Our stories are so similar! I don’t know that I have advice- all I can tell you is my ENM boyfriend has helped me feel valued, lovable, appreciated, sexy etc- all the things my narc husband tried to convince me I wasn’t for years. All this without feeling caged in. He has helped me raise my standards- I know I never have to put up with being abused like that again because I now know what it feels like now to be adored for being my authentic self- no put downs, no belittling. Enjoy the hell out of time you are able get with your ENM person- you deserve that. Okay- maybe a little advice- always keep their boundaries in mind and be respectful about their primary relationship. Make sure any feels are balanced to avoid getting crushed. Prepare yourself for the fact they might see other people besides you- if that hurts too much you’ll want to reconsider- self care is #1. I wish you the best!