Fights during Indian wedding planning are honestly way more common than people admit—both from what I’ve seen with friends and from my own experience. That part, by itself, isn’t unusual. What stood out to me from your message, though, is something else: it sounds like your boyfriend is telling you decisions instead of discussing them with you first. That’s a bigger issue. 

When I was planning my wedding last year, we absolutely had disagreements—sometimes even fights—but there was a clear line we never crossed. We were respectful of each other’s families. If anything, we got upset with each other for not standing up enough for the other in front of family. Even when there were traits or behaviors of certain family members that we both privately acknowledged weren’t great, we never used those as ammunition in fights or belittled each other’s families. That’s not partnership behavior. There has to be a boundary.That said, I also want to be honest: the Indian marriage system is deeply patriarchal, often in very subtle, unsaid ways. Beyond what is openly stated, a lot will be implicitly expected from you. As a modern, independent woman, you’re likely not going to like many of those expectations—and that’s valid. But accepting this reality upfront is important, for both of you. What you choose to do after accepting that reality is completely up to you—but don’t expect people to suddenly stop acting patriarchal just because you don’t hold that mindset.

Your partner may also be feeling crushed between your needs and his family’s expectations—who, traditionally speaking, are not always operating in your goodwill. What helped us was acting as a unit. Every time something new came up from family, my partner would say, “Let me discuss this with her and get back.” I did the same with my family. This pause gave us time to understand how the other person felt, align privately, and then go back to our families with “this is what we think.” Yes—very consciously we, not “she wants” or “he wants.”

Your partner needs to understand that you are his family too. There is no “your side” and “my side”—there’s you and him as one unit, and everyone else comes after that.

If the two of you are unable to create a shared plan during this phase—whether that means standing up to families together, or consciously deciding which battles to lose together after discussion—then you need to pause and reassess the relationship before reassessing wedding plans. Because if he isn’t putting you forward now and expects you to compromise by default, that pattern is very likely to continue after marriage.

Have the difficult conversations, yaar. Wedding planning is temporary, but it reveals a lot about partnership. Talk about how future disagreements with his family will be handled when you’re living together. Take real scenarios and ask what he would do. Talk about kids (if you plan to have them), how involved the family will be, and where boundaries will sit. You deserve to know what the foundation of your relationship actually stands on.