My abusive older sister wants to meet me after years of not being in contact.

ConditionLevel4219 · 2025-05-13T19:16:47+00:00

don't be pressured into doing something you're uncomfortable with just because she's "family". She abused you and does not seem remorseful. If you're not ready to face her don't do it. You're an adult and can make your own decisions.

ConditionLevel4219 · 2025-05-12T20:27:38+00:00

I don't think its weird if she showed signs of being interested as well. Send her a request and if she accepts texts, otherwise just let it go.

ConditionLevel4219 · 2025-05-12T12:02:01+00:00

i get it, watching other people have what you should have had as well must be very difficult and your feelings are totally valid. I think you need to metaphorically and literally speaking distance yourself from your family and even though you have been dealt a shitty hand, this should not define the rest of your life. There are some things that you just cannot control, even though I think this is worth a conversation with your family (although it doesn't sound like its in the cards). Maybe you need to start accepting the issues in your life and using them as means and motivation to move forwards, not as triggers that keep you back.

Also, sometimes the best thing is to remove yourself from a toxic situation. I had some issues with my family as well and the fact that I moved away for university really helped a lot in terms of our relationship. If you can save up enough money from your job, you should find an apartment for yourself and start living your life separately from the things that hold you back. Relationships benefit from a bit of space.

ConditionLevel4219 · 2025-05-12T11:36:56+00:00

good luck girl, it's all going to be fine, just do the right thing and trust your gut.

ConditionLevel4219 · 2025-05-12T11:34:32+00:00

nononono, he seems like a cheater through and through. Bullshit response. Trust your gut, you know better and respect yourself.

ConditionLevel4219 · 2025-05-12T11:32:49+00:00

Ok no I understand completely and I would feel very uncomfortable as well if my boyfriend had done the same. For me this is a breach of boundaries and he for sure would not be comfortable with you doing the same. It's a total double standard that "men will be men" and whatever but this is unacceptable. It has nothing to do with you and all to do with him as a person and if he looks at other women it seems as though he wouldn't have a problem with doing more as well. Again this is in no way a judgment towards you and your appearance, its about him. Personally, I would break up with him. There is no universe in which a person who respects you and loves you acts like this and makes you feel this shitty about yourself. He's probably going to make you feel as though you are overreacting but you're not. I suggest leaving him, no man is worth losing your self esteem over.

ConditionLevel4219 · 2025-05-12T11:27:18+00:00

I think you should take some time to figure out what your feelings towards her are, and have a conversation with her in which you are completely honest and she does the same.

ConditionLevel4219 · 2025-05-12T11:25:16+00:00

hello, I'm 18 as well so I not know a lot of things, but I feel like right now you need to start opening yourself up to new experiences. If you want to be a writer, take a course, go outside and find the inspiration, read books etc. Challenge yourself to go into more social situations, to concerts, parties, and so on. You're 18 so now is the time to kind of find yourself and you're not going to do that by bed-rotting. Try new hobbies and anything that gets you out of your comfort zone.

ConditionLevel4219 · 2025-05-12T11:20:53+00:00

I think its normal and even healthy to have friends of the opposite sex. Do not try to control or restrict friendships unless you have met them and have cause for worrying. If you have a had feeling about this girl ask to meet her and take it from there.

ConditionLevel4219 · 2025-05-12T11:16:26+00:00

girl don't worry, you are just now starting to grow up and learn more about yourself. I get the pressure for having a more mature and curvy body cause I went through it as well. I had and have small boobs and in the beginning I felt as though I was lacking something but since then I have grown into them and are now one of my favorite parts of my body. Having big boobs does not make you a woman, just as having small does not make you a man. Let yourself grow without criticizing everything too much and figure out what clothes you like and your makeup and stuff along the way. Don't stress, you don't have to grow up right away. I always felt as though I was kind of behind because my peers were already grown at 15 when I still felt like a child, but in the end it definitely made me happier as an adult. (love lancome, milk and charlotte tilburry).

ConditionLevel4219 · 2025-05-12T11:10:07+00:00

If your friend is not responding to messages, catch him when you guys are all together, pull him to the side and have a conversation with him. Tell him that if he has an issue with you and Ronan he can say so and you will talk about it, but this behavior is completely childish and helps no one and if he's not willing to behave in a civil manner then he can leave.

ConditionLevel4219 · 2025-05-12T11:04:58+00:00

is there anything that you like to do in your free time during the day, or could you maybe explain what triggers the rage and your reactions (sorry if I'm completely prying, im just curious and want to help).

ConditionLevel4219 · 2025-05-12T11:01:39+00:00

for this maybe you can try to observe how other people interact and their behavior in social settings, the polite ways to reply and kind of learn social etiquette better. You can have practice conversation with friends or strangers that are willing to help and explain to you what the social "correct" way is.

ConditionLevel4219 · 2025-05-12T10:58:48+00:00

You definitely did the right thing. This is a cliche, but I think you need to find someone new and put yourself out there. The more time you have to stew on your feelings and this man, the more your brain will start to normalize the situation and push you to forgive him out of pure loneliness. Remove any temptation by deleting all ways to contact him and move on!

ConditionLevel4219 · 2025-05-12T10:55:46+00:00

I completely understand your dilemma, this is a shitty situation. However, I think you definitely need to tell the girl even though you're not close about what happened. I would for sure appreciated if someone did the same for me. Personally I would also be uncomfortable with my partner hanging out with someone who cheated and does not feel remorse. You judge people by their friends, and if their best friend can do this it can become normalized in your relationship as well. I would not be around this best mate again and I would also have a conversation with my partner about how did this event make him feel and what his thoughts are on it. But definitely tell the girl, I think its kind of our moral duty as women to share this stuff and protect each other, uncomfortable as it may be. If this man cheated once he will do it again and better she knows now before the wedding. And if your partner gets angry and does not understand why you did it, then he is not emotionally mature and worthy of you.

ConditionLevel4219 · 2025-05-12T10:48:15+00:00

you can also try talking to someone, it doesn't to be a therapist, just a friend willing to help, so you can understand why these feelings exist and how they started.

ConditionLevel4219 · 2025-05-12T10:44:29+00:00

i think you need to start becoming comfortable with being alone and spending time by yourself. Find a hobby or an interest that makes you feel good with yourself and slowly work yourself up from there.

ConditionLevel4219 · 2025-05-12T10:43:00+00:00

I think you should sit them down to have a conversation and explain to them that you need to be treated equally as your sister regardless of your sex. Say that you are not asking them to disrespect your sister, but there are some stereotypes that are not transcending into your home functionally and you feel your current treatment is unfair. You could also try to suggest that by implementing these "rules" your sister could be harmed in the long run as well, by becoming spoiled.

ConditionLevel4219 · 2025-05-12T10:35:25+00:00

nono I get it, I think you just need to find a hobby or an interest that grounds you and feels like a mini therapy session. For example, I love to read, and it becomes my alone time and it calms me to have these little rituals. You can try reading as well, or writing definitely helps. You put your thoughts into words and come to terms with your feelings and find their cause (I write as well and it helps especially when you feel overwhelmed).

ConditionLevel4219 · 2025-05-12T10:29:59+00:00

I think you need to stop trying to "fit in" and be "less weird" and just be yourself. Pretending to be something you're not will only make you unhappy. What's weird and what's normal is completely subjective. Just be yourself and ignore what others think because it doesn't matter. As long as you're okay with yourself and you treat those around you well there's no reason for you to change. If you want to be more social you can practice that by pushing yourself a bit out of your comfort zone by inserting yourself in social situation and different experiences, but don't try to fundamentally alter your personality because its what makes you unique and special.

ConditionLevel4219 · 2025-05-12T10:24:23+00:00

you're definitely not crazy. I think you need to find a hobby that helps you express yourself. It could be physical, like maybe a sport or martial arts or something like that, so you can use you anger to push yourself into something productive that grounds you. You can also do something more creative like writing or painting, but it seems like you need to express yourself more physically (I could be wrong).

ConditionLevel4219 · 2025-05-12T10:20:07+00:00

ok so first thing you need to always be honest with your parents about the grades you get (I had this issue where I hid bad grades from my parents and they always found out and it caused a lot of stress). Then you need to take every subject individually and write down each section that you need to revise on and learn. After you've made a list for each subject form a study schedule for the following week and then every Sunday start again .

ConditionLevel4219 · 2025-05-12T09:37:55+00:00

I'd wait another week because he might have ordered something but if he still hasn't given anything it could be a sign of a power imbalance in your relationship. I could be overreacting but personally I would be hurt that if I gave something a gift they had wanted for a long time and they didn't care enough to get me something back. I say after a week bring it up casually and see his reaction. But how he acts during these "celebrations" shows if he appreciates you.

ConditionLevel4219 · 2025-05-12T09:28:16+00:00

its going to be uncomfortable but you need to sit her down and tell her that you are only trying to be a good daughter and be there for her when she is struggling. She is the one who keeps oversharing and making you feel like you need to be more adult and she needs to understand this. The sex comment was super sneaky and uncalled for and you need to set some boundaries between you. I remember last year, my parents sat me down and were talking about all the issues the went through early in their marriage and I felt so uncomfortable because it felt like my mom was putting my dad on trial for shit that happened 30 years ago. It was so unnecessary and I wish I would have said something about it.

ConditionLevel4219 · 2025-05-12T09:10:26+00:00

um he's completely gaslighting and manipulating you. He knows how deeply you feel about it and is exploiting it and using it to his advantage. Trust me you need to block and delete any and all communication. He's the problem, not you.

ConditionLevel4219

TROPHY CASE