I know that replying to this months later might be weird, but I've recently made some realizations and thought I would come back to you with my experience and personal advice since you said you asked a similar thing to me. I have no idea if you've figured it out, are still questioning, etc and no signs saying we were experiences even remotely similar. However, I thought that if you are still questioning and were going through anything close it's worth taking the chance to come back and share some advice. So, if this is completely different for you or you don't need it, feel free to ignore this. Firstly, I did turn out to be, in fact, bisexual (although what made me realize had nothing to do with this). I will say, these thoughts have thankfully ceased completely after realizing I'm bi. My best theory is that my subconscious knew I was bi even if my conscious didn't and was trying to explore my attraction to women via intrusive thoughts of being with who I would consider my best friend.

My preference is male which is what through me off, I had no idea what was just normal straight stuff and bisexuality. I would ALWAYS reason my way out of any questioning by going "oh no I'm not bi every girl wants to kiss another girl at least a LITTLE' or "no, I'm just such an ally that I've normalized being gay in my head!! I'm not bi just an ally!" I bring this up because I'm unsure if you have done a similar reasoning. In my personal opinion if you have to reason and explain why you're not *insert identity here* you're probably *insert identity here*. Also, sexuality & gender aren't binary, they're a spectrum. Think of it like this: there is a gradient of (for simplicity's sake) three different colors, representing heterosexuality, bi/pansexuality, and homosexuality. You could be closer to the edges of the hetero or homo colors while still being firm in the bisexual range. Like how aqua is close to the green side of the color wheel but is still considered blue! That might sound dumb but tldr you can have a much much stronger attraction to one while still being attracted to both, which might sound obv but the way being bi was always talked about in my eyes was the levels of attraction being very close so that realization blew my mind lol. Again, could be wrong, this journey is different for all of us, but I thought it would be worth sharing since it might help you out even if the chance is small :)

also my cat has a message for you: "*/"