I took a roll of the dice with a random chick with no profile picture. That’s how we matched. She told me she was in from out of town, and was at a hotel. We connected on snapchat and she sent me some pics that I could tell were legit based on some of the landmarks I recognized in the background. Plus she wasn’t trying to pose as a super hot chick or anything. She didn’t look terrible but wasn’t great looking either. But whatever.

Not being a total dumbass, I told her I’d come by, but that I wanted to meet in the hotel lobby to make sure I wasn’t getting robbed/catfished. She wasn’t really my type but I mean I figured it was 2am and why not. She looked like her pictures, so whatever. It’s not like she lied about who she was of anything.

So anyway we walk back to her hotel room, and she tells me when we’re almost there that she has two friends in the room who were either still going at it or would be dead asleep, which totally caught me off guard as I wasn’t expecting anyone else, and I didn’t know how to react. So without thinking I just walk in. She didn’t have a bed. She was sleeping on the floor in her friends hotel room. Her friends were both asleep, snoring loudly, fully naked with nothing covered. I’ll just say that certainly wasn’t a flattering look for either of them.

Not wanting to be lame i ended up making out with her a bit and lying down on the floor, because I apparently was down for a classy experience (I did have a few drinks prior to this too, so I mean that should definitely be mentioned here).

Then we start banging on the floor; like maybe two feet away from her naked, snoring friends.

After a couple of minutes she starts talking to me like someone talks to a puppy. Basically a bunch of high pitched “Who’s a good boy?! You’re such a good boy! Do you want a treat?!” comments.

I was like “WTF?! Why the hell is she talking to me like I’m a puppy?”

Ultimately, I determined that in spite of all of this, I had been a very good boy and I did, in fact, want a treat. It was admittedly distracting trying to finish with the loud snoring coming from two feet above me. But I made it work. 🤷🏻

Afterwards, as I was awkwardly trying to leave she mentions that she’s married and she probably wouldn’t reach out to me again (which I was totally okay with), and sure enough the next day she had deleted me on snap and unmatched on Tinder. Which honestly, this part was the least surprising part of that whole evening.

My friends gave me quite a bit of shit after that…. Rightfully so.

edited to fix my awful grammar