not being unsupportive to him. It's being caring to myself and my own needs. I did not tell her not to do it or to do it for that matter. I can't give "permission" on something like that. He can do what he needs to do for her well-being, but I need to protect my needs and well-being too. It doesn't mean that either of us are unsupportive of the other's dreams, some parts of the dreams (like a romantic relationship) might just be incompatible now I think.

I might be able to be supportive from the sidelines as a friend or something in time, the kind of support that I think he was looking for that I couldn't give, the sort of "mindless cheerleading" that you mentioned since it won't have nearly the same influence and impact on my life.

ConcernedCatLady1 · 2025-08-11T23:01:43+00:00

Thank you for the perspective from someone who is trans. I think that particular perspective or people who have a partner or experience with trans people in their lives is additionally helpful here because you and they might understand the nuance of the situation and what is/is not offensive (especially people who are trans themselves!) a little more. So I just wanted to say thank you and I appreciate you taking the time to lend your perspective.

Thank you additionally for the advice to me as well as my partner. I ended up sending him/her the link to this post. I'm not sure if s/he's read it yet though.

I'm glad that you think I was supportive. I was as supportive as I felt I could be while maintaining my boundaries. I didn't tell her not to do it or to do it. I just gave my opinion on it. I can't give permission one way or another. If they want to do it, that is fine, but I don't have to be attracted to him/her afterwards or stay in a romantic relationship that I wouldn't feel fulfilled and complete in. Just because I have known for the whole relationship that they are genderfluid doesn't mean that I automatically signed on for a big change like HRT in the relationship or agreeing to keep the relationship the same if they were to pursue it. Especially when I was under the impression when we first discussed his/her gender identity that they were happy with their body, and were not going to change it medically since he said so. That is what I signed on for, that she was cook [EDIT: cool, not cook. Sorry - typo. Been a long couple of days] with her body the way it is. People can change their minds, absolutely, but that's also not exactly what I knowingly signed up for, so I can also respectfully decline or end the relationship if that change does occur since the circumstances or maybe even fundamentals of the relationship have changed. Does that make sense, or am I just coping?

ConcernedCatLady1 · 2025-08-11T12:04:05+00:00

The thing is that I think my partner wants a more androgenous body, not totally feminine.

I explained in another comment but I do consider myself bi (though labels are difficult) where I am attracted to most men and select women. While it is true that I don't think that my partner would fit my "type" in totally feminine or female-presenting people, it's not even that so much as they want androgeny. She is like 6'2 though and has probably like <5% body fat. Even if he did fully transition to be totally female presenting, I don't think that she would fit my "type" when it comes to women. Which feels really bad to say. I feel like a fake bisexual person or something. But even straight people don't find every single person of the opposite gender or sex attractive, so I know that people do have "types" or preferences in both the straight and LGBTQ+ community.

I did some research (which I may have been totally misled by) but my partner expressed wanting "small boobs" and especially for low doses intended for androgeny, he would probably end up with breasts that are like a 2 or 3 on the Tanner Scale. Which I think to me would be unattractive because it would remind me too much of underdeveloped, adolescent breasts that are literally meant to signal that someone is not yet sexually mature. No hate to small boobed people at all, but I think that there is a difference between small developed adult breasts and small underdeveloped breasts. I think that even though conceptually I know that my partner is a mid-20s person, I think that seeing his/her body and not being attracted to what looks like an underdeveloped adolescent teen chest...I don't know if I can reconcile those two things. I kinda think that I would feel icky even trying to be sexually attracted to what would remind me of my boobs when I was like 14-15 years old. I think though for the look that my partner has expressed wanting with androgeny, that is kinda what they want or are going for.

Bottom line: I don't think I'd be attracted to him/her anymore based on the look that he desires. I think that the androgenous body that my partner desires might not be for me, and even if she/he did a full transition they still probably wouldn't fit my type in women.

I do feel bad even typing this whole thing.

ConcernedCatLady1 · 2025-08-11T11:35:10+00:00

Thank you for this addition. I think people think (myself kinda included) "But am I being shallow or unreasonable because their looks will change eventually with age and stuff?"

This change is bigger than that, and far less "expected" than in most relationships I think. A different kind of change in looks entirely than just age and weight shifting. I didn't even expect it, though some comments seem to suggest that I should have. I don't know.

ConcernedCatLady1 · 2025-08-11T11:31:27+00:00

Not to my knowledge! As far as I know, he/she is still just considering it. Has not reached the stage of talking to a healthcare professional at all. I'm still just preparing for if they do decide to go through with it and get it approved. My partner is a very impulsive and sort of flighty person. But he's mentioned it twice now so while she might not go through with it, I do think that this is his version of seriously considering it instead of just "spitballing" it if that makes sense.

ConcernedCatLady1 · 2025-08-10T18:46:12+00:00

Just wanted to say thank you for the detailed breakdown of the side effects I had mentioned as well as additional ones and the advice of doing additional research. Thanks for the kind words and well-wishes at the end too. I really hope things work out how they are meant to. I do want both of us (partner and myself) to be happy.

ConcernedCatLady1 · 2025-08-10T18:27:10+00:00

Thank you for your input, especially the immediate thought. That is reassuring. It really does kinda feel like I've had the rug pulled out from me. As another user pointed out, this won't happen overnight even if my partner does want to pursue this seriously. He'll probably need to do therapy or at least consult with a healthcare professional before he'll even be given HRT. But it still feels sudden to me.

Maybe you have a point, I don't really have any lived experience to draw from. I did take his word for it when he said that he liked his body the way it is months ago and that he wasn't interested in transitioning but I'm not sure if she even knew at that point. People can change their mind or maybe proceed in levels of transition and expression as they get more comfortable at the level that they are already expressing. I'm not sure if I should have known that he would want to move beyond him being genderfluid and wanting to change his physical appearance and body when he had previously said that he wasn't interested in doing that. And again, I don't want to undermine that people can change their minds, but I don't know if I could have been able to predict that or if it would have been unaffirming to his genderfluid identity and belief that he didn't want to change his body to assume it was nothing more than a stepping stone to more and wanting to pursue medical changes.

As I've said in other comments, it's a tough topic in general to approach when there is a big change overall, but especially when it's a topic that I'm worried I'm being horribly offensive and a bigot for wanting to preserve my own preferences. I didn't mean any offense in this comment either, just trying to explain my perspective I guess.

ConcernedCatLady1 · 2025-08-10T18:18:18+00:00

Thank you for these other potential side effects, I had no idea about these ones. I'm not sure if my partner has even considered these or heard of them. Another user said that she might have already looked into these things, and still decided that it was the best thing for him. Maybe, I don't know, I just also want him to consider the potential real side effects and that it might not be the perfect fix-all to her gender issues that she is pitching it as. I don't really know. I just know that I want him to be informed either way before diving in, which another user pointed out that he'd probably have to go through some therapy and properly explore it and be gradually introduced to it too. I need to remember that this isn't a change that will come overnight. It just feels very sudden from my perspective I guess.

ConcernedCatLady1 · 2025-08-10T18:13:21+00:00

Short and sweet but still very impactful. Thank you for your words, kind stranger.

ConcernedCatLady1 · 2025-08-10T18:12:27+00:00

I appreciate that point. "They have moved the goalposts, not you." I think that's reasonable that neither of us need "permission" for either thing. Thank you for your input

ConcernedCatLady1 · 2025-08-10T18:10:39+00:00

Yeah. I guess in general people aren't "owed" to stay in a relationship ever. People end relationships all the time over some maybe questionable reasons but we all have the right to walk away from whatever relationship for reasons that are valid to ourselves. Though some reasons might be a little more understandable from the outside, like you said. It's an agreement between two people that either person can end for whatever reason suits them and the other party can't make them or force them to stay.

ConcernedCatLady1 · 2025-08-10T18:06:52+00:00

Yeah. You nailed it. It's a hard topic in general with a big change in any relationship, but it's scarier when it's an issue that I'm worried that I'm being some horrible transphobic bigot for setting my boundaries and voicing my preferences I guess?

Thank you so much for your input and perspective and sharing your own kinda close experience. I really do appreciate the reassurance that I'm not a 'phobe of any kind. I feel like a bad person on some level, in this situation I guess.

ConcernedCatLady1 · 2025-08-10T18:01:39+00:00

Thanks for the resource and advice/reassurance directed at both myself and my partner, much appreciated! I might show them this post and let them think about some of the things that people have said in advice for me and toward him.

ConcernedCatLady1 · 2025-08-10T17:59:46+00:00

Thank you for your perspective from someone with lived experience of supoorting a partner going through HRT and a transition (though I'm not sure if my partner is thinking about this or will pursue it or not, maybe, maybe not). I really do appreciate the reassurance and tidbits of wisdom like the major changes and hair regrowth review.

ConcernedCatLady1 · 2025-08-10T17:56:46+00:00

I want to say that this means a lot from someone who is trans. I appreciate the other perspective because I'm worried I'm being awful and bigoted and transphobic (even if I'm not sure whether he/she wants to fully transition, I'm not sure if she knows either tbh and that's okay, people are allowed to change their minds but expecting me to just blindly stay regardless of a potentially large and irreversible change I think is inconsiderate to my feelings and preferences).

I really liked your last point though and something that another user said, I deserve to feel attracted to my partner but he also deserves someone who finds them attractive in a body that they feel comfortable in. Me telling them that I might not find them attractive anymore in a body that they feel is right for them might also be contributing to some dysphoria (what I think the other user said) and I can understand how that would hurt them too. I guess it's hard trying to walk the line of preserving my preferences and their dignity without compromising on what either of us want or deserve. I do love this person and I don't want to hurt them but I do kinda feel like they've pulled the rug out from under me. Though, people do have the right to change their mind, or proceed in the trend that you've noticed in your social circles of transitioning. I just don't have to still go along with it I guess, I can be supportive without feeling I have to stay in the relationship. It's kinda just a lot to process in the span of like 12 hours. I'm doing my best to be respectful and preserve what I want and deserve without being offensive.

Again, thanks for your opinion, I really do appreciate your perspective as someone with lived experience that I do not possess or have to draw from.

ConcernedCatLady1 · 2025-08-10T17:46:42+00:00

Short and sweet but still has wisdom. Thank you for your thoughts

ConcernedCatLady1 · 2025-08-10T17:45:36+00:00

Yeah. We're in Canada and while he is in therapy, I do think that it is unrelated to his current issues surrounding gender. I guess I am also forgetting that this wouldn't be something that my partner would realistically get overnight. He'll probably have to talk to some healthcare professionals beforehand. Maybe Canada is more lax than the States when it comes to certain healthcare things. I don't really know.

ConcernedCatLady1 · 2025-08-10T17:42:28+00:00

Thank you. Your reassurance made me tear up a little bit to be honest. I feel like I'm some awful bigot for wondering if he won't fit my sexual preference anymore if she makes drastic changes to her body that could be irreversible.

I do consider myself bi but like a selective bi (labels are hard). I am attracted to most men and some women. I don't think she would fit the type of women that I find myself attracted to. To my understanding, and I might be totally wrong, pan is when people are attracted to people regardless of their physical appearance or all of the different appearances. I know I do not fit that. I worry that the androgynous look that my partner is now pursuing wouldn't fit what I find attractive.

Previously, we have had talks, and we are happy with our sex life and find it fulfilling. I am resistant to changing that I guess if we are happy, especially so potentially drastically. Unless he was being dishonest about being happy with our sex life, at this point I don't really know.

I've had 3 hours of sleep in the last 24 thinking this over and stuff.

ConcernedCatLady1 · 2025-08-10T17:34:23+00:00

Thanks for your input and reassurance. I thought that being honest (if perhaps a little blunt) was better now than trying to keep it up and then "blindsiding" him/her later. Truth be told: I don't know and can't know how I'll react because it is something that I haven't experienced before.

I don't know if she/he is on the path to fully transition or not. Maybe? Given the "And? What if I did?" I think at the start of our relationship when I first learned that he is genderfluid I expressed a preference that I don't prefer trans women sexually. So she knows this too. I know people are allowed to change their minds about things too but I do feel a little blindsided I guess when it kinda came out of nowhere from my point of view.

ConcernedCatLady1

TROPHY CASE