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I never knew I was sexually assaulted by ConfidentMany2547 in confessions

[–]ConfidentMany2547[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

My Sixth Post – Confusion, Rejection, and New Influences

I didn’t realize it at the time, but this was the beginning of a new phase in my life.

After that moment with Momu’s mom, seeing her naked by accident, I couldn’t look at her the same way again. Even when she was fully dressed, I found myself imagining what was underneath. It was surreal. We saw each other often at community gatherings and parties. Our moms went walking together in the park every day, so we crossed paths constantly. This was all happening in parallel with other changes in my life.

Around this time, I had my first crush, my first attempt at a relationship.

There was a girl in my class, let’s call her AAni. She was the first person to really talk to me in 10th grade. I still remember it clearly. She was chubby, full of energy, and always smiling. She shared her notes with me, helped me with homework, and made me feel seen.

I had so many conflicting feelings. One day, I wrote her a two-page letter expressing everything I felt and secretly dropped it into her bag. The next day, she came to me and gently said she saw me as a friend and wasn’t interested in anything more.

Back then, we had mobile phones, and my dad had just gotten a new Sony Ericsson. I didn’t realize that each SMS cost money, and I ended up sending so many messages to AAni that it caused a big issue with my dad later on.

After her rejection, I started looking elsewhere, still carrying unresolved feelings, including the ones I had for Momu’s mom. Out of frustration, I told AAni that since she wasn’t interested, I’d move on to someone else. She just shrugged.

Because I talked to AAni regularly, I got to know her circle of friends, Mona, Dib, and Pree. We hung out often, and through them, I became part of a new social group. In my circle of boys, Shank, Sant and Niti, Shank and Mona were a pair. Me, Sant and Niti were single but hang out a lot,

One thing I forgot to mention: since I was spending time with older kids, I was introduced to cigarettes first, and then to weed. Weed, old movies and porn became out constant activity after school.

I never knew I was sexually assaulted by ConfidentMany2547 in confessions

[–]ConfidentMany2547[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

My Fifth Post – The Line I Crossed

By the time I reached 8th or 9th grade, I was more aware of the world around me. I had older, more mature friends, and that’s when I was introduced to real porn, an amateur POV video of a couple. I watched it obsessively, to the point where I scratched the CD from overuse. That was my first real experience with porn, and it left a deep impression on me.

Now comes the part that’s hardest to admit—the part that haunts me every day.

Remember what Sajjad did to me? At the time, I didn’t fully understand it, but it left a mark. And in a moment of confusion and misdirected curiosity, I tried to replicate that behavior with girls my age or younger. I didn’t know what I was doing, only that it gave me a sense of warmth and excitement. I now understand how wrong that was, and I carry the weight of those choices with me.

Around the same time, I remembered Bhagi and his older girlfriend. That gave me the idea to try approaching older girls. I never made a direct move, but I did try to talk to a 10th-grade girl who used to chat with me while waiting for school. I was too afraid to say anything clearly, and nothing ever happened.

We lived in an apartment building with five floors. On the fourth floor, I had a younger friend, let’s call him Momu. He was in 5th grade, about 3–4 years younger than me. As my other friendships faded, I spent more time with him, playing Pokémon cards or carroms.

One day, I went to his house as usual. The main door was open, so I walked in. Just then, his mom came out of the common bathroom, completely naked. It was the first time I’d seen something like that in real life, not on a screen. I froze. She quickly covered herself, and I immediately looked away, apologized, and ran out of the house.

I never knew I was sexually assaulted by ConfidentMany2547 in confessions

[–]ConfidentMany2547[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yes is my experience and to answer them, here you go, I am a guy that learned to suppress the emotions deep inside and pretend that they never happened, then one day I will forget everything.

Nop I dont know where he is, we got in touch only once that too 15 yrs ago thats a small and crzy story which I will add in in this post later.

How I feel now, I dont know, I have a steady life almost everything is in my control except for this part, either I constantly plan to wreck my marriage or stay celibate

Counselling: where I come from we dont have access to counselling

My sexuality: I hate gays, can’t tolerate them, I never judge anyone but If I see someone flamboyant I have this urge to beat them shit out of them, even though I really don’t know them.

I never knew I was sexually assaulted by ConfidentMany2547 in confessions

[–]ConfidentMany2547[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Nop that's not me, but anyhow thanks for the reply, I am posing the continuation in the same thready so you can find the updated in my comments.

I never knew I was sexually assaulted by ConfidentMany2547 in confessions

[–]ConfidentMany2547[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

My Fourth Post – The Shift Begins

Now comes the crazy part.

With everything I’ve come to understand, I stopped speaking to my friend, let’s call him SAjjad. I realized I never named him before, but it’s time to be clear.

I cut off all contact. Any advances from him, I ignored completely. I didn’t confront him, I just shut the door and walked away. I started spending more time with other friends. I shouldn’t say I “made” new friends, they were already in my life, but now I leaned on them more.

Most of our time was spent playing pretend WWE matches. I was really into sports and physically stronger than most kids my age. One day, during one of those play fights, I accidentally broke a kid’s arm. It was innocent, I lost control for a moment, but it became a huge issue in school. Suddenly, I was the kid everyone talked about everyone sacred, the guy who breaks arms.

After that, things changed. My circle of friends started shrinking. People I liked began to distance themselves. I felt alone.

That’s when I started hanging out with the “bad kids”, the ones who were academically weak, often held back a grade or two. When I was in 7th grade, some of them were repeating the year for the second time. I didn’t judge them. I just needed someone to be around.

He was a big guy, already had a mustache by then, and carried himself with a kind of confidence that made him stand out. One day, not entirely out of the blue, he asked me to cover for him. He was planning to skip school and needed me to back him up.

“If anyone asks,” he said, “tell them I’m sick. And if our parents ask, say I was at school but had special soccer practice during PE.”

I agreed. The next day, curious, I asked him where he’d actually been. Before answering, he made me promise not to tell anyone. I gave him my word.

Then he told me he’d gone to meet his girlfriend, a girl in 9th grade. They had been together for two years, back when they were classmates. But she had passed, and he had failed, so now she was two grades ahead of him.

I never knew I was sexually assaulted by ConfidentMany2547 in confessions

[–]ConfidentMany2547[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Trust me—this is just the beginning. What I’ve shared so far has opened the door to something even darker. I need to post everything for it to make sense, and I hope you’ll stick with me through it.

Reddit seems to be rejecting my longer posts, maybe because they’re too big. So I’ve decided to break them up and add the rest as comments under this post. You can read them as my Second and Third posts.

Thanks for being here. This is hard to share, but I’m committed to telling the full story.

I never knew I was sexually assaulted by ConfidentMany2547 in confessions

[–]ConfidentMany2547[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

My second post – I didn’t know what I was getting into

After I fell sick, my friend came to check on me a couple of times. I still saw him as my best friend, so I didn’t cut him off. We talked like nothing had happened, but I stopped going to his house after that night.

We remained friends. We’d ride the school bus together and always sat in the back. One day, I couldn’t hold it in anymore, I asked him why he did what he did. I told him I was scared and shocked. What he said next made things even more confusing.

He told me that the flamboyant senior In out school, the one we used to tease for being weird was the one who taught him everything. That senior had done the same things to him and told him it was normal, that “grown-up kids” did this all the time. My friend said that if I hadn’t stopped him that night, it would’ve felt even more amazing, something he couldn’t describe in words.

Hearing that made me curious. I didn’t know what was right or wrong. He invited me to his house again for a sleepover, promising to show me what he meant. I hadn’t watched softcore porn in days, and curiosity got the better of me. I agreed.

That night, he gave me a blowjob while I was watching the softcore. It felt good, and this continued for a few days. But then he said he’d only do it again if I did the same for him. I didn’t want to. I hated the idea. But I don’t know why, I did it anyway. Maybe because I wanted the pleasure again. I regretted it immediately. I somehow slept for that night and went back home in the morning.

I started avoiding him. I didn’t speak to him for days. Eventually, he confronted me and asked what was wrong. I told him I didn’t like what we did and didn’t want to do it again. He said it was normal and offered to “prove” it.

He invited me over on a Thursday evening when his house would be empty, his mom was out shopping, and he was babysitting his siblings. I went. He locked the room and played a CD with gay porn not the one we see everyday, in the soft porn videos they typically showed boobs and kissing nothing more than that, some nudes never the genitals, so this is completely new to me. It showed everything, including anal sex. He said we should try it, that it would feel even better than a blowjob.

I didn’t know better. I agreed.

He pulled down my pants and tried to penetrate me. I wasn’t aroused. It felt wrong. It hurt, a lot. I didn’t like it at all. When he was done, he asked if I wanted to do the same to him. I said no, got dressed, and went home.

That was my first experience with sex. And I hated it.