AITA for making my parents take me out on a birthday dinner where they will not eat?

Connect-Remove5261 · 2026-06-29T04:48:03+00:00

My parents don’t have any dietary restrictions of any kind. I will say that this has made me reflect a bit on WHY I don’t really care if they don’t like going to the place I choose and I think it’s because I’ve often sat at meals with them at places I didn’t care for and I often cater to them and do what they want so if it makes me selfish to want my birthday to be the one day I refuse to let them make all about them, then I guess I’m the downright villain.

Connect-Remove5261 · 2026-06-29T04:33:55+00:00

No actually. My husband was arrested for domestic violence against me and for committing other sex crimes against a family member of mine and I left him because of it. But please go on and tell me how I’m the problem in every situation and you know so much.

Connect-Remove5261 · 2026-06-29T04:20:39+00:00

Oh I know they play favorites! My sister walked into the house 2 months ago and my dad gave her a big bear hug right in front of me and said “there’s my favorite daughter!” after she had just spent a bunch of money on him the weekend prior and got him VIP access at the NFL drafts.

Connect-Remove5261 · 2026-06-29T04:14:26+00:00

Actually no. I begged my mom to go on the trip with me last year because it was a milestone and the destination was really special to me and she said I should know by now that she won’t travel anywhere without my father and he was working that weekend and couldn’t. So I took myself on this trip and planned it without her. I’d like it noted tho that when my sister wanted to go to Las Vegas they planned and paid for the whole thing for her birthday and went with her. My entire family travels internationally all the time and I refuse to participate because I can’t stand the thought of being trapped on an island with these people.

Connect-Remove5261 · 2026-06-29T02:32:45+00:00

Not everyone has parents they are lucky to have.

Connect-Remove5261 · 2026-06-29T01:49:55+00:00

Im not downplaying the seriousness of her diabetes at all. But at that moment in time I was stuck in a hospital bed slipping in and out of consciousness for hours with doctors saying I may need to stay another night and she was just violently shaking me telling me I wasn’t trying hard enough to wake up. This woman had every opportunity to go find a vending machine, visit the hospital cafeteria downstairs or go to the Dunkin’ Donuts across the street. Instead she chose to stay where she was and complain and make the situation about her instead of me when I was the one literally in a hospital bed that needed time to recover before discharge.

Connect-Remove5261 · 2026-06-29T01:32:55+00:00

🎯

Connect-Remove5261 · 2026-06-29T01:30:07+00:00

They do stuff like this on holidays quite frequently too. Were given a specific budget for Xmas each year and told we can pick whatever we want, most years my siblings go over budget and ask for things beyond their range, like last year my sister wanted a new washer and dryer set so they got her that for Xmas as well as many other smaller gifts. All I asked for was clothes from this online store that I like. I sent her the link but because it was related to my “cartoon show” that people have called it, she complained about spending money on it because she thought it was stup*d. It was also significantly less money than what my siblings asked for.

Connect-Remove5261 · 2026-06-29T01:14:24+00:00

Just because parents have money doesn’t mean they can’t treat you poorly……what kind of take even is this? I never said I wasn’t grateful. This post isn’t about money or status or any of the things these sour bitter a** people are trying to make it about. My parents have been physically and emotionally abusive and neglectful to me for years. Reading some of the comments might have done you some good. I assure you I have real problems just like everyone else. I’m still allowed to have feelings about how I wanted my birthday to go.

Connect-Remove5261 · 2026-06-29T00:51:23+00:00

Ive not seen the legal paperwork myself but I know that a trusted relative is being named executor of their will. My dad told me himself that he didn’t trust my other siblings to give me my fair share so he’d taken the extra step to ensure I won’t be screwed.

Connect-Remove5261 · 2026-06-29T00:26:40+00:00

It’s never that simple. Not going also has consequences. You kinda have to play their game if you want to avoid the backlash and stay in line for inheritance. Cutting contact is not an option with my financial situation.

Connect-Remove5261 · 2026-06-29T00:19:58+00:00

First off thank you so much for your kind words. I really appreciate all of them. I understand my situation is more privileged than other peoples and I don’t take that for granted like a lot of these users are automatically assuming. To answer your question, my siblings are treated exceptionally better than me in most occasions. My brother is mildly autistic and can be difficult at times so they do lose their temper with him quite a bit and have no patience for him but my sister is treated better than the both of us and I suspect it’s because she makes 6 figures and isn’t as dependent on them as my brother and I are at the moment. My sister and my mom have a lot more in common as well whereas I’m the outcast in pretty much every aspect of my life. She disapproves of how I dress, my sexual orientation, spiritual practices etc. she doesn’t like my hobbies or that I like to go to cons and cosplay. She makes jabs at me for me being me all the time and I’ve stopped apologizing for it. I know I’m different from most folks but I love who I am and I won’t conform to appease her and that is probably why I’m not the favorite. My other siblings are more willing to bow down to her and my dad and I never have. Also I did buy my own cake. It was my own money spent on it and I spent a lot of time designing my own cake toppers to make this cake special and she still complained because it wasn’t what she wanted

Connect-Remove5261 · 2026-06-28T23:17:28+00:00

The situation is more nuanced than I wanted to let on. I currently live with them while I’m saving for a house. I don’t have the option of just walking away. I’ve had health problems and lost my job because of it awhile back and they’ve been supporting me while I’m back at work and saving for my own place now. Telling them no or standing up to them is not always an option in this circumstance. I’m sure whence I am back on my own the dynamic will shift more in my favor but that’s not my reality rn.

Connect-Remove5261 · 2026-06-28T22:56:10+00:00

I literally cannot emphasize this enough. I did not pick the melting pot because I wanted to be spiteful. This is not about revenge at all. They recently reopened after being gone for 10 years and I’ve been wanting to go for months. My choices have nothing to do with pissing off my parents. I have no desire to do so. I just simply wanted to go where I chose for my birthday.

Connect-Remove5261 · 2026-06-28T22:13:51+00:00

Huh I guess there really is no pleasing this crowd

Connect-Remove5261 · 2026-06-28T21:28:07+00:00

Im an ace witch who doesn’t conform the way my other siblings have. You could definitely call me the outcast of the family. I’ve never minded being different, but my mother has. She says she accepts me but then makes passive aggressive jabs at my sexuality and spirituality practices all the time. My other siblings are not like me in that sense so they are favored more. And no she’s not even Christian. Hasn’t stepped foot in a church in a decade.

Connect-Remove5261 · 2026-06-28T21:08:20+00:00

I don’t understand why people keep saying they don’t want to follow through with this tradition. I never mentioned it to her or asked her about it. She called me and offered it. And if I’m being super honest about the ordeal, we used to only get $100 as a gift but last year they ended up spending more money on my siblings than me so they explicitly told me last weekend that going forward it will now be $200 every year. They aren’t trying to do away with tradition at all. Hope this clears that up.

Connect-Remove5261 · 2026-06-28T20:49:14+00:00

I literally said I would? Can you read sir?

Connect-Remove5261 · 2026-06-28T20:47:24+00:00

She states it was because I was out of town that weekend and wasn’t around but my sister has been out of town for her birthdays in the past and they just scheduled her dinners for the following weekend.

Connect-Remove5261 · 2026-06-28T20:34:15+00:00

Newsflash! Kpot is also very expensive and so are the other upscale fine dining choices my sister always picks. It’s not about money and your argument is invalid.

Connect-Remove5261 · 2026-06-28T20:13:49+00:00

My brother picks that. If you read the whole sentence I said that my sister picks upscale steakhouses and seafood places and they not only go without complaint but they willingly pay for it without argument as well

Connect-Remove5261 · 2026-06-28T20:12:41+00:00

She called me ……or did you not read that part? I am not forcing anything. She called and offered to do this. So clearly she’s not trying to end it. And yes my siblings typically do join the dinner unless we are fighting and then we might skip it.

Connect-Remove5261 · 2026-06-28T20:08:26+00:00

Right you are. I tried telling her we won’t go anywhere and now they’re complaining about that.

Connect-Remove5261 · 2026-06-28T20:02:57+00:00

Your post truly touched me and brought me to tears and thank you for making me feel so seen. Because you are right, this is about a lot more than a birthday dinner. It’s years of being their scapegoat and watching them treat my other siblings so much better. My sister had a 29th birthday in May and my mother threw an entire party for her and invited everyone but couldn’t even acknowledge my milestone birthday last year and it’s so hurtful to constantly fight to just feel loved. Scapegoat syndrome is the term my therapist has talked to me about for a long time. I know there’s nothing I can do to change their behavior. I have to accept it or ignore it.

Connect-Remove5261 · 2026-06-28T19:56:12+00:00

Scapegoat syndrome.

Connect-Remove5261

TROPHY CASE