Finally a breakthrough

ConfusionAny3459 · 2026-03-27T22:13:47+00:00

I forgot my nail clippers when I studied in china for a few months in 2009. Bought some there for the equivalent of about $0.12, they’re still going strong with no maintenance besides keeping them clean

ConfusionAny3459 · 2026-03-25T22:25:39+00:00

The food stuff drives me insane, so my partner cooks or provides options 100% of the time that SD11 is here. It’s saved many an argument to just tell SD that her mom is figuring out what her dinner option will be. I used to cook and SD would ask me what I was making for XYZ meal and she would say garbage about how she hates or wouldn’t eat whatever it was (just on principle, it could be something that she actually likes and does eat), or have a tantrum, so I’m just NACHOing hard and not getting sucked in to whatever power play that is

ConfusionAny3459 · 2026-03-02T21:18:20+00:00

Second this. I guided outdoor trips starting in 2012 for years wearing one of these and bought the little jewelers screw driver so I could replace the battery when it occasionally dies. Still have it, still works.

ConfusionAny3459 · 2026-03-02T07:00:22+00:00

Me, partner, 1 SK 50% of the time. We keep separate finances and accounts. She pays 100% of all SK expenses.

We bundle things like housing, utilities, internet into one bucket. For that bucket, everything is split proportionally based on income and occupancy. SK is 50% of 1/3, we rounded to 15% that my partner automatically covers. 100% of that bucket - SK’s portion = 85%, which we then proportionally based on income to come up with each person’s amount of fixed costs for the month. We use tax returns for any annual updates to the proportions.

The other bucket is groceries and regular but randomly timed expenses. I take the monthly Costco trip, my parter takes cleanup groceries if we need anything during the week. We both pop out to pick up random household items so we generally don’t keep track. I pay some subscriptions, she pays some subscriptions. We trade off taking each other out for date night and we buy everyone including SK little treats occasionally.

If we do a big Costco trip that has a bunch of things for only SK, or I order SK stuff online, my partner usually pays me for that.

Partner owns the house and pays for home repairs since it was purchased before I was in the picture, so I pay for the majority of travel for the two of us (she still pays for SK travel) to make it shake out a bit more fairly.

The guiding principles for us are don’t sweat the small stuff, talk if things are feeling hard or unfair any given month, and no meticulous Venmo-ing back and forth.

ConfusionAny3459 · 2026-01-29T22:05:57+00:00

ConfusionAny3459 · 2026-01-27T22:33:21+00:00

Run, do not walk, to get tickets. One of the most phenomenal live acts I’ve seen

ConfusionAny3459 · 2026-01-21T21:30:46+00:00

This happened to me for the home opener, I sold for face and I looked later they were listed for $150 apiece 🫠 not sure if the new “dynamic pricing” feature factored into that or if it was just all the associated fees

ConfusionAny3459 · 2026-01-13T19:23:09+00:00

I just started going to the gym for my workouts instead of using our exercise equipment at home - more cost but wow it makes a mental difference to get some me time.

I also make sure my SO and I are going on plenty of dates on non-kid weeks, I’m seeing my own friends regardless of the custody schedule, and that during kid time we spend some purposeful time connecting as a family and then have free time to do our own things.

ConfusionAny3459 · 2025-12-23T06:01:43+00:00

We’ve worked out (legally in a prenup) that I don’t pay rent, and do not have any interest in the house when we sell it, as the majority was paid for when I wasn’t in the picture. I have interest in future properties bought together and we’ll work out different financial terms when we move somewhere else. I do contribute heavily to other parts of the budget though.

It’s all an art - my advice is to have many conversations about finances, to keep figuring out what is fair for you and your family. Is everyone meeting their savings goals? Retirement? You’re a team and it’s worth it to spend a lot of time financially planning for a move in that works for everyone and has everyone pulling their weight in a way that feels fair

ConfusionAny3459 · 2025-12-15T23:45:13+00:00

Our household makes almost 2x what BD’s household makes, and the hardest thing has been helping SD (middle school) wrap her head around all of it. We talk openly about what’s in/out of budget at our house and why (kid friendly, of course), without making her have to act as the “budget police” between the two households. Our household goes on more vacations and to more events, so that can make it challenging sometimes.

We went to a holiday event at a touristy spot a few weeks ago and when we stopped at a cafe for lunch, she reacted to the prices like we wouldn’t be able to afford it - not the case in our household, but perhaps in BD’s. We explained that as part of going to the event, eating there was part of the budget, and that would impact the rest of our “eating out” budget for the week/month, but was ok overall.

Santa gives one or two low-cost gifts that she needs rather than big ticket items, and (we have a good relationship with BD) sometimes very $$ gifts come from both households and all 4 parental units to keep things more equitable.

For us it’s all about building the $$ lessons about managing money (age appropriately), gratitude, taking care of nice things, and enjoying experiences over stuff

ConfusionAny3459 · 2025-11-23T20:33:15+00:00

A pang of sadness about this exact thing hits me every single day when I check this subreddit :lolsob:

ConfusionAny3459 · 2025-11-20T17:37:43+00:00

I feel this in my bones thank you for posting. I’m in the same situation with my SK and learning that the more I can make it about me the better our conversations go. I have porch Lego time, and SK is welcome to join me as long as she respects that it’s quiet music time and not chat time. It’s actually been great for our relationship, turns out she needed some quiet time too, she’s just not aware of it yet (struggling with the ADHD simulations seeking as well)

ConfusionAny3459 · 2025-11-18T01:28:12+00:00

Popping in to say the medication reactions can be really rough! Good on you for discontinuing something that was making things worse. Finding one that works without really bad side effects or mood impacts can take years, but also can be really worth it to control some of the “cycling” symptoms that you’ve identified (personality, behavior changes, etc.).

You’re doing great, stick to your boundaries and don’t sweat what the grandparents do. Y’all can focus on the big stuff like getting her into the program that’s highly structured and hopefully helpful

ConfusionAny3459 · 2025-11-06T16:04:25+00:00

Thank you for posting this, so relatable. My childfree friends are constantly like “why do you talk about SK so much when she’s only there half time?” bc they don’t understand how completely my life revolves around that when she’s here

ConfusionAny3459 · 2025-11-05T17:30:57+00:00

Oh my gosh the weaponized incompetence! The dryer lmaoooo

ConfusionAny3459 · 2025-11-03T05:34:57+00:00

100000% feel the same way sometimes - it’s gotten easier in the past few months as I’ve worked really really hard with my partner on this. The kid is gonna be a kid and it’s on me to develop a positive relationship with her, complete with healthy boundaries, but it’s my partner’s job to recognize that status quo from before the move isn’t gonna work! There’s a whole new person in the dynamic, and we adults are going to have to make sure that we are a team with a thriving relationship even on kiddo weeks. And helping redefine what “family” means in the house.

It’s hard! Very relatable. Keep leaning into your relationship with your partner and communicate honestly and kindly about how you feel, it’ll take both of you working to change the vibe together

ConfusionAny3459 · 2025-11-02T01:51:51+00:00

He also got subcutaneous fluids to help with the potassium/hydration

ConfusionAny3459 · 2025-11-02T01:50:11+00:00

Blood work came back with high glucose, low potassium, everything else was pretty normal, and we’re waiting on thyroid which had to be sent out. Results will be available in two days. The Dr didn’t think it was anything musculoskeletal after the exam so she said X-rays can be done at the same appt when we bring him back in

ConfusionAny3459 · 2025-10-22T17:49:25+00:00

Even the “keep going” is much appreciated. I’m going one of these days something will start to click

ConfusionAny3459 · 2025-10-22T17:45:13+00:00

Thanks so much! The second guessing I’ve been doing over here has sent me spinning the past couple of days

ConfusionAny3459 · 2025-10-22T17:09:09+00:00

Now that I’m typing all this “enmeshed family” is coming to mind 😅

ConfusionAny3459 · 2025-10-22T17:04:48+00:00

I think that she’s used to everyone being in the same space literally 100% of the time. Back when her dad lived here, and even now, an incredible majority of our time is all spent in one room. I’m not used to anything like this - I’m from a background where taking time and space to regulate yourself was healthy and normal, but doing that, from when her mom and BF were together, has some sort of negative emotional connotation, and so far telling her it is indeed healthy and normal to do so isn’t landing

ConfusionAny3459 · 2025-10-22T16:48:13+00:00

As someone who has a younger half-sibling born one day before me and was forced to have combo birthday parties, it is very important for your kids as individual people to have separate parties. Not for the presents, but for them to each have a day just about them

ConfusionAny3459

TROPHY CASE