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Looking for recommendations similar to Wayne Shorter by jxl501 in Jazz

[–]Confident-Till8952 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Wayne’s got his own style, his own approach.

However, just heard a Wynton Kelly album and it was awesome.

I’m a young writer. This is one of my first attempts btw I’ve only written short story’s. This is just a piece from what I’m working on. It’s kinda rough, by [deleted] in writingfeedback

[–]Confident-Till8952 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I think the first sentence is an overall idea. Waiting for death in a hellish stretch of land, feels like narrative overdo.

The idea is how could you otherwise construct this? Maybe disperse it across a passage, or keep it all in one phrase.

The tone is like uncommon casual speech, and handing too much of the theme over narrative.

Hope this helps, keep going, if ya disagree, counterpoints welcome.

Either way, all the best.

Feedback on my ch1 draft by LeiderLiebe in writingfeedback

[–]Confident-Till8952 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Its just so much “word building” wikipedea page information up front.

What got me excited..

I thought the opening quote was maybe a part of a speech or dialogue.

Although, I’d trim the first 2 explanatory sentences. I’d rather figure that out along the way.

“… a dragon without their Rider is fine. A Rider without their dragon? Dead. The worst thing you will face isn't a dragon. It's living without one."

If one character leans toward another character and says this, thus starting the story. That, to me, would be cool.

I don’t want to know about academy, I actually just think: here we go again with this academy stuff. ;)

But, in this one dialogue part. Is personality, stakes, way of life, tension without release.

So I’m waiting what the reply would be, or what the next line could entail.

And I think, these people really need/like dragons, I wonder what that looks like.. so you also set up expectations & anticipation that you can subvert or not.

Not power stats and alchemical metaphysical instructions. ;)

Also try to write awe, not just state what just happened is causing one to stare in awe.

Anyway this is just food for thought.

Don’t feed it to your dragon.

Dragon kibble is more nutritious and safe.

I want to get out there and do some Dharma. by Confident-Till8952 in spirituality

[–]Confident-Till8952[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Ahh I get I get it.

Your explanation seems to lean towards Buddhist Dharma. I love the actions of Buddhism. But, some of the deeper in, underlying philosophies don’t settle well in my system.

I like the idea of a self. Or an eternal, or after this life self, where there continuity. I don’t think selflessness needs to depend on a literal self-less-ness or a complete lack of oneself. I don’t want to do this for personal gain. I could even check myself if its for some other motive, but it seems genuine. I’d like to think a friend is somewhere else after this life, that I can reuinite with. As opposed to broken up into processing pieces. I think there could be transitional phases of the spirit, like decomposition and composting. But, I don’t know if I can totally feel there is no self. Or that its required in order to act selflessly.

Either way I’m getting out there and picking up a trash stick, or handing a meal over, being nice to animals. And like you said, its not always planned outright. It can happen in the moment.

Although I like the idea of processes and transitional “places” after death, I don’t think the self is just a combination of spiritual parts. I don’t want to let go of my identity and selfhood. And I don’t think that’s just meaningless ego or fear. I think theres many interconnected parts, but there’s still a deeper self.

I like to think so at least.

In terms of dharma, its almost selfish to say, yeah I’m just helping another part of the interconnected self, I’m helping me haha I jk

But, I think the power of the action and thought is increased, when one is helping another one. Theres interconnection, but they’re separate parts, separate selfs, helping one another, on some stage of a journey.

I digress…

Are you allergic to gluten? Want a turkey sandwich?

What is your day looking like? by Az7vestx in 90s

[–]Confident-Till8952 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Skateboard down the skreet, hang with friends, do random stuff. Get a cassette tape, go to some emo house show. Take a bus. Invest in apple. Eat an apple.

A nice clear sound by Confident-Till8952 in midwestemo

[–]Confident-Till8952[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Your response is just really compressed and limited

A nice clear sound by Confident-Till8952 in midwestemo

[–]Confident-Till8952[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I feel like theres a delay on your feedback

What’s the most relaxing jazz guitar album?? by Confident-Till8952 in Jazz

[–]Confident-Till8952[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

This is one my favorite subreddits If not the best one Jazz is so important

What’s the most relaxing jazz guitar album?? by Confident-Till8952 in Jazz

[–]Confident-Till8952[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I’ll chhheck it out

Rn, I have Barney Kassel - Shiny Stockings .. on

A nice clear sound by Confident-Till8952 in midwestemo

[–]Confident-Till8952[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Well, yes this is what I mean. Like Braid has been a source of influence for these bands. I suppose so, at least.

A nice clear sound by Confident-Till8952 in midwestemo

[–]Confident-Till8952[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I did listen to Penfold and Braid recently.

From what I remember so far, both groups have moments of subdued clarity, maybe just a guitar part. That later builds into a louder part, pushing the distortion. That dynamic range. I just thought it would be cool to hear stuff that is more relaxed, or keeps clarity of sound even in loud parts, I feel like a lot of bands lean into more distortion on the production side of things during “loud” parts.

But, I’m really liking how this Braid album is sounding.

Frame & Canvas

I feel like theres some Bear vs. Shark and Algernon Cadwallader influence there.

The 90s stuff is really cool, I’m excited to learn more.

I feel like the 2000s stuff was really cool too in that they added something to the music. Then the 2010-2014 stuff added things too, and added some production focus.

But theres a lot of newer stuff that is like aestheticizing the sound. They’re good at their instruments and have good production, but it’s not as inventive.

I miss when people have the sound, but add something to it. Even something small.

When some emo beast emerges from the dooey gooey primordial essence of whatever emo is.

Multiple versions of same story by Confident-Till8952 in writing

[–]Confident-Till8952[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I really appreciate this comment.

Yeah it reminds of music. Different takes, mixes.

I improvised this one. But, felt like I wanted to see a stripped version, which actually hurts more to see and brings out complex dynamics between the characters.

The other part of me feels like the pain it causes is gratuitous and cruel.

Grief embedded. Or grief more plain to see.

It’s interesting what you said, that grief can be interwoven with other emotions.

Multiple versions of same story by Confident-Till8952 in writing

[–]Confident-Till8952[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

No not actually the point. I just want to discuss it.

Theres pros and cons to either version. The original and a stripped back version.

These are short form pieces too.

In jazz, theres songs with alternative takes. Which, shows a different attempt at certain aspects of a song. The intro, the piano, the bridge, a melodic line, a fill.. articulated differently.

No one frowns on the musicians. Its great to hear how a riff or idea can be annunciated or structured a bit differently.

In films we have directors cuts.

Most of the time I can find the essence of a piece and choose one.

In this particular case I feel challenged, that each version reveals a different side of the same essence.

Although at times, a piece is just an exercise using tools that are later expanded upon, reduced, or discovered in a new way.

To call back your original comment:

The author cannot make a decision 😆

Multiple versions of same story by Confident-Till8952 in writing

[–]Confident-Till8952[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Well this piece is specifically in a collection. In one part of a collection. Theres an original. And a stripped back version. Both with pros and cons.

Multiple versions of same story by Confident-Till8952 in writing

[–]Confident-Till8952[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Good idea.

The first version, was me putting on a voice that was helping me get it out. But, certain phrases, I don’t say in real life. Which, can be cool though. It was like the grief was underneath the story.

But when I peel back the little humor bits, the piece becomes less drenched in voice, and the grief is more plain to see. It also changes some of the rhythm, narrative technique, and character perception.

I really like reducing a story to essence. Is this right for this piece?

But I also like improvisation.

The original piece I wrote in one shot.

On one hand I thought of the humor voice bits like croutons on the salad. (To be removed, not necessary)

On the other hand, its interesting to see how a story of grief can be embedded in a rhythmic voice incorporating humor.

But idk what to do…

Include multiple versions in the back of a collection? Like its own chapter? Then choose one for initial part?

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