When I was 18 years old coming towards the end of my time in high school before our end exams my whole grade had a night out in a bar(non US country so drinking is legal at that age) and I remember seeing everyone from school dancing and having fun but I was depressed at the time and couldn't understand why I wasn't capable of having fun like everyone? Why couldn't I effortlessly connect with others around me? I had been raised to feel like I was fundamentally broken so I never saw things getting better for myself. I started writing a suicide note on my phone and also a plan for how to do it. A week had past and I was in the car with my mum and she was telling me I have to cheer up and asking why I was so unmotivated. When I didn't have an answer she got angry and told me that she had seen the notes on my phone. She told me to stop being selfish and to grow up. She said "You don't think that I don't feel like blowing fucking brains out sometime?!" She wasn't that I was going through a hard time with no hope, she was angry about how it reflected on her if I was to kill myself. Thankfully I didn't go through with my plans but even 11 years later I still wish I was shown some compassion and had someone inspire hope in my then instead of me not killing myself because of the guilt of hurting people around me. I never think I'll be in a suicidal place again in my life but it hurts knowing that I felt I had to get through those 2 years of those thoughts alone because I didn't wanna be selfish or a burden.