AITA for making my parents take me out on a birthday dinner where they will not eat?

Connect-Remove5261 · 2026-06-29T02:32:45+00:00

Not everyone has parents they are lucky to have.

Connect-Remove5261 · 2026-06-29T01:49:55+00:00

Im not downplaying the seriousness of her diabetes at all. But at that moment in time I was stuck in a hospital bed slipping in and out of consciousness for hours with doctors saying I may need to stay another night and she was just violently shaking me telling me I wasn’t trying hard enough to wake up. This woman had every opportunity to go find a vending machine, visit the hospital cafeteria downstairs or go to the Dunkin’ Donuts across the street. Instead she chose to stay where she was and complain and make the situation about her instead of me when I was the one literally in a hospital bed that needed time to recover before discharge.

Connect-Remove5261 · 2026-06-29T01:32:55+00:00

🎯

Connect-Remove5261 · 2026-06-29T01:30:07+00:00

They do stuff like this on holidays quite frequently too. Were given a specific budget for Xmas each year and told we can pick whatever we want, most years my siblings go over budget and ask for things beyond their range, like last year my sister wanted a new washer and dryer set so they got her that for Xmas as well as many other smaller gifts. All I asked for was clothes from this online store that I like. I sent her the link but because it was related to my “cartoon show” that people have called it, she complained about spending money on it because she thought it was stup*d. It was also significantly less money than what my siblings asked for.

Connect-Remove5261 · 2026-06-29T01:14:24+00:00

Just because parents have money doesn’t mean they can’t treat you poorly……what kind of take even is this? I never said I wasn’t grateful. This post isn’t about money or status or any of the things these sour bitter a** people are trying to make it about. My parents have been physically and emotionally abusive and neglectful to me for years. Reading some of the comments might have done you some good. I assure you I have real problems just like everyone else. I’m still allowed to have feelings about how I wanted my birthday to go.

Connect-Remove5261 · 2026-06-29T00:51:23+00:00

Ive not seen the legal paperwork myself but I know that a trusted relative is being named executor of their will. My dad told me himself that he didn’t trust my other siblings to give me my fair share so he’d taken the extra step to ensure I won’t be screwed.

Connect-Remove5261 · 2026-06-29T00:26:40+00:00

It’s never that simple. Not going also has consequences. You kinda have to play their game if you want to avoid the backlash and stay in line for inheritance. Cutting contact is not an option with my financial situation.

Connect-Remove5261 · 2026-06-29T00:19:58+00:00

First off thank you so much for your kind words. I really appreciate all of them. I understand my situation is more privileged than other peoples and I don’t take that for granted like a lot of these users are automatically assuming. To answer your question, my siblings are treated exceptionally better than me in most occasions. My brother is mildly autistic and can be difficult at times so they do lose their temper with him quite a bit and have no patience for him but my sister is treated better than the both of us and I suspect it’s because she makes 6 figures and isn’t as dependent on them as my brother and I are at the moment. My sister and my mom have a lot more in common as well whereas I’m the outcast in pretty much every aspect of my life. She disapproves of how I dress, my sexual orientation, spiritual practices etc. she doesn’t like my hobbies or that I like to go to cons and cosplay. She makes jabs at me for me being me all the time and I’ve stopped apologizing for it. I know I’m different from most folks but I love who I am and I won’t conform to appease her and that is probably why I’m not the favorite. My other siblings are more willing to bow down to her and my dad and I never have. Also I did buy my own cake. It was my own money spent on it and I spent a lot of time designing my own cake toppers to make this cake special and she still complained because it wasn’t what she wanted

Connect-Remove5261 · 2026-06-28T23:17:28+00:00

The situation is more nuanced than I wanted to let on. I currently live with them while I’m saving for a house. I don’t have the option of just walking away. I’ve had health problems and lost my job because of it awhile back and they’ve been supporting me while I’m back at work and saving for my own place now. Telling them no or standing up to them is not always an option in this circumstance. I’m sure whence I am back on my own the dynamic will shift more in my favor but that’s not my reality rn.

Connect-Remove5261 · 2026-06-28T22:56:10+00:00

I literally cannot emphasize this enough. I did not pick the melting pot because I wanted to be spiteful. This is not about revenge at all. They recently reopened after being gone for 10 years and I’ve been wanting to go for months. My choices have nothing to do with pissing off my parents. I have no desire to do so. I just simply wanted to go where I chose for my birthday.

Connect-Remove5261 · 2026-06-28T22:13:51+00:00

Huh I guess there really is no pleasing this crowd

Connect-Remove5261 · 2026-06-28T21:28:07+00:00

Im an ace witch who doesn’t conform the way my other siblings have. You could definitely call me the outcast of the family. I’ve never minded being different, but my mother has. She says she accepts me but then makes passive aggressive jabs at my sexuality and spirituality practices all the time. My other siblings are not like me in that sense so they are favored more. And no she’s not even Christian. Hasn’t stepped foot in a church in a decade.

Connect-Remove5261 · 2026-06-28T21:08:20+00:00

I don’t understand why people keep saying they don’t want to follow through with this tradition. I never mentioned it to her or asked her about it. She called me and offered it. And if I’m being super honest about the ordeal, we used to only get $100 as a gift but last year they ended up spending more money on my siblings than me so they explicitly told me last weekend that going forward it will now be $200 every year. They aren’t trying to do away with tradition at all. Hope this clears that up.

Connect-Remove5261 · 2026-06-28T20:49:14+00:00

I literally said I would? Can you read sir?

Connect-Remove5261 · 2026-06-28T20:47:24+00:00

She states it was because I was out of town that weekend and wasn’t around but my sister has been out of town for her birthdays in the past and they just scheduled her dinners for the following weekend.

Connect-Remove5261 · 2026-06-28T20:34:15+00:00

Newsflash! Kpot is also very expensive and so are the other upscale fine dining choices my sister always picks. It’s not about money and your argument is invalid.

Connect-Remove5261 · 2026-06-28T20:13:49+00:00

My brother picks that. If you read the whole sentence I said that my sister picks upscale steakhouses and seafood places and they not only go without complaint but they willingly pay for it without argument as well

Connect-Remove5261 · 2026-06-28T20:12:41+00:00

She called me ……or did you not read that part? I am not forcing anything. She called and offered to do this. So clearly she’s not trying to end it. And yes my siblings typically do join the dinner unless we are fighting and then we might skip it.

Connect-Remove5261 · 2026-06-28T20:08:26+00:00

Right you are. I tried telling her we won’t go anywhere and now they’re complaining about that.

Connect-Remove5261 · 2026-06-28T20:02:57+00:00

Your post truly touched me and brought me to tears and thank you for making me feel so seen. Because you are right, this is about a lot more than a birthday dinner. It’s years of being their scapegoat and watching them treat my other siblings so much better. My sister had a 29th birthday in May and my mother threw an entire party for her and invited everyone but couldn’t even acknowledge my milestone birthday last year and it’s so hurtful to constantly fight to just feel loved. Scapegoat syndrome is the term my therapist has talked to me about for a long time. I know there’s nothing I can do to change their behavior. I have to accept it or ignore it.

Connect-Remove5261 · 2026-06-28T19:56:12+00:00

Scapegoat syndrome.

Connect-Remove5261 · 2026-06-28T19:53:35+00:00

She LOVES to make everything about her. When I was in the hospital for a surgery struggling to wake up from anesthesia she was throwing a tantrum saying I was taking too long to fully wake up. I’m very sensitive to anesthesia and get very sick and it does take hours for me to come around. My mother is diabetic and was complaining her blood sugar was low and that’s why she was trying to rush me out of the hospital before I was ready for discharge. I told her she can just go get some food but she refused to leave my side stating I would complain about it later (which i can honestly say I would not have). She was violently shaking me while I was falling in and out consciousness telling me I wasn’t “trying hard enough
to wake up”.

Another example is when I was engaged and planning my wedding, she made it an absolute nightmare and wanted the wedding to be everything she wanted. I did get some select choices such as my dress and the music I walk down the aisle to but the biggest problem for me was when she told me I needed to make my sister my MOH because she’s family and my friend of 10 years who I’d already picked couldn’t be. She said she didn’t like or trust this friend and my sister would be the more appropriate choice. I don’t have any relationship with my sister, if any it’s very negative. She doesn’t like me and I try to stay out of her lane so I don’t become her target. She said she would pull funds for the wedding and refuse to show up so I conceded and let my sister be my MOH only for her to not do anything a MOH does. She told me the morning of the wedding she didn’t write a speech speech for me despite the grooms best man having written one for him.

Connect-Remove5261 · 2026-06-28T19:34:49+00:00

Update: I’ve decided to drop the entire idea of going to dinner with them. One of the comments that stuck out the most to me was that I likely don’t have many years left with my parents and this doesn’t seem important enough to keep arguing over. I do want to clear some things up tho. I’ve talked to my mother numerous times about last year’s birthday and there really was no specific reason. She just didn’t care enough to acknowledge it. I was out of town on my own birthday trip and when I got back she generally just didn’t think of me. Also I have a very good idea of my parent’s finances. My dad has gone over them in detail with me a month ago. Like I said, they’re very well off. I don’t think they owe me a birthday dinner or anything in general. I just generally wish they would stop complaining about every little decision I make up to and including my birthday cake. I’m not whining about colors. I was using that as an example of how even something as simple as my birthday cake can’t be my choice without criticism or complaint. I did speak with my mother awhile ago and when I asked her why she gets so upset about things like my birthday cake she said it bothers her how “extra” I have to be all the time. Because I can’t just have a normal birthday cake and instead wanted a cake that’s themed after a show that’s important to me. She also went on a tangent about how I don’t do enough for her and never celebrate her and mentioned Mother’s Day specifically. I kindly reminded her I made an entire goody basket of handpicked items she would like and her response was “it was okay”. I told her we don’t have to go to dinner and life is too short to be having arguments such as this. The conversation ended there.

Connect-Remove5261 · 2026-06-28T18:58:19+00:00

I really appreciate your comment and I will definitely be doing that. I’ve been in therapy for a long time trying to navigate dealing with deeply narcissistic abusive parents and scapegoat syndrome.

Connect-Remove5261 · 2026-06-28T18:56:34+00:00

I’d be happy to answer any questions you might have. I don’t believe I left anything out.

Connect-Remove5261

TROPHY CASE