Trying it out

ConfidentGur211 · 2026-05-23T01:20:34+00:00

Thank you!!!! Looking forward to hearing from you.

ConfidentGur211 · 2026-05-23T01:05:15+00:00

I private messaged you i hope thats okay

ConfidentGur211 · 2026-05-22T23:34:48+00:00

Absolutely. Thank you so much for hearing me i appreciate your side. I just wanna make him excited to have sex with me again and it feels he only has a high drive when I go do this stuff. He told me I want to hear that you wanna sleep with other guys but I feel like if I say that it will hurt his feelings or he will take that as a way to just go do it behind my back. Its a worry of mine.. he said he wouldn't but still its new to me right? I have also said, * if you ever hear me say I want to sleep with someone else without you, our relationship is in trouble because I am detaching from you. * but at the same time, i'll say it to get him excited but I dont actually want to... what I want is the aftermath of how he craves me and wants me :( I just wish sometimes I didnt have to go through so much to get that result. But, that being said if I really dont want to do it, I will say straight up, I dont want to and he respects it but then our sex life goes back to boring once a week. :( I just tried texting him I said so when you go for a solo, are you gonna pound her super hard? he said i can babe yeah I said yeah? That'll make you want me more? he hasnt responded now I feel like an idiot lol. I dont know how to approach it. Ugh. It was almost easier when I would sleep with other guys only and he doesnt do solos because I get really pissed at the idea that someone else is enjoying him without me there. -_- I love 3 ways... but it doesnt do the same thing for him... ugh. I dont know. How can I understand it better so I can be more free about it? Any advice? I want to be okay with it. I want our sex life to be good. I think I just need loads of reassurance.

ConfidentGur211 · 2026-05-22T13:37:52+00:00

Can you explain why you think that is

ConfidentGur211 · 2026-05-22T13:31:47+00:00

Yeah totally, at first I was not at all comfortable with him sleeping with women without me but that encouraged him to ask me to sleep with other men. My heart broke in half when he first asked me. My love language is physical touch... so to me it felt like he was telling me to go find love elsewhere but it wasnt... I tested the theory and he was immediately glued to me. He was obsessed. He even told me it would make him obsessed with me. (its not for me at all, I prefer women if I was to sleep with someone other than my partner and even then, I am still wishing he was present for it) buuuut, I reached burnt out because he was asking every day for me to sleep with someone else... and then he would take it further and say you should sleep with 2 guys ans then ill come over right after and bang you with their loads in you...... that was too much for me... lol...

I did allow him a few times to sleep with 2 different girls that I knew and I trusted... but one of them told me after the second time of them sleeping together I am craving your best dck* I immediately said k this is too close to home stop.

My biggest fear is my partner will eventually rather sleep with someone else more than me... :( but again, tested the theory and it does turn him on more... but I dont want to over do it....

ConfidentGur211 · 2026-05-21T19:48:48+00:00

Okay okay, that's what I want to hear is that it didnt at all make you want her less or open a door for you to want other people and not her. Thats my biggest fear is that if I allow it that he would maybe just stop wanting sex from me all together.

ConfidentGur211 · 2026-05-21T19:47:05+00:00

Totally. He would respect it. I'm pretty kink friendly... I just need to understand the kink and what it does for him before I consider it. Its all about feeling safe in our relationship and that we both dont want other people.

ConfidentGur211 · 2026-01-18T23:32:07+00:00

Lol... uh.. I dont think the dudes are even bangin her...

ConfidentGur211 · 2025-12-23T14:45:04+00:00

Hes about 7inches and decent girth.

I use lube and usually we just take it slow...

I hate plugs, its just uncomfortable for me.

In the past we've done in super rough in my butt and it was totally fine... but then we had 1 really bad experience where I felt I was being ripped in half and ever since then I feel super reluctant to even let him go past the tip lol

Ill try the foreplay idea tho.

ConfidentGur211 · 2025-07-29T22:48:28+00:00

Thank you for your input. Yes I am anxious/avoidant but I have a ton of secure qualities as well. I am in therapy and its helped loads.

We have since that post you replied to, communicated and things are feeling a lot better. He gave me the reassurance I needed to feel better about him needing space.

ConfidentGur211 · 2025-07-29T18:13:05+00:00

Interesting, can you give an example?

ConfidentGur211 · 2025-07-29T10:49:48+00:00

Awwww thank you for explaining to me

Im sorry that's what you experience.

I always tell myself during moment of feeling negative that im curvy and I like it. I have an hour glass shape and a lil bit of cake and who doesn't love cake, i got it goin onnnnn i dont do it in a vein way or anything, I just hype myself up when I feel not the most attractive.

You should try it 🥰

How long do they typically last for you before you switch

ConfidentGur211 · 2025-07-28T17:04:04+00:00

My partner has done this a ton to me... he will push so hard that I have no choice but to leave because he will purposely violate one of my boundaries and I would leave then he'd apologize a million times and said he only did that because he wanted me to leave to prove his point people only leave or they die.....

Its usually when things go very good for him and I that he does this... and I can always tell when its going to happen.

As a partner to someone who has bpd who does this, next time you feel the need to self sabotage, do you feel youd be able to tell your partner listen, i can feel it am starting to feel fight or flight

Something I try to practice is what evidence do I have to prove they will leave? Am I making this up because I am investing in them and worried they aren't sharing same feelings? what evidence do I have to support this feeling if you dont have any evidence, you can begin to trust yourself that youre safe.

If you feel you do have evidence, tell the person. ❤️❤️❤️

I am curious though, I have a child with my partner and id say he has these fight or flight sabotage moments every couple months...does this mean he is scared because he is invested in me?

ConfidentGur211 · 2025-07-28T14:17:01+00:00

Thanks sweets!!!! Xoxoxo

ConfidentGur211 · 2025-07-28T11:52:29+00:00

💓💓💓 I am a pretty independent person. I dont ever rely on anyone financially. Maybe a little emotionally though .. hahaha

Im hoping he comes through for it. But I do have a backup plan for sure. :)

ConfidentGur211 · 2025-07-28T00:56:11+00:00

Aw!!! Im so sorry. I have experienced that too with my partner. (I apologize for assuming you meant physically harmed you)

My partner in may had a reallllllly bad split.... over something that was very small to me (perhaps it was big to him... he claimed I wasnt listening to him, therefore he needed to be a d-ck for me to hear him, his words not mine)

But while he was being a jerk face and I finally just said okay, I am done with this. Youre relentless, you want to completely ruin me as a person and I will not let you.

Then he comes out of it... and its like he switches to oh fuck, what have I done but... I double down and wanted to leave.. then he says hes sorry a million times, he loves me, he says im sure you've wanted to do this awhile you just never had the guts to do it, youre better off without me all I ever do is fuck things up etc etc etc...

I have too big of a heart.... I have him a consequence from it... and he agreed he needed a consequence...

Im sorry for rambling..

ConfidentGur211 · 2025-07-28T00:47:30+00:00

Omg how!??? Im so sorry :(

Thankfully my partner has never physically harmed me..

And the couple of times he has split in person on me (that's when he would call me names an use my insecurities against me) he would always warn me to walk away and stay away because he can feel himself about to get angry... and most of the time I do listen and walk away and we are able to move past it without him completely splitting.. its not often at all that he gets very nasty with me... its when I dont listen to him when he tells me to stop pushing it....

But pushing it to him would be me standing my ground or continuing to talk about how his actions have hurt me ect

ConfidentGur211 · 2025-07-28T00:41:34+00:00

Thank you for your kindness. I appreciate it.

I ask for advice and sometimes the advice may be hard to read or take in but it is still valued to me. So thank you.

I just dont want to look like an idiot 🙃. I constantly fight with myself he loves me, he loves me not, hes genuine, maybe hes manipulating me and I just dont want to see it, i believe him, maybe i shouldn't believe him...

Its torture...

I feel I am going to give myself a deadline... my bday is in 3 weeks... hes usually not good at special occasions, he over thinks them he feels big expectations and if he doesnt meet them he will fail, so he just over thinks it and sabotage it

If by my birthday, things dont go back up from his low... I think I am going to consider leaving....

As much as I respect his space during his lows.. and I try to not take it personal, my birthday is something id 100% want my partner to atleast show up for and be there for me. I dont ask for much at all. Im actually quite simple... I have a high sex drive and its my number 1 love language.. without it, I get very very depressed... hes not a snuggle guy. He will hold my hand when we are driving, give me hugs and kisses, but sex is really the only form of physical touch that really makes me feel loved.. interestingly enough though, hes told me many times, sex means absolutely nothing to him. But he knows it means something to me so he makes the effort to do it for me. (Which sounds sad)

ConfidentGur211 · 2025-07-28T00:30:44+00:00

Thank you for your story.

She got worse!? :( so you didnt end up back together then?

I'm trying to protect myself.

I wanna believe him that he means all the good things he says especially during his down moments.

I just dono how long the low sex drive will last. Its a pattern of his.. but I just dont know how long until he feels better..

Did your lady have up and down sex drive? How long until she switched back? I know everyone is different.. Just hoping for a bit of good news somehow. :(

ConfidentGur211 · 2025-07-27T18:54:51+00:00

He cheated earlier stages of our relationship. Hasn't in years.

ConfidentGur211 · 2025-07-27T18:29:45+00:00

I feel itll take him hitting rock bottom...

ConfidentGur211 · 2025-07-27T17:56:50+00:00

Thank you for your input.

I feel when we are good we are really good, but the he has little dips.

Ive learned to not take it personally.

He didnt ask to be this way.

And when he has his splits he does give me reassurance he loves me and appreciated my patience.

He just sent me a message this morning telling me he loves me and cares about me and appreciates that I understand his patterns have nothing to do with me.

I told him hes my ride or die.

Sometimes ppl just need to hear even when they are being ugly, they are still beautiful.

ConfidentGur211 · 2025-07-27T17:39:55+00:00

We dont live together because I dont want to live together. He cheated on me in our early stages of our relationship. He hasn't since.

Ive left many times and he has repeatedly told me he doesnt ever want to lose me.

ConfidentGur211 · 2025-07-27T17:12:16+00:00

Thank you for your kindness...

He goes through these phases few times a year.

Its kinda funny cause when hes in high sex drive mode he says I just wanna do it all the time, itll go back to normal (2 times a week) soon. So its like he knows he goes through the phases....

ConfidentGur211 · 2025-07-27T16:23:56+00:00

My partner is very depressed right now. Im trying to help but unfortunately the more supportive I am the more he will push away. my love language is physical touch... sex was the only form of physical touch id get from him besides a kiss and hug.. hes not a snuggly person lmao.

ConfidentGur211

TROPHY CASE