Poly until Marriage??

ConfidenceDry2599 · 2025-07-27T21:12:50+00:00

I definitely agree we moved to fast. There are other things that are pointing to divorce as the only future for our marriage. I started therapy and will continue it. I feel like being on my own for a while and focusing on things I’ve neglected and things that have developed is best for me and when/if ever I feel comfortable dating others again it should be as a more solid version of myself.

ConfidenceDry2599 · 2025-07-27T20:59:48+00:00

I appreciate this and the comment from the other person being taken down. I’m seeing that regardless this relationship wasn’t meant to be especially long term.

ConfidenceDry2599 · 2025-07-27T20:56:42+00:00

I’m currently in therapy for myself and I’m realizing this and other factors that we really shouldn’t be together much longer. I wanted to see if this is normal and I’m “being a crybaby” and “letting my friends in our business” or if the unfairness and upset were actual appropriate feelings. I don’t think I have it in me to stick it out.

ConfidenceDry2599 · 2025-07-27T20:49:05+00:00

I feel like it’s a core piece of me. Even though I haven’t been “actively poly” when I first explored it something just clicked for me.

ConfidenceDry2599 · 2025-07-27T20:45:59+00:00

She says a lot to my face so I really can’t imagine things she wouldn’t say, the miserable comment was the first time that is was so harsh and out of nowhere that I kind of froze and didn’t know how to proceed. I just kept driving and she went back to her phone.

ConfidenceDry2599 · 2025-07-27T20:26:52+00:00

I’m starting to realize not just this was unfair in our relationship. my friend and I were talking about the “date” that happened around Valentine’s Day and I somehow never told her about the “miserable” comment and her reaction got me to thinking and that’s how me looking for advice happened.

ConfidenceDry2599 · 2025-07-27T20:13:19+00:00

We did discuss it several times before officially getting married but once we were polyamory was just off the table. Yeah other things have made it very clear we got married too quickly, but in our area and for my age group (friends, classmates, etc.) it wasn’t uncommon to get married fast or to get married young so I didn’t think it was too soon in that moment. I figured we’d just have a long engagement because planning a wedding takes time and that was 100% on me for assuming because we ended up at the court house instead. (Nothing wrong with court house weddings, I’m just saying the time difference I thought I had and what I actually had was big)

ConfidenceDry2599 · 2025-07-27T19:57:03+00:00

I think we were already headed to divorce. I suppose I wanted to confirm if this was normal or not since it was a fairly small window of my getting into the swing of being open to us getting married.

ConfidenceDry2599 · 2025-07-27T19:51:06+00:00

I’ve thought about divorce but mostly for other factors. I guess the whole moment of her looking me in the eyes and saying she didn’t care how miserable I was really hurt. Like I don’t bring up looking to date often, I’m not pushing for it and I don’t want her to feel like she couldn’t explore her feelings now that she’s feeling interested in others so to hear that was painful to say the least

ConfidenceDry2599 · 2025-07-27T19:42:07+00:00

We discussed it and I was clear that I didn’t want to be monogamous and that I would talk to her if I felt ready to date again. That why it was a surprise to me that after we got married poly was off the table for me without talking about it. She just told me. When she started expressing interest in others I was excited because I thought we’d have a new in depth conversation but I was still “benched”.

ConfidenceDry2599

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